If today is hard

And doing the next thing on my to do list when I’m feeling down really helps. (And avoiding Google, Reddit, YouTube, calling people for reassurance). This is soooooo hard to do sometimes. In fact, it’s painful!!!!! My brain is on fire. But I ask myself, “do you want to get better, or do you want to get worse?” And then, I tell myself, “okay then, you want to get better. Then, move forward!!!! What’s the next thing in your to do list?” (To do list could be: take a walk, clean, exercise, watch tv show, work, budget, write a grocery list, etc.) it really, really helps. It takes time… be patient!!! Persevere! your brain will heal! If you need to have someone in your life who asks you these questions, (I wrote them down below, again, in case you want them laid out very neatly and nicely!!!) … have them do it! I know a lady whose husband asks her these questions right when she is in the middle of an ocd crisis. She is better now. It does take time. It’s painful. But it works. You guys! Take ownership of this and move forward! What are the things you want to do when you’re better? Make a list! Start them! One day at a time. Don’t overthink it. Do the next thing that is really obviously snd really clearly something you should do. Ask God for help. “Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Hey! Also! Eating carnivore diet also helps my mental health. I watch one video a day about carnivore to stay motivated. Getting outside, 30 min in the sun daily! You can do this! I’ve had about 100 panic attacks in the past three years. Terrors, fears of going to psych ward. Those fears were so not true! I don’t need and didn’t need to go to the psych ward! At the time I really felt like I did! I’m better now. The above helped! You’re NOT crazy! You just have a really oversensitive conscience, which means you’re amazing! You’re probably also highly intelligent! (You have one of the eight great smarts… people smart, or self smart, etc). The man with the highest IQ in the world says that really smart people struggle with mental health more than others. Leave the gray areas behind… the past…. The confusing things… the worries about your mistakes…. Leave them behind. They don’t define you! That’s not your identity. You will do whatever you think you are. So who are you? (I.e., who do you want to be?) you are not your OCD. OCD is a real challenge in your life, and it makes life SO much harder. But it’s not your identity. Whatever fears your OCD gives you, those are not your identity either. What is your identity? Think about it. For me, Ephesians 1 answers that question. I was born again; Jesus died for me! He bought me with His blood. I am a daughter of the King! Psalm 45. So I will clean my room! I will carry myself with dignity, even if I have hurt my own reputation and hurt relationships in my life, and there are people who are so confused by how I’ve been acting these past three years. There is always time for a new start. My past doesn’t define me. I will move forward. I will sing and record a song on YouTube to encourage others. I will help my friend who has cancer. I will write a friend who is lonely and encourage her. I will read my Bible. I will exercise. I will behave like the daughter of the King, and put on makeup cause it’s like I’m royalty (even if no one else knows, and I don’t look like it; but God knows!) Move forward in what is clear. Maybe you need to brush your teeth right now. Do it! Your identity is that you are deserving of a life with purpose, meaning, and you are loved and valued! You are a human being that is precious. You are unique and have things to offer to this world that no one else can. Oh, and have fun! Watch a fun show like Alone! Relax… just stop being so hard on yourself! You’re doing great! You’ve made such wise and cautious decisions your whole life because you have ocd. Nobody needs to approve of you… Imagine me sitting right in front of you, and telling you this in a very firm and kind voice. I understand how you feel, but…. 1. Do you want to get better, or do you want to get worse? 2. If you want to get better, then…. Move forward. Move forward. Move forward. (I know! It’s really, really, really hard. I know it hurts. I know there is SO MUCH PAIN IN YOUR BRAIN RIGHT NOW. And all you want to do is seek someone’s reassurance. But they will just make it worse for you.) Sooo… 3. What’s the next thing in your to do list? Don’t overthink what should be on there. Do the next thing. Do the next thing. Do the next thing. You will get better. You can heal.

Everything will be okay. No matter what. Whether you feel amazing right now or like scum of the earth, it will be okay. Instead of engaging with my ocd I will just write kind message. I hope everyone is doing okay. I understand the struggle.

I’m sure it’s been a rough few days for everyone, maybe even weeks or months. Hell, this last YEAR has been up and down for me! But I wanted to take this moment to congratulate everyone for coming this far. It’s no small feat! OCD is a killer, and it’s good at its job! The fact that all of you are still here fighting is a testament to how strong you are! We may not have the answers or explanation to everything, and that’s okay. We have to stay in the present, not the past or the future. Remember to practice being uncertain! It’s hard to remember the good days we’ve had despite all these horrible ones! There’s no scar to show for happiness, but we’ve got plenty to show for misery and pain. Keep hanging on, you’ve got this!