Fighting feelings and urges

How do you guys deal with it? When it has to do with a self harm theme it’s so so confusing and debilitating. It’s like someone else is in the drivers seat of your brain and you’re going against what it wants but it’s painful to do so. It genuinely feels like I want to. Even though I didn’t want to at all before this one thought and I have no reason to. Then I always spiral wondering how and why and if it’s even ocd or if I need to go get help. So exhausting. These thoughts/ feelings and urges are coming in first person and it feels like I’m intentionally thinking them or they’re my genuine feelings.

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 46w

Feelings themselves are never wrong or inaccurate. What's inaccurate is how our thoughts interpret those feelings. You say that you're having feelings of self-harm, but I'd argue that you're having feelings that your thoughts are LABELING as self-harm desires. Feelings do not contain any stories or details. They are physical sensations in the body that simply communicate emotions. There is no such thing as a "self harm" or a "suicidal" feeling, because those things aren't emotions. What you're labeling as a "suicidal" feeling is likely just a feeling of sadness, loneliness, depression, anxiety, or any other difficult emotion. The "suicidal" or "self harm" part is coming from your thoughts, not the feeling itself. The reason all of these thoughts about suicide seem so prominent is because you're just hyperaware of them. It's a self-sustaining cycle. You're clearly very worried about these thoughts, and subconsciously you are now on extreme high alert for them, making them appear much more frequently. All of this attempting to make sense of it all; the arguing with yourself like, "I've never been a suicidal person, why is this happening?", just fuels that cycle. I know it makes no logical sense, but if you truly learn to not care about these thoughts, this will all die down. Hope some of this helps!

Who_knows?

Date posted: 46w

@djflorio Have you dealt with that theme ?

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 46w

@Walters15! - Yeah it was the main theme I went through years ago, before I ever associated it with OCD.

wmorris93

Date posted: 46w

@djflorio Thank you for this. It’s been really hard. I’m absolutely not trying to argue with you but I was told by ocd specialists that ocd can present as false feelings and urges to get you to react. That’s what I feel like is happening ? Because this all started from a thought. Now it feels like nothing matters and life is pointless when I haven’t felt that way prior and have no reason to either. I used to be excited about life before this thought. Genuinely . That’s why it’s so confusing. The only thing that changed was this ocd thought only that’s why I don’t get it

wmorris93

Date posted: 46w

@djflorio Sorry I hope that didn’t come across rude lol. Am grateful for your response but the feelings and urges are the hardest to get around. It feels like I have to over ride what my brain is telling me to do . It’s so so trippy :(

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 46w

@wmorris93 - No worries, I didn't take anything as rude. I'm not a professional therapist or an expert in psychology so of course take everything I say with a grain of salt. I think it this case it's a matter of semantics. The very definitions of feelings/emotions/moods are fuzzy and open to interpretation. Maybe what I'm talking about isn't exactly the kind of "feeling" you and the OCD specialists you've spoken to are referring to. I'm talking about feelings in the purely physical sense. The tightness in the chest that comes from anxiety, the butterflies in the stomach that come from fear, etc. When you say "I feel like life is pointless," to me the word "feel" is being used more like "think." Because "life is pointless" is a belief, or a viewpoint. It's more related to thought than physical feelings. Maybe the terminology I choose don't completely line up with proper definitions or what certain OCD specialists say. But regardless, I say just keep an eye out for the "stories" that are coming from the mind. That extra bit of information that falls into the category of a belief or viewpoint. That's the part that is unreliable. What you physically feel in your body is what tells the real story.

wmorris93

Date posted: 46w

@djflorio Oh yeah I understand that. Like - when I’m feeling that urge or sensation (let me rephrase 😂) it’s not like I’m excited. I basically ran in the bathroom because my eyes were welling up and my lip was quivering and I was anxious. So yes like I’m having anxiety and depression in regards to the feelings that I’m being sent or the thoughts that are coming in first person like “I don’t wanna be here” etc. it seems like it’s ocd but it’s terribly confusing

haleymoriarty

Date posted: 46w

hi!! i struggle w the same theme and i just want to say youre not alone. i get so convinced that its me and not ocd even though it causes major distress whenever i think of suicide. Here for you!

wmorris93

Date posted: 42w

@haleymoriarty How are you doing now girl?

cows12465

Date posted: 24w

suic. ocd advice?

so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.

Conquering_OCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w

Knowing the difference

Does anyone have any advice for how to know the difference between ocd and real feelings/thoughts? Sometimes an intrusive thought will come in and I immediately know it’s ridiculous and I can just leave it alone and it won’t bother me but other times I really really don’t know. It’s when ocd hijacks and twists my real feelings and thoughts and tries to manipulate me into believing they’re something they’re not or something that doesn’t align with my true morals or intentions. But since it’s twisting and mixing with real feelings I get so confused and scared. Everything gets jumbled and I feel like I can’t trust myself or my own mind. Yet other times and other topics I can laugh off and push away just fine. Make it make sense. And then I start to think well maybe I don’t have ocd at all and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to accept that these scary/concerning things are true about myself. Or maybe that’s just the ocd talking.

Catlove9

Date posted: 22w

What do you say to OCD when you have harm urges?

I am struggling right now with intrusive harm urges. They feel real and it feels like I am going to act any second. It feels like I have to hold myself back, which is a scary thoughts. I am trying so hard not to compulse, but does anyone have tips on what they do in these situations?

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