HELO90
- Date posted
- 48w
Lying
I have a fear now of lying even if it's a white lie and I can't differentiate the truth.
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 48w
What you're describing sounds a lot like a form of OCD related to moral scrupulosity, where there's an intense fear of doing something wrong or immoral, such as lying, even if it's a small or harmless lie. It’s common with OCD to feel overwhelmed by the idea that you might not be able to tell if you're being truthful or if you might have said something that wasn’t entirely accurate. This can lead to a lot of second-guessing, overanalyzing, and seeking reassurance about whether you're being completely honest. OCD makes it difficult to trust your own judgment, so even normal, everyday interactions—like telling a white lie or simply speaking without thinking—can become a source of anxiety. The inability to differentiate the truth or the fear that you might have lied can also be part of this pattern. OCD thrives on uncertainty, making you feel like you need to be 100% sure that everything you say is truthful, but the more you seek that certainty, the more anxious and trapped you feel. In treatment, especially with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), you would work on sitting with the discomfort of not knowing for certain whether something you said was a lie or not, and resisting the urge to analyze or seek reassurance. This helps reduce the power these thoughts have over you. Hope this helps.
HELO90HELO90
- Date posted
- 48w
Thank you for your comment. Today I had an incident where during a conversation with a parent of my sons friend. Child: your son has taken his shoes off' Me: I know he's weirdo isn't he? Child mom: 'I was just talking to XXX about my little one being silly and said he was naughty' While he didn't say that, we were both cheekily implying my son was naughty in a jokey way. Now I feel horrible putting words in his mouth. I'm noticing it more now and have a panic it means I'm a bad person and can't tell when it's a normal human thing or if I do it all the time.
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 48w
@HELO90 - You're very welcome, and it seems like you’re really overanalyzing this interaction, which is something OCD tends to do—turning a harmless, everyday conversation into a source of guilt or self-doubt. From what you’ve shared, it seems like the conversation was light-hearted, and both you and the other parent were making playful, harmless comments about your kids. These kinds of interactions are normal, and they don’t reflect anything negative about you as a person. OCD can make us second-guess our intentions and worry that we’re doing something wrong, even when it’s just a casual joke or comment. It sounds like your mind is creating a false narrative that you "put words in someone’s mouth," which is feeding your fear that you might be a bad person. This is a common OCD trap—making you feel responsible for things that don’t need to be analyzed or fixed. It might help to remind yourself that everyone makes playful comments from time to time, and it’s not a reflection of your character. You’re not a bad person for having this kind of conversation. If you can, try to resist the urge to keep analyzing this moment and allow yourself to sit with the uncertainty. If you haven't joined the NOCD family, you should join. All therapist here can treat OCD using ERP.
HELO90HELO90
- Date posted
- 48w
@NOCD Therapist - Justin T. Thank you for explaining. I notice once I get a hang on one theme, another comes along. I have the need to confess aswell.
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 48w
@HELO90 - Confessing is a compulsions. It's good you notice that. It's not uncommon for OCD to change themes. Are you in therapy? Can I ask, and don't feel like you have to share.
HELO90HELO90
- Date posted
- 48w
@NOCD Therapist - Justin T. I'm not, I've tried to find an ocd specialist but cannot afford one at the moment.
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 48w
@HELO90 - I understand! I wish you the very best! You got this! Be kind to yourself! You are your own best advocate, believe that. When the thoughts come up, recognize that you don't have to respond to them.
Brave through Brave through
- Date posted
- 48w
@Justin Trout Hey, Pls pls help me…and if you have even 5 mins give it a read maybe.., i am posting after a while as life came hard and fast to me so i have been dealing with ocd for about 5 years now with different subtypes from health to suicidal to homosexual seen quite a lot and now idk if this is rocd or not but i need a little help… so i was on and off with this one guy for a long time lets say 2 years and never was in a relationship though and had intense feelings for him but he never committed as such so it never happened and i thought of him to be my TWIN FLAME.. cause he always came back and left and came back again but nothing happened still and i changed cities for my higher education and finally met a great guy and someone who i could finally open up to and fell hard for while this other guy started to fade away always knew the soft spot would remain but rest faded because i love someone else now and my recent guy has a girl bestfriend he is close to and they never did anything but he told me before he met me and after his breakup with his ex he thought his bestie and he could have something but he shut them down completely when we got serious. Yesterday this guy i thought of as my twin flame or whatever came back after 4 months of no contact and i handled the situation well and told him i was with someone else and everything and that i was happy as well but a part of me was sad he didn’t do what he is now maybe a few months ago cause then we could be together but nevertheless i am happy where i am now since then my brain has been thinking a few things like my how i dont want to do anything but my current boyfriend what if he went with his bestie behind my back and i left him and went to this other guy to see if there’s a chance but then if i am even thinking so means i want it and i am being selfish and its not like rocd intrusive thoughts cause doesn’t feel so but actually wanting to do it otherwise why would i consider it and be thinking about it so much and maybe even lie to my boyfriend about it? He leaves me first so i dont have to but if i think like that means i want and i am combating guilt and regret and being selfish but if i am okay with him leaving cause then i think i get to be with this other guy means i do and i am lying to him and if thats what i want what am i doing and if its playing in my head thats not okay and i am with him cause selfish and i am scared he would leave but okay with him fucking up and leaving so that i get that chance but if i want it at all means i want him and this is a safety option and not what i truly want and i am lying to my boyfriend? if i am okay with him leaving and would go to kar that means it already in my head and what i want i just want him to do that so i go without regret thats toxic and selfish and if i already feel like this that means its true and i feel nothing for my boyfriend? what am i doing with him and then just there until he fucks up and i leave and if thats what i want then i already dont want him or know so and not like intrusive ocd thinking but actually thinking and possibility and if i am okay with that that means no feelings for the current guy i am selfish and toxic and just not a good person but not saying truth cause also scared and want to keep around but thats not okay and not ocd and just i know not ocd just thinking and if hoping for it even tiniest thats pathetic he loves me and i love him so why do i think so and do i even love him of one ex coming back can make me think this and question and will be okay even the tiniest bit with what i thought?!? Idk if i am even anxious i am writing this normally so its true thoughts and not ocd and i know so so its cant be also which means i am wrong and selfish and not right? Pls help me if you can if i still feel feelings for someone else and not actually have ocd but be actual feelings then it means what? I am considering therapy so pls help me… and if i am thinking of meeting this other guy and i should be cutting him off completely and if i still want to communicate thats not okay and that doesn’t mean ocd but actually what i am feeling and if i am stopping that feeling means will come and is there and sooner or later will happen and that means my feelings are not true for my boyfriend and this other guy is who i am thinking about and to combat my guilt calling it ocd whereas its not and i am confused and truly feeling this? Pls help me…
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 48w
@Brave through - It sounds like you're feeling incredibly overwhelmed and conflicted right now, and I can imagine how distressing it must be to have these kinds of thoughts swirling around. This is a very complex situation, and I appreciate your time in explaining it to me thoroughly. First off, it’s important to remember that OCD thrives on uncertainty and doubt, especially when it comes to relationships. Relationship OCD (ROCD) is a very common theme, and it often makes you question your feelings, intentions, and what’s "right" or "wrong" in your relationships. The key thing to note here is that OCD often creates this intense need to figure everything out perfectly. You're stuck in a cycle of "what ifs" and are trying to get certainty about what your thoughts mean. Just because you're having thoughts about the past guy or what would happen if your boyfriend left doesn’t mean those thoughts are true or that they reflect what you really want. OCD loves to latch onto these kinds of doubts and fears, making you second-guess yourself and your feelings. It's common for OCD to take normal human emotions—like occasional thoughts about an ex or doubts about a relationship—and blow them out of proportion, making you feel like there's something wrong with you or your relationship. But having a thought doesn't mean it's true or that it defines you. People have fleeting thoughts about all kinds of things, but it doesn’t mean they reflect their true desires or intentions. Your brain is working overtime, trying to find a way out of the guilt and uncertainty. You might even feel like, because you’re not panicking, it must mean these are your true feelings. But OCD can also manifest without panic—sometimes it shows up as this constant, nagging doubt that makes you question everything, even in a calm state. Right now, your mind is tricking you into believing that if you're even thinking these things, it must mean something horrible about you or your relationship. But thoughts are just thoughts—they don’t define who you are or what you want. You mentioned thinking about therapy. Everybody here at NOCD is trained to treat OCD and the guilt and shame and thoughts that you are having. I hope this helps. If you have any other questions feel free to ask. It is the weekend, so I might not be on as much, but will reply back as soon as I see it.
HELO90HELO90
- Date posted
- 48w
@NOCD Therapist - Justin T. Hi Justin, I hope it's OK to message once more. My confession compulsion where I feel guilty and need to tell someone. I've remembered today that my ex and I discussed possibility of reconciliation back in Feb BUT it wasn't there for me emotional or physical. I hadn't shared this with my current partner who I met and have been with 4 months after this above conversation. Ex is still around as he's my child's father. I have this sick urge feeling that I've done something wrong by not sharing this information. Does he need to know?
Related posts
Sunny87
- Date posted
- 24w
“Lying by omission”
FINALLY identified a core fear of mine and it is deceit and lying by omission. My biggest compulsions are confession & rumination. I immediately WANT to confess to whoever the theme is about, BUT since I am NOT acting on the compulsion (*yay*), I feel like I am lying by omission. For example, I will think of a mistake I made in the past, become anxious at the thought that my partner would break up with me over it, and then I want to confess so that he has all the information he needs to make an accurate decision on if he wants to be with me. Otherwise, I feel as though I am withholding pertinent information and his decision to be in a relationship with me is based on lies & fabrication. On one hand I am proud of myself for not compulsively oversharing / acting on compulsivity. On the other hand I worry I am stepping out of my values of honesty & integrity. Or perhaps worse, claiming “compulsion” in the name of hiding from the possibility of whatever consequence may result in me sharing the mistake. Any recommendations?
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 21w
Habitual lying & debilitating guilt
I have recently entered a phase of extremely obsessive thoughts of every mistake I’ve ever made. Things from over a decade ago, things that happened recently, or even things currently happening like my own thoughts and feelings that I have no control over. Ever since I was little I have been a habitual liar. For the most part, I just tell little white lies or exaggerated stories. I even lie about things that don’t matter at all, like if I’ve seen a certain movie or something. But I have also lied about some serious things, like bad things happening to me, like abuse or SA. (DISCLAIMER - I’ve never accused anyone of these things to the police or anything like that). I hate that I’ve done this and I feel so disgusted with my behavior. I’ve been obsessing over this and unable to forgive myself or feel better about doing this. I feel like such a sick human being. I know most of the reasons for why I lie—attention, sympathy, to seem more interesting, to relate to someone, or to even pretend that my life is better than it is. I never ever have any bad intentions when I lie, but I know that doesn’t mean a whole lot. Sometimes I lie so naturally that I don’t even realize it, and sometimes I lie to the point that I actually believe what I’m saying. Somethings wrong with me and I don’t want to be this way anymore. I hate myself and I feel like I’m being tortured with this guilt. I feel like I don’t deserve to ever feel better because this is a result of my own actions. I have a group of girl friends that I met online that I’ve known for about 3 years. I lied about and insinuated that bad things had happened to me to them, because I wanted to relate to them and maybe because I wanted sympathy. I was actually emotionally abused by my ex, and he did kind of get physical with me one time (if I’m remembering correctly, but my OCD doubts if that even actually happened), but I have exaggerated and said that I was abused physically. I also have portrayed my life to be completely different than it is, because I hate my life and I like to pretend that things are better than they are. In a way, I feel like it’s a form of escapism. When I talk to them, I can pretend that I’m a different person. A more interesting, less pathetic, and more relatable person. I’ve lied to them so much that I can’t even begin to remember them all, and I feel so disgusted by myself, and the guilt of this is adding onto my other debilitating guilt. I can’t stop obsessing over it and I feel like I’m an awful person for this. I feel like I don’t deserve to feel better. I’m unable to function, and I can’t forgive myself no matter what. I know that if I confess to them, they’ll be disgusted by my behavior and not want to speak to me again. Especially because I lied about things that are so sensitive. And they’re perfectly within their right to feel that way and to reject me. I don’t know if I can handle the rejection and stress of confessing at this moment in time. I also just can’t even remember all of my lies. But if I keep talking to them, I’ll have to upkeep my lies, and I know I’ll never get better if I keep having to lie. None of my lies have caused them any actual harm, most of my lies are harmless, and it’s not like I’ll ever actually meet them in person, but I feel like I’ve gone against my morals, and I know that it was wrong. Even though my ex is an awful person and put me through hell, I feel bad that I’ve told these girls online that he’d abused me when he actually hasn’t (other than the one time he sorta got physical with me). He even has been going around telling people things about me and degrading me, and this has been going on for nearly 10 years. But I know it was wrong to lie about that regardless of what he’s done or what he’s actively doing to me. The girls don’t have his full name or info or anything like that, they just know his first name and that he’s my ex and that he “physically abused” me. I don’t ever lie out of malice. My dad is a pathological liar and he’s never received help, and I feel like I’ve learned his behavior. I especially feel bad because one of my online friends gave me an extremely expensive gift for my birthday last October, and I didn’t ask for it or anything or manipulate her into giving it to me, but I feel awful that she gave me a gift when I’ve lied about so many things. It’s also not something I can give back since it was an online thing, and I genuinely don’t have the money to pay her back. I feel like I’ve been living a lie and that it’s unfair to them. I am so so scared to tell the truth. I think I’d be less scared if I was only admitting it to one person, but I’d be admitting it to three. I know that they’ll think I’m terrible, disgusting, and that they’ll hate me, and then they’ll probably talk about how awful I am with each other. Which is perfectly justified. I just am so scared of it. I’m in a really bad state of mind. I can’t function and all I do all day is lay around and obsess over all my mistakes. I know the lying is out of my control to a certain extent and that I have a problem and mental illness, but I still can’t forgive myself. I feel disgusting and awful and like I’m a bad person and no matter what I do, I’m reminded of it. I feel like I’m going crazy and that I deserve to feel this way for what I’ve done. And I feel hopeless because I feel like I won’t ever feel better from this unbearable state unless I confess, but I really don’t feel like I’m ready. Every day I become more and more certain that I’m terrible.
nae nae
- Date posted
- 19w
In need of advice
Basically, I've kept a secret from my family, specifically parents, for a couple of years now. This isn't something I'm proud of. It just sort of happened, and then I stupidly kept digging a deeper hole, fearing how they'd react. But tonight, my mom and I were talking, and she brought up how a few years back, she'd stopped talking to my aunt (for about a year) after they got into a disagreement/argument. Long story short, my aunt lied about a decision she'd made due to the fear of how her parents would react. The only person who knew the truth was my mom. My mom said she didn't like how my aunt was hiding this from the rest of the family because it felt like "manipulating their reactions," in a way. My aunt's since told the rest of the family, and everything ended up okay. They talk all the time now. But this conversation with my mom really hit me. It's embarrassing to admit, but there were these online courses I was supposed to be taking. But I fell behind due to no motivation and probably no self-discipline. And initially, the lie I told was small. I planned to catch up, so I didn't see the issue. But then I could never get through the lessons. I couldn't pay attention, I'd space out, go on my phone, get distracted, or fall asleep. I don't know if it's just laziness or lack of motivation. I'd been really depressed back then. But still, I've barely gotten through any of it. Out of guilt, fear, or shame, I kept building onto this lie that I was getting through the coursework. But I wasn't. I've carried all this guilt, yet I've never worked up the courage to be honest because I feel like I'd lose their trust forever, or they'd use it against me. And part of me thinks they'd have a right to react that way. I feel selfish for keeping this to myself. For lying and building onto the lie continuously over the last couple of years. I'm so ashamed, but I kept telling myself that I'd bounce back, but I just never did. I needed help, but I was too afraid to reach out for it. I just really need advice, I guess. Despite all of this, I really hate lying. It feels icky, and it only ever exacerbates things. I've been so open with my parents about everything except this. And I don't want that. I know I need to be honest with them, but I don't know how. I'm still afraid, but continuing to hide this is worse. I love my parents. I'm just terrified of disappointing them, or them losing all trust in me. I think my mom using the word, "manipulating," while describing my aunts situation and the reason for keeping her secret really sent my mind spiraling with all these terrible "what ifs" on how my parents might react. I feel terrible, and I've felt guilty for a long time, but... Yeah, I don't know. I'd appreciate advice, or just... thoughts. I don't know at this point. I'll take anything 😭🙏🏻 I'm thinking about telling my psychiatrist about all of this when I next see her, if anything.
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