Catlove9

Date posted: 45w

I really need help - Harm OCD

Recently I’ve been getting these awful intrusive feelings that I want to hurt people. And it actually feels like I want to do it or am about to do it. It feels like there is no way out. I am absolutely terrified. Why is this happening? I thought I was past all this but now it’s come in so much worse and out of no where. I am so scared that I need to be locked way. And when I’m in the middle of the panic, it feels like I cannot focus on anything else and that it will never go away.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 45w

This is very typical HOCD. i want to point out that you said " I FEEL, or it FEELS" a few times in your post. When you use your feelings to determine if something is real or not, that is called emotional reasoning and it is a maladaptive way of thinking called a cognitive distortion. OCD sufferers often have many cognitive distortions. a few things to keep in mind. 1. don't ask why, OCD has no reason, its a thought disorder, a glitched brain at best. no meaning to it. 2.OCD can come and go. Often during times of stress of physical fatigue, mine always flares when I go through big changes in life. 3. The way to get past this is to push thru it. Don't try to make the thoughts go away, allow them. the REAL problem with OCD is the compulsions, they feed the thoughts, they make your brain think the thoughts have meaning if you're doing a compulsion to relieve the anxiety. I beat HOCD. and what that means is I still have pretty gruesome thoughts about hurting others, or myself, but I have no distress about it anymore. for example, I was cleaning my kitchen the other night and my cat was chilling on the counter next to a SHARP knife. I had the thought and the image of me grabbing the knife and stabbing her, I even felt like I could do it too. So I used my ERP and said out loud to my cat " yep, I sure could stab you, but you wouldn't like that very much would you?" and I picked up the knife, put it back in its holder on the counter, then picked up my kitty and kissed her and went to bed with her. Lean into the thoughts, look up ERP and how to use it for yourself. it works.

Catlove9

Date posted: 45w

@TexasOCD41 Thank you for taking the time to write this for me. When you were going through it, did you have moments where it felt like you had to hold yourself back or even felt like there was no way out? It’s never felt like this before.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 45w

@Catlove9 - Yes, i would hide sharp objects becuase I was scared id snap and do something against my will, I avoided my cats because I was afraid id hurt them, I avoided people, I felt like a serial killer in the making. But all that avoidance, hiding things, that's all compulsive behavior and compulsions feed OCD.

Catlove9

Date posted: 45w

@TexasOCD41 Thank you. It’s just starting to feel more real and like this is who I am now. I’m so scared. I really appreciate your time 🙂

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 45w

@Catlove9 - Always take note when you use statements of " I feels real" catch yourself when you are using emotional reasoning. that's a flag that you're not using logic, you're letting OCD twist you're beliefs away from reality. tell yourself, " it feels real, but I KNOW its not, its OCD" and get back to living life in the moment.

Catlove9

Date posted: 45w

@TexasOCD41 Thank you. I have noticed that. It’s hard sometimes bc when I do try to bring in logic, it’s like my brain goes “oh… no. This is real.” And I start the cycle again.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 45w

@Catlove9 - well, bringing in logic after you have already used emotional reasoning is a double edged sword. Because that is a compulsion. If you have a thought and you think" this feels real, but it CANT be because I'm a good person, I would never do these things" at that point you are compulsively trying to reassure yourself and compulsions are what feed OCD. IT sounds VERY counter productive, but when you have these thoughts, the BEST way to handle them is to just, not respond in a positive OR negative way. Just say " oh, look, there is an OCD thought, not going to pay attention o it, ill feel anxious, ill feel uncomfortable, but that's just going to have to happen for awhile until my brain stops overreacting to these glitched thoughts" a very common ERP phrase is " maybe so, maybe not, maybe I will, maybe I wont, it doesn't matter tho, right now, I have other things to do"

Catlove9

Date posted: 45w

@TexasOCD41 I will keep trying that! Thank you. I was doing so well for a long time and this just got me again. Makes me fear it’s not OCD anymore. Which I know is a common OCD thought.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 45w

@Catlove9 Good job catching that. OCD is nicknamed “ the doubting disease “ keep that in mind and you’ll outsmart it again. This will pass, hang in there.

Catlove9

Date posted: 45w

@TexasOCD41 Thank you for all your help!

Sweetysalty

Date posted: 45w

This happened to me a lot. I usually stay in room never go out or otherwise I feel like I will go out of control. The best thing I overcome with this is meditation and exercise. This thing usually became the part of my life and I was so fed up that it automatically went away.

Catlove9

Date posted: 45w

@Sweetysalty Why does this happen? It makes me feel like I’ve turned into a monster.

Catlove9

Date posted: 45w

@happiness._.123 It feels like it’s never going to go away and that I’m just using OCD as an excuse 😭. I am so scared.

EO281128

Date posted: 45w

@Catlove9 Relax , you are not excusing your self let me tell you A verified experienced Doctors YT for OCD (all types) and anxiety His YT Channel name - "OCD and Anxiety" His name is 'Nathan Peterson' and have experience of 15+ years You are not alone , stay strong :)

Sweetysalty

Date posted: 45w

@Catlove9 For me it happens because I love my family and I really care about them. It happens when we are so emotionally attached to family others and religion don't know if they are happy or not. For example if we hate someone or had an argument with someone.. other people they think I wish he or she could die but if we think we believe they will actually die because of some supernatural but obviously it's not in our hands if we think about that person death. When we think about person death the next things comes up if we actually lose our mind. To not to loose our mind we endure locking ourselves and sharp things because it can lead to schizophrenia and don't want to endure in jail or mental hospital. For me It happened when I was unable cook because of holding knife. That's why meditation is important. I hope this help.

Catlove9

Date posted: 45w

@Anonymous Thank you! I appreciate it.

Catlove9

Date posted: 45w

@Sweetysalty Yah. It definitely attacks what I love most. I just hate how real it feels. Like it could happen at any moment or like my body is going to do it.

Anonymous

Date posted: 45w

Im having this right now and I feel like maybe I don't have ocd and I actually want to kill my family members

Anonymous

Date posted: 45w

I don't feel anxious about it which makes everything feel like I'm faking it and I want to do it

Catlove9

Date posted: 45w

@Anonymous How are you getting through it?

Anonymous

Date posted: 45w

@Catlove9 Idk anymore, everything is so confusing cause I'm questioning myself "do I really want to kill my sisters"

Catlove9

Date posted: 45w

@Anonymous Have you seen an OCD specialist yet?

lu22

Date posted: 24w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

Catlove9

Date posted: 23w

I need guidance or to feel like I am not alone

I was doing so much better with my OCD. I thought I finally figured it out. However, the last two weeks have been a nightmare. It’s like I went from 0-100 all over again. And it’s become scarier than it ever has been. Every other thought is either causing me anxiety or turning into an intrusive thought. Any headache or feeling of derealization, and I start to spiral. My thoughts are becoming more gruesome and feeling more real. The intrusive urges are so bad it feels like at any moment I could actually just snap. It feels like I am about to go crazy. Another hard aspect is when I’m getting these intrusive urges it feels like I want to do it or I don’t care if I do it. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like this disgusting monster who is just going to lose it and I want it to be over. Why is this happening when I was finally better? It makes me feel like it’s not OCD and I’m actually this person and I’m just holding my true self back. I’m sick to my stomach.

Astjtoju13!

Date posted: 23w

Harm ocd

Someone please help me I’m having intrusive thoughts of hurting my pets and I’m really scared of myself and I want these thoughts to go away. Can someone please help me I’m scared and I don’t know if I’m a monster

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I really need help - Harm OCD

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