I hate pocd I need advice

I was on YouTube looking for saw traps I scenes and I see a saw 5 playlist and I was a bit horny because I was thinking of the guy I’m talking to and it’s like what if the playlist had inappropriate stuff on kids and I got arosal and then I got worried and went to see if there was stuff on kids there The gronial response gets intense I felt arousal because of the idea I might find content of kids there I think I’m a p how is this ocd I get worried when I open playlists or images because I’m going to think there’s inappropriate stuff and I don’t want to accidentally see it and I feel guilty afterwards I feel like I also touched my brother inappropriately I asked if I ever did anything he said no but what if he thinks it’s not wrong or he’s not telling me the truth

Im 16 years old and female and up until very late last year and this year I’ve been having thought almost every day that I’m a pedophile or that I’m sexually attracted to or want a romantic relationship with child. I don’t know how to explain it and I don’t want judgment because I’m genuinely so scared and disgusted, but anytime I’m around children I feel my chest tighten, my body feels warm and it feels like I don’t know how to breathe. I sometimes get a groomer response but even then I don’t know if it’s a ground response or not. Also I tend to stare at children when I’m anywhere near them, I feel like if I don’t I’m a weirdo and if I don’t look at them it means I’m attracted to them which I guess could be POCD but I feel like I stare at them inappropriately. Not too long ago maybe three weeks ago I went to the park with my family and there were two girls in their swim suits and I was looking at their backsides and I felt really anxious and scared like I usually do but I felt so upset by looking at them that way and now I’m scared to go to pools or splash pads because every time I do I feel like I stare at them gross and I just feel so disgusted with myself. When I tell myself not to look I end up looking and then I stare. I feel better when I’m not around them but even then, I look back at what I saw earlier that day and I feel anxious again and then I look up what’s been happening and then I feel more worried it’s not OCD. My friends who have OCD say I might have it but I can’t get a therapist, I can’t talk to anyone I’m scared I’ll be put in jail and that I’m not a good person. I’ve never head thoughts like this until this year and near the end of last year and they come now? I don’t know what to do.

So i didnt post for sometime cause ive been going through a lot so im 16 and im a girl still figuring out my sexuality, anyway my worst ocd theme is POCD and i developed it after i started watching porn and it made me look at people woman especially in a sexual way which i hate cause i feel awful and even before when i was 14 until now i was exposed to a lot of those dark stuff and i read a lot of them, anyway POCD i keep looking at people sexually especially when its girl and then after i saw like when thise crime stories pop up on my tiktok like people catching pdf files and im like imagining what they feel towards their victims or like them explaing what they feel and me like yk when i look at someone i feel that immediately but i cant figure out what it is cause i keep looking at them in that way but not like when i see them immediately but more when i think about it and i just i dunno like especially how porn made me sexualized everything so i wanted to stop and i just feel awful, but what i find funny was before i developed pocd after i first found out about i laughed and i was like oh i dont have that deffibtly so i dont have to worry about it and now im just like