- Date posted
- 47w
Relationship Anxiety
I’ve been with my partner for over two years. We started a long distance away, and I remember feeling so in love, but the day my partner came to see me, I got into a place of fear. A month later, I decided to break up because it led me to high anxiety, and I thought I was better off alone. I started to feel she was the person causing all this anxiety. It took three months to work on me to realize it wasn’t my partner. It was me. We got back together and decided to give it another shot. I took it day by day because we were still a long distance away, but she decided to come back and live in my hometown. I remember times of going to see her and feeling significantly in love, which would reassure me I was in love, but then coming back, I would feel numb and not feeling anything, and my thoughts would trigger me into thinking if I was in the right relationship. I took it day by day when she finally moved back and lived in the same state, and we were doing great. Getting to know each other, I was present and enjoying the relationship. I felt so cared for, so loved. I would have doubts from time to time, but I was able to let those thoughts go. I even told myself I had seen myself with this person for a while because she had become my best friend. And then, I started to get overwhelmed with things around me. That led me to think I was better off alone, or even to think if I was settling or there was something better? Or I should feel more. This thought came into a spiral, realizing it was a pattern, but then I thought, okay, I need to work on what’s bothering me to make the relationship work, and then I said I need to break up. It was a contact thought of breaking up. I don’t know if it was an intrusive thought, but it made me anxious. Thinking I should leave my partner. I’m so sad and anxious and don’t know what to do. I wanted this relationship to work, and I was doing fine. I saw us making so many plans for the future, and now I feel closed off, and I don’t know what happened. Do I have relationship anxiety? Do I have OCD? Did my overthinking make me think I should be better off alone? I also feel upset. I don’t know if I feel upset with myself. It’s confusing.