dealing with health anxiety, mainly a rant

may be triggering to people with health anxiety or health related intrusive thoughts so i’ve been dealing with some pretty intense health anxiety & health related intrusive thoughts for around 2 or so months now. as i’ve been learning more about ocd, doing more (controlled) research & talking to some therapists, i’ve been learning how to handle it a lot better than before, which i’m extremely happy about. i used to basically panic all hours that i was awake because i was so obsessed with my body and the random sensations i felt, and while those thoughts are very much still there, it Is easier to handle. the only problem is, i still kinda struggle with getting my mind fully off of those thoughts. see, i can continue to do my daily activities or continue to talk to friends/family just fine now without panicking or shutting down while attempting to figure out the issue, but the thoughts are still There and i still find myself going back to them. its like i’m trying to put them in the back of my head, but instead they just go to like the middle of my head and its still…quite annoying. i know i can’t rush this, i mean its only been a month after all and i’m doing it alone (i can’t contact my therapist atm), but i just wish i could get myself to fully stop thinking about it. it feels like my main issue is that i still have that ‘what if it Is something bad’ feeling y’know? like if i feel a pain in my chest or something, after thinking about it for a second, i usually dismiss it as stress or acid reflux (i suffer from acid reflux & sometimes my meds don’t fully work). but a little while later, my mind will think ‘well what if it’s something to worry about this time? what if you’re suffering from something terrible and you don’t know it since you won’t look it up or ask about it?’ and those thoughts just keep coming and coming until it gets harder to push them away. i just wish i knew how exactly to get that What If question to not be a problem. i know i don’t have any chronic health issues that would cause me to worry about stuff like little tiny chest pains or dizziness, but my brain just can’t help but feel like What If I Do Have Something Wrong? idk its just frustrating. this was more of a rant than anything, but i guess if anybody has any pointers on how to better handle those intrusive thoughts & how to push them to the back of my head, i’d be happy to hear. TLDR: my health anxiety & health related intrusive thoughts have been getting easier to manage, but i’m still struggling with figuring out how to push them away fully and not panic about them.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 45w

First, it’s great to hear that you’ve been making progress in managing your health anxiety and related intrusive thoughts. Learning how to handle those thoughts better and being able to function day-to-day without constant panic is a big win, especially after only a couple of months. But I can also understand how frustrating it must be to still have those "what if" thoughts lurking in the background. What you’re describing—the struggle to fully "push away" the thoughts—is very typical for OCD. The reason it feels like the thoughts are still there, even though you’re not panicking as much, is because OCD thrives on doubt and uncertainty, especially when it comes to health-related concerns. The "what if" thought is the classic hook that keeps you in the loop. Even when you dismiss a sensation as stress or something benign, OCD comes back with, "But what if this time it’s different?" This is part of the OCD cycle. The key isn’t to fully push the thoughts away or try to avoid them, because that can actually give them more power. Instead, the goal is to accept the thoughts without giving them so much importance. It’s about learning to live with the discomfort of not knowing for certain if that chest pain is something serious, while still choosing to focus on your daily life. This is where Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) can be really helpful. ERP helps you lean into that uncertainty without doing compulsions like checking, researching, or ruminating on the "what ifs." The thoughts might not disappear, but with practice, they’ll lose their intensity and ability to disrupt your life. Instead of trying to push them out of your head, try letting them just be there without reacting. Acknowledging the thoughts and accepting the uncertainty can actually help reduce the grip they have on you over time. It’s also great that you recognize that this is a process and that you can’t rush it. It’s about progress, not perfection, and the fact that you’ve already made strides is a good sign. When you get hit with that "what if" question, try responding with something like, "Maybe it is something serious, but I’m going to let that thought be there without engaging with it." Hope this helps

Anonymous

Date posted: 45w

I relate so much to all of this 🫶

Anonymous 25#

Date posted: 45w

Going through this now ! Its constant and scary

Roseptlss

Date posted: 20w

Persistent Intrusive thoughts about past actions

Hi Everyone! I hope whoever is reading this is having a good day so far :) So for years now I’ve had very bad intrusive thoughts about things that I have done or embarrassing things that I’ve said or have happened and it’s mortifying and debilitating on a daily basis. Specifically these thoughts are mainly things that have occurred from 2018-2020 and some are more simple just as a stupid joke I made or being way too loud on calls while my family was trying to sleep and others being way more complex such as past relationships and how I’ve hurt some of the people I care the most about and when I have acted on intrusive thoughts and these thoughts will appear with no triggers at all I’ll just wake up and already have something I did just nagging me. I don’t want to live like this anymore and I’ve tried working through it with self compassion but sometimes the things I said or did back then it’s very hard to forgive myself for and I’ll reminisce on it for hours on hours, gaslight myself into believing that’s not how it happened and try to change the memory itself, or just suppress it entirely. I know those habits aren’t healthy and truly I want to get better but I don’t know how to overcome some of these thoughts. I have talked to my fiancé about this a few times and even today we talked about it and he fully supports me and is helping me work through it. I might also contact my sister too, I don’t talk to her overly too much but ever since I was little she’s thought I’ve had ocd and was one of the people who made me consider that I might have it (I’m still undiagnosed but I’ll try to when I have the money and time) and I know she could maybe provide some insight. Another thing that is troublesome about the situation is my other family members specifically my mom aren’t the most helpful and can trigger thoughts. To put it in perspective on how her thought process is and some background info she is an ER nurse and has been for 30 years due to this she believes she knows mainly everything there is about mental health and she gets extremely upset when I don’t take her advice or set boundaries. She’ll force me to talk to her about my problems and when I don’t want to she’ll pin me in a corner where I’m forced to and last summer I had a really bad episode and was really overstimulated and I just finished taking a shower and due to the water on me, my hair being wet (my hair is naturally curly and it takes forever to dry and it’s very draining taking care of even with a keratin treatment) and all the intrusive thoughts I was having and she forced me to talk to her and I did open up for the first time about my thoughts and brought up how sometimes I have thoughts of hurting my animals and it makes me physically sick. Her response to this was threatening to call the cops on me saying it was a behavioral thing and I was doing it for attention. I have never hurt any of my animals but later that day my cat came into my room and a few minutes later she comes up just gives me the death stare and after a few seconds just asks me “are you going to go kill snickers?” In the most condescending tone and she’s always like this daily where she’ll force advice onto me or get upset and yell and then reinforce thoughts I’m having. I just want to know first how to stop the thoughts from so frequently and how to heal in an environmental where it keeps reopening wounds despite trying to place boundaries? I’m sorry this is really long I usually do go really in detail about things and it’s just how I’ve always been. If anyone has any questions feel free to ask and I’ll answer them to the best of my ability. I really appreciate the time you took to read this and thank you for your help! 🥰

carrotroot12

Date posted: 13w

Rant (all over the place)

i’ve been dealing with SOCD for 5 years and truly believe it has altered my life completely😀. i haven’t been properly diagnosed but the child therapist I had when i was in hs kind of hinted to me i had something more than just plain anxiety. i’ve also dealt with intrusive thoughts all throughout my childhood and as my family life got worse my anxiety got worse annnd i started getting more and more thoughts that wouldn’t leave me. I remember spending months not swallowing right and practically starving myself bc i kept thinking i was going to choke. i also rmbr spending months worrying ab death and dying EVERYDAY. it woke up with horrible anxiety and it was all i could think about. i can still rmbr sitting in my grandpas chair and just staring off and thinking “im going to die one day” “idk what’s going to happen” “is god real” “i don’t want to die” “what if there is no heaven” and so on. when the socd thoughts started i was 15. i searched around online for help and found reddit and i was like “omg yes finally people who understand and are going through EXACTLY what im going through.” finding that community and this app has helped me so much. anyway i had such a horrible time during my teenage years bc of all the intrusive thoughts about my sexuality, my relationship (glad that’s over), and some other things here and there. i was so so depressed and i felt no one around me understood how fucking awful i felt. i woke up everyday anxious, depressed, numb, and exhausted. when i started college i told my old therapist that even tho im extremely afraid of death i just didnt like living. i would cry in my car before class and just sob ab how awful i felt. although my mental health has gotten SO much better as time went on and the thoughts haven’t been as frequent im definitely not doing well. i am literally stuck. i’m still in college but i don’t know what to do with myself. those years of anxiety and depression have left me STUCK. im so much happier? and i can manage the thoughts way better but i don’t want to do anything. i only talk to 2 friends (literally lost so many great friendships), i RARELY drive bc im afraid ill die in a car crash (only to school and back), i don’t go out, i don’t ask for help at school, i avoid conversations, i avoid ppl in general, i don’t put in that much effort into school, i don’t have hobbies, i don’t want to do anything, i literally have the worst social anxiety now, im afraid of everything. i feel like the only reason im “ok” now is bc i’ve avoided literally everything. i’ve basically spent three years of my life doing nothing. i’m not happy with where i am in my life but im so scared to do anything. i miss who i was before all of this. i’ve been dealing with anxiety all my life and ik my childhood and early teen years made me like this. i didn’t know how to deal with the things i went through/saw as a little kid and i guess everything exploded in my teen years. but i want to be better i want to start LIVING. i’m definitely happier than before but im not living. what frustrates me is i refuse to do anything about it. i know a big reason why i don’t experience as many intrusive thoughts is bc i avoid everything 😭. ik what i have to do to get better and turn my life around BUT I WONT DO ANYTHING. idk how to explain this but its not laziness i feel like my body is exhausted. i think im just so traumatized from feeling so fucking horrible for so many years i just shut down ykwim?? i don’t have any libido, i don’t find ppl attractive, i can’t get myself to do the things im interested in (so many books r piled on my floor), i rot all day, i push off my responsibilities till the last minute, i can’t even get myself to go on a small walk. i don’t know where i was going w this but if someone who’s going through the same thing sees this ur not alone. i just needed to get this out. hopefully one day things will get better.

flowerpetals

Date posted: 11w

word vomit

i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing

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dealing with health anxiety, mainly a rant

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