Another horrible Harm OCD episode

@Speckles It just feels so REAL.

@Speckles How are you doing now ?

@Catlove9 I know it feels so real and it's a terrible feeling. I feel like I'm losing my mind

@Speckles That’s how it feels. It feels like I’m a completely different person. And it’s not going away.

@wmorris93 I'm not doing that well at all. I feel like I'm going to lose it. I have no self esteem left.

@Catlove9 I know what you mean. It's scary. I don't feel like my normal self anymore

@Speckles How do you cope? And is yours around harm ocd or something else?

@Catlove9 I had Harm OCD, but got over that and now it's POCD which is worse. I'm having a hard time. I try to tell myself it's just the OCD, but it's debilitated me

@Speckles I’m really sorry to hear that. I get that here and there. Right now it’s definitely the harm for me. And then of course the false memory comes in. I don’t want this anymore. I wish I could take it away for all of us. Are you doing ERP for POCD? I’m trying with harm at the moment but it seems that’s not even working now. Making me believe it’s all real 😔

@Catlove9 I'm sorry you are going thru it too. I wish the was a magic pill that could take it all away. The ERP I'm doing doesn't seem to be working for me either. I don't know what to do at this point anymore. I can hardly function

@Speckles Has it ever been like this for you before?

@Catlove9 Yes...I did get better before, but now I'm not doing good at all

@Speckles But that means you’ll get better again! How long have you had OCD?

@Catlove9 I don't know bc I don't feel better now. I'm scared I won't and will have to be institutionalized. I've been the psych wards more than once. I've had it for 35 yrs. But didn't get it treated. I just got by. How long have you had it?

@Catlove9 I've let my hygiene go. It's hard to even shower. My husband is aware of it, but I try to hide it a lot bc I feel like a burden

@Speckles I know how you feel. I’m 36, about to be 37. And I would say I’ve had it for 32-33 years. I’ve had it a long time. I’m worried I’m just never going to be me again. It feels like a wall has been put up. You’re not a burden. If you had cancer or anything else, your husband would be there for you. OCD is a disease. My boyfriend doesn’t understand as much. He tries to help but it’s hard for him to understand.

@Catlove9 And they say it goes to the people that are important to you. So mine targeted my cat. And I loved him and was devastated when he passed. Now it's going to children and I'd never would hurt an innocent child. I can't believe this. Is yours confined to your boyfriend? It really sucks!! I wish I had a physical disease instead of this. Nobody understands this much. You can vent to me anytime. I know what you are going thru and it's hell

@Speckles So mine also goes toward my cats and my boyfriend. It’s fixated on my boyfriend right now. My OCD was always around health or dying or false memory but then 5 years ago, I had a horrible panic attack and it felt like I was going to hurt people and that’s when the harm ocd came. It hit me out of nowhere. And it’s been off and on for 5 years. Sprinkled in with horrendous false memory as well. The about 3 weeks ago I had the worst attack of my life. It felt like I had truly cracked and I was TERRIFIED. Now the harm ocd is full force. It feels like I want to hurt my boyfriend and I get so anxious that it actually feels like I’m about to do it. I know it sounds awful 😔

@Catlove9 Oh Gosh...I know just how you feel. It makes you feel like a bad person bc why would we have such horrific thoughts. We have to tell ourself that they aren't true. That's what my therapist keeps saying. I hate it... they aren't true. But can still feel real. 😔

@Catlove9 My therapist had me write a script of I went crazy and snapped. Then had me write if I committed the act that my images portray. Also. If I died and went to hell. I've been so anxious lately. I don't see how this is helping me!

@Speckles That’s exactly how it feels! I feel like a horrible person and questioning how this could be OCD and why I’m having these thoughts. Hurting someone is the LAST thing I would ever want. Yet I feel like the thoughts just won’t stop! Oh I’ve written those scripts. I haven’t stuck with it but I need to. Do you see a therapist on here? I do and I am supposed to be in maintenance but I feel like it’s back full force.

@Catlove9 I hear you I've always been a sensitive person and would never hurt anyone. I actually save bugs and put them outside instead of kill them. I don't get this disease any it attacks good people.. I do see a therapist on here, but she's having me read those scripts and it's making me worse. I might cancel her for now. I'm spending money that I don't have. I haven't been able to work bc of this. What does your therapist do that helps? If anything bc I feel mine isn't helping. Not her fault, but do feel any better

@Catlove9 But don't feel any better with the therapist

@Speckles You sound so much like me. I don’t kill bugs either. I save all of them and take them outside. Even spiders. I think the scripts are supposed to help but it’s more helpful when the therapist is doing them with you. I’m not getting a lot of help either right now. But I did just buy Nathan Peterson’s course online. It’s self-guided. I’m going to try that.

@hanysm@gmail.com Have you experienced the same?