I’m losing it please help

@hanysm@gmail.com Are you sure I’m so scared right now I’m going crazy

@rea7 - I am very sure you didn't. Calm down, and go read those posts. If still anxious, use some ice on your neck and chest, use 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique. Google it if you don't know what is it about.

@hanysm@gmail.com I did read the posts and honestly it didn’t really help. I know what ocd is and intrusive thoughts as well, but the thing is mine is based on a real event. I was brushing my teeth when I got that intrusive thought and then I remember walking into the living room to talk to my family and then I walked back to the bathroom continued brushing my teeth and then rinsed my mouth and washed my face and went back to my room to wipe my face. I thought I knew every action I made that day, but then later on that day I got this image in my head that I did something inappropriate and terrible and now I’m stuck what if it really did happen?

@leena445 - Imagine your mind is like a theater. The image you described is a scene projected onto the screen by OCD, meant to evoke an emotional response from the audience—you. This scene isn't written or directed by you, so it doesn't define who you are. The true reflection of yourself is in your genuine reaction of disgust to the scene, not the scene itself.

@leena445 Forget to add. What is the most likely happened, giving you have OCD. I would say it didn't happen. Go with that.

@hanysm@gmail.com I want to know for sure like 100% sure that I didn’t do anything weird or inappropriate you know, because that would be gross and then I wouldn’t have to throw the object away. Never in my life have I ever done anything like that, but idk I got the image in my head and now I can’t stop thinking about what if I did do it and I’m in denial or something? I can tell you every action I took that day but I still won’t get clarity for some reason I don’t know why. And the images keep coming and it’s not only an image I see the action in my head if that makes sense. I’m just so scared and I’ve had this anxiety since the day this all happened so does that mean it’s true and I just forgot or it was traumatizing so I didn’t remember until later?

@leena445 I mean to say then I WOULD have to throw the object away

@hanysm@gmail.com Also I notice my anxiety comes in waves almost, I was so anxious earlier now I don’t feel anything? Does that mean the thoughts are true and I’m in denial? What does this mean?

@leena445 Sister, this was a false memory. It wasn't real and didn't happen. These thoughts are not a reflection of your true self or your desires. They are intrusive thoughts, possibly influenced by Waswasa, and it's common for people with OCD to experience such sensations. Your true self is reflected in how you reacted—with concern and anxiety—showing your strong values and goodness. I kindly encourage you to speak with your mother about seeing a therapist. These thoughts often don't resolve on their own and can become more challenging over time. Seeking professional help can provide you with the support and guidance you need.

@leena445 How can you be certain about something that happened in the past, especially if it was in private? It's natural to feel unsure. Your urge to throw the object away is a compulsion. Imagine if these thoughts kept coming with different items around the house—you'd end up tossing everything! I’m guessing this isn’t the first time you’ve experienced this. Can you see the pattern here? Simply those compulsions doesn't solve the issue, just all to the problem and make it worse.

@hanysm@gmail.com Hey thank you for this. Well I mean it wasn’t really in private I had the doors open and people in my house but whenever I ask them anything they say everything was normalabout that day. These thoughts do come with other objects and I have thrown them away lol, but what I don’t get is it really only happens with certain objects so why is that? That makes it seem true. I mean I’ve had other forms of ocd I think but never anything like this where I was throwing things away. I mean it’s too late now I haven’t thrown them away in days but now I’m getting anxiety because it feels gross

@hanysm@gmail.com For therapy do I have to have my mom with me? I can tell her about it but I don’t know how I feel about having her with me during it. Plus she’s busy and has a lot of other work

@hanysm@gmail.com Also my mom is from another country so I feel like she isn’t going to understand this easily, what do I do about that

@leena445 Don't worry about your mom's schedule. You don't need her with you. You can do the online sessions in the privacy of your room. I'm confident you'll feel better after a few sessions, and maybe medication if your therapist recommends it. Just keep trying and don't be ashamed—it's not you, it's the illness affecting you. As far as mom background, it doesn't mean she is stupid. OCD is universal, and mental health issues is understood. Just tell her that you need help in this tuff age. Take care, my daughter, and may Allah grant healing to you and everyone suffering from such a disorder.

@leena445 OHH, As to why certain objects. OCD is illogical disorder, so don't try to make sense out of it.

@hanysm@gmail.com Thank you so much, also I’ve noticed that ever since that day Thursday I haven’t had the fear of the object really, more so I’ve had the fear that I did something wrong that day, does that mean I really acted on it and that’s why I only have the fear that I did something wrong that day and I no longer fear the object anymore? What does that mean?

@hanysm@gmail.com ohh ok thank you

@hanysm@gmail.com I wrote down all the events that happened that day and I don’t think anything happened but how can I know for sure, should I ask my family

@hanysm@gmail.com Also I’m not really feeling the same anxiety again, what does this mean?

@leena445 Stop asking for reassurance. It won't help. Feeling less anxious is a sign that things are improving. It might feel strange because your brain, after enduring so much stress, has adapted to see anxiety as normal. So, when you start feeling better, it seems unusual. Allow your brain time to adjust to this new, healthier state.

@hanysm@gmail.com Ohh I see, thank you. What if reassurance does help? Like yesterday I went over every single event of Thursday to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong and I think it helped because I still don’t feel anxiety?

@leena445 Seeking reassurance is different from maintaining a diary. When you ask for reassurance, whether from family or in forums, it might provide temporary relief but can lead to a cycle of "what if" scenarios. This cycle can become endless and frustrating, as it feeds into anxiety rather than resolving it. It's important to recognize this pattern and stop "feeding the beast" by constantly seeking reassurance, which only perpetuates the cycle of doubt and frustration. Instead, focus on breaking this cycle by finding ways to manage anxiety independently.

@hanysm@gmail.com So me writing down every event from yesterday isn’t seeking reassurance?

@hanysm@gmail.com Also I keep seeing gross images of the brushes in my mind even if I do ignore them

@leena445 Writing about your event feels like a compulsion. Try to stop this habit. Acknowledge those thoughts, and imagine it's someone else ( Shytan) trying to provoke you. Seek refuge in Allah from Shaytan and tell yourself, "I will not obey you." Then move on. Would you really follow Shaytan's directions?

@hanysm@gmail.com No I never would. I’m religious and so that’s why I especially feel bad about these thoughts because they go against my morals and I feel like I have to pray them away. It just all feels so real like the images feel like they actually happened and that’s why I’m confused and have anxiety

@hanysm@gmail.com Also I want to know something, how come I only have anxiety about Thursday and not any other day? Like I have anxiety about what I could’ve done while getting ready Thursday morning, but I get ready every single morning and I don’t get anxiety about every morning. I only get anxiety and images about Thursday. Ecspecially recently I haven’t been getting anxiety about everyday like but everyday I do get memories about Thursday? And I know they’re from Thursday because of how everything looks in my head. In my head the images are only from Thursday, not any other day. Like the time, my actions, the events I see in my head are from Thursday and that’s the only day I’m worried about? Why is that?

@leena445 I told you no logic with OCD. No significance for it being on Thursday or Friday.. Shytan is trying to confuse you, by making things into patterns. Those thoughts originate from Shytan, intending to deceive you into feeling bad and perpetuating a downward spiral. I've witnessed young people abandon their faith entirely after being ensnared by Shytan's planted images and thoughts, which provoke negative feelings and anxiety that eventually become unbearable. Finally and sadly, they lift religion after confusing the source of those thoughts and images. Again, It's crucial to identify who's behind this and resist following where he wants to lead you to. Now you know his plan, and it is up to you what to do next when he plant an image in your imagination.

@hanysm@gmail.com Thank you for this, I think I understand. Truly it is confusing but I think you’re right he’s just trying to put images in my head. Every time I review events I know for sure something didn’t happen, and even then the images and anxiety comes back. You are so right about this faith is the only way out.

@leena445 Faith. correct understanding for what is behind it, and what is his plan, are your best weapons. Next Thursday he might try again because he is stupid. But by now you hopefully ready when the images comes. Just smile and say nice try, and do say "Auuz BelaHI min Al Shytan Al Rajeem", and just move on. You got this down my daughter. May Allah protect you and help you and others through this difficult test. Obviously you are a good person, and it looks like asked Allah for help, for Him to drive a humble person like me to hopefully help a bit. Please Pray for me and my son my daughter 🙏.

@hanysm@gmail.com I will pray for you, I know everything will get better. How do I stop the feeling like I’m a bad person for ignoring the thoughts?

@hanysm@gmail.com also thank you so much for everything

@leena445 Once more, if you read the links, they explain everything. You feel this way because you believe these thoughts are your own, stemming from your preferences and desires. However, as I mentioned before, this is not the case. These thoughts are not yours; they originate from Shytan, the embodiment of negativity and evil. Therefore, there's no need to feel bad or shamed about it. Why insist on claiming responsibility for something that isn't yours. Please see a therapist to help you if those questions continued.

@hanysm@gmail.com Thank you, and that is my plan. I’ve already told my mom but she’s waiting to tell my dad because of health problems. So for now I’m just not doing anything until he knows I guess.

@hanysm@gmail.com Will this ever end? The anxiety and everything? I feel like everyday is a struggle and I’m not even sure of my actions or anything. One minute I’m fine the next I feel terrible. It feels like a lie

@leena445 - In Shaa Allah it at least will get better to a level that is manageable. Don't worry Shytan will not give up, but by then you know how to handle him.

@hanysm@gmail.com Thank you so much, I really hope nobody ever has to go through this plain ever.

@hanysm@gmail.com Is it unusual for me to feel ok and happy one minute and then terrible and crying the next? I’m starting to think maybe I have another mental problem

@leena445 I’ll keep praying hopefully everything gets better

@hanysm@gmail.com My memory feels so bad rn I feel like I can’t remember the events and everything seems fake. Please what do I do, I feel like I’m losing the memory of Thursday

@leena445 This could actually be a positive development. It suggests that those troubling thoughts are no longer present. The reason this feels strange is that your brain has become accustomed to experiencing pain and distress, so this improved state may feel unfamiliar. Give yourself time to adjust to this better way of feeling.

@hanysm@gmail.com me losing my memory of that day is positive? Really? I hope so I mean I just don’t know what’s to feel right now. Also I think this might’ve been a childhood thing, I remember when I was really little having something like this but whenever I prayed only, but then it went away. That means for all these years it never went away though

@leena445 I did mean loosing the image and associated feelings.That's why you need to consult with a professional.

@hanysm@gmail.com Ohh I see, well I did tell my mom and she did say she was ok with me going to therapy she just wants to wait until my dads heath gets better he is sick right now so she doesn’t want to worry him

@hanysm@gmail.com Thank you for all the help 🙏🏽

@hanysm@gmail.com Also, I don’t feel grossed out but having the thought itself exactly, I feel grossed out because the thought is gross if that makes sense. Like image your hands have dirt on them and you don’t wash them and you see that in your head if that makes sense. Mine is basically that except with objects and I fear that I did something to it like inappropriate to them and now they’re gross and that’s why I feel so contaminated and gross.

@leena445 I understand, and hope you see a specialist soon. Question out of curiosity, what is your background? I mean you mentioned your mom is not English speaker. If you don't feel comfortable sharing, that's OK as well.

@hanysm@gmail.com I don’t mind telling at all my mom and whole family are mainly south asian. That’s why I was so concerned to tell her what was happening because she grew up in a different country and had a very different culture.

@hanysm@gmail.com also we are all very religious and that’s why I especially feel grossed out by these thoughts because how could someone care so much about religion and everything and have these thoughts and see these images

@hanysm@gmail.com the thing is I’ve never done anything bad to anyone yet this happens to me. I see other people doing terrible things to other people or hoping for their downfall and nothing bad happens to them and I don’t understand why

@leena445 I feel crazy sometimes maybe I am the problem

@leena445 Avoid comparing yourself to others and asking, "Why me?" Comparisons can lead to arrogance, which is a grave sin. Shaytan's sin in the Garden was rooted in comparing himself to Adam. Instead of questioning why you face certain challenges, say "Alhamdulillah" (praise be to Allah). The magnitude of the tests Allah gives in this life is proportional to the strength of your faith. Remember, Shaytan targets those with strong faith more than those who engage in wrongdoing. So congratulations, you are one of the specials that the Shytan thought worthy his time, which shows you doing well.

@hanysm@gmail.com Wait really? Thank you you explained it so well

@hanysm@gmail.com I feel ok today but I’m scared to go near the object because I’m still scared it’s gross

@hanysm@gmail.com Is there a reason why the specific image I see in my head is so inappropriate and like bad

@leena445 Also I’m at the point where I don’t mind the thoughts I ignore them, I can’t ignore the fact that what if it’s true? That’s all I’m confused about nothing else.

@hanysm@gmail.com Also is it possible to get false memories from events not that long ago? I started seeing the images like the day of Thursday the same day? Whenever anyone talks about false memories it’s always from years ago, but mine is from a few hours ago on that day

@hanysm@gmail.com Oh I see thank you 🙏🏽 rumination really helped me, like real ocd everyone says rumination doesn’t help, but every time I look back and review past events and make sure I didn’t do anything wrong I really do feel better and that’s how the past few days I’ve been feeling less stressed because of the thoughts it’s like I convinced myself they aren’t true. It makes me more scared to think what if they are true though. like everyone says rumination reinforces the cycle but it really helped in my case. Why is this? I no longer cry when I get the thoughts or anything really or it’s so much less severe. Also I’m not diagnosed but the past two weeks have been so hard and now suddenly these past two days after I wrote down every event down and I really thought about it everything got easier. Does this mean what I was scared about is true?

@hanysm@gmail.com Wait ok I just remembered I checked for the scent of the brushes because I was scared I did something, and the scent was off so that means something must’ve happened right? like it was a new pack of brushes so maybe that’s why but it makes no sense.

@hanysm@gmail.com Hi I know this is late but I’m spiraling. Please help. I have a different image in my head of me doing something gross like putting something gross on my face. I replayed the events and I remember checking in the mirror at the time for something different, but what if I was checking the mirror to make sure there wasn’t evidence for whatever I did. But then how come in the moment I didn’t feel anxiety or feel anything on my face. I don’t even remember lifting anything up to my face. I got the thought almost immediately after why, please please help

@hanysm@gmail.com Also I’m not diagnosed with ocd that makes me even more scared

@leena445 You didn't feel anxious because you're learning to manage those thoughts, which is great progress. However, you gave in to the compulsion of checking the mirror. Remember, your mind is just creating misleading images; they're not real. Try to resist checking and let those thoughts pass. By the way, have you ever been exposed to pornography, conversations about certain sexual topics, or content on social media related to these themes?

@hanysm@gmail.com I think I’ve heard conversations but nothing more. Why do you ask?

@hanysm@gmail.com I do feel anxious right now and I’m giving into my compulsions I checked the mirror and my mouth felt gross so I spat and also anytime I go to the bathroom I lock my mouth like I make sure it doesn’t open

@hanysm@gmail.com I have a therapy appointment later today I’m so scared

@leena445 Good luck with the therapist. I asked to know the source of those thoughts. My guess it is memories based on past experiences, and the brain memory recycling mechanism is trying to get rid of them. Resist the compulsions, and know that those thoughts are not yours or represent you. What represent you is your rejection for those images, thoughts and reactions. Hanging there, you will be fine.

@hanysm@gmail.com Thank you so so much. I’m praying I just want to see one sign that I didn’t do all of these things then I will be ok. Part of me kind of feels it didn’t happen because in the moment I don’t remember feeling anxiety or feeling drops or anything on my face. I just remember as soon as I left the bathroom to go downstairs I got the thought on the staircase I think and then extreme anxiety.

@hanysm@gmail.com I’m scared to even use the bathroom now I feel like I need to take my mom with me

@leena445 Relax, it is all in your head.

@hanysm@gmail.com Thank you

@hanysm@gmail.com I really appreciate all of your advice you’re like a friend, I hope your son is feeling better with the ocd

@leena445 My son is showing some improvement, but he still struggles to acknowledge his addiction to his phone, social media, and spending excessive time in the bathroom. I've encouraged him to discuss it with his therapist, but he insists that he's fine. I worry that he's wasting his youth and life by isolating himself in these habits. Please keep him in your prayers, my dear daughter.

@hanysm@gmail.com I don’t know your son but I pray he heals and gets better and is able to go on about life without worry, please keep me in your prayers as well. Right now I feel ok but slightly uncertain