ROCD in early pregnancy

I’ve had rocd for the last few years , got married a few months ago and I finally felt the last couple of months I had it under check and wasn’t getting as many flare ups. I’ve just found out I’m a few weeks pregnant and my obsessive thoughts have now Sky rocketed. I’ve been crying most days and I’m feeling guilty because I read that anxiety and crying can be harmful to the baby. My obsessive thought is fixated on a stranger I crossed paths with a couple of years ago , I felt attracted to him and it caused my ocd to spiral as I imagined life scenarios living with him etc which made me feel really guilty as I’m in a relationship with my partner. I still have these obsessive thoughts over this person years later it hasn’t gone away and now I’m pregnant I’m feeling extra guilty that I’m worrying if these thoughts mean I’m meant to be with this other person. I know this seems really immature and I need to get a grip with reality but the thoughts seem so real- it’s like I worry about the idea of this person being a ‘soulmate’ due to the obsession over him . I’ve never told my husband about these thoughts because I don’t think he would understand or handle it well, he’s worried about me crying during pregnancy and thinks it’s to do with the baby which is in turn making me more anxious.

Lily90

Date posted: 43w

Hey there, I can relate to this 100%. My OCD attaches on to a mistake I made years ago with my ex boyfriend from high school. I have basically convinced myself I am the worst person ever and a horrible wife and that I don’t deserve my loving husband. - a bit of a different story than yours. However, I was pregnant 2 years ago and my OCD went absolutely thought the roof. I didn’t even know I had OCD until pregnancy. Obsessive thoughts, ruminating the past, trying to look for answers of the past, thinking it everybody hates me, and always thinking it was hopeless. It got so bad that during pregnancy that I genuinely had thoughts of wanting to leave this earth. I never thought I would say those words or think those things. What I’m trying to get to is after I had my baby it got sooooo much better. I am currently pregnant again and I am finding myself spiral AGAIN. I told myself “I’ve been through this before I know how it ends don’t let it get it me like last time” but the OCD has made me believe otherwise. Feel free to reach out to me if you’d like to talk more about pregnancy and flare ups. This is my 2nd rodeo and I know it’s no fun… hang in there. I’ll be praying for you!

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 43w

@Lily90 Awh Lily thanks for reaching out and I’m genuinely sorry that you had to go through that and currently are cause I can only imagine the pressure you feel to get better which doesn’t help it just makes it worse . On the positive side it’s reassuring to know we’re not alone and from your message it seems like it must be common to flare up during pregnancy. I’ll pop you a message x

FloralEnvoy

Date posted: 43w

It's just obsessive thoughts, that's what I tell myself. If it was years ago and the thoughts suddenly pop up given the appearance of a milestone you've reached in your relationship, that screams ocd to me. I don't offer this as reassurance though, you already seem to be aware of ROCD. You gotta keep up your ability to self-soothe and not really on reassurance or compulsions. I say all this out of empathy, as a man I couldn't imagine going through ROCD on top of pregnancy, you are a warrior and I'm sure your husband would be able to understand given enough time and proper explanation, but do try to avoid telling him out of a need to "come clean". That man from years ago is not in your life anymore, and the memories of him are not stirring up positive memories, even if your brain says otherwise you are still crying at the end of the day. The outward reaction betrays the inner narrative, so don't let the anxiety eat at you. I highly suggest getting into therapy, if you want to keep your ocd battle seperate from your marraige, I suggest seeking therapy under the guise of needing a little extra emotional support due to the pregnancy. Nothing like telling a man "woman problems" to get him to give you privacy.

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 43w

@FloralEnvoy Thanks for your message , it’s been hard the last few days and you are right I am sure the pregnancy has a massive part to do with it. It feels good to write down my worries and get it off my chest as I’ve just bottled it in for years - I don’t think I could turn to friends or family as I fear they’d not understand and tell me to leave my relationship.

FloralEnvoy

Date posted: 43w

@Tillyyyx Then I highly encourage you to seek therapy, as not even relatives or a spouse can trump HIPPA. As someone else struggling through ROCD, I hope you can find some way to find peace and rest with your husband. It wasn't much, but after a tough day battling intrusive thoughts yesterday I held my partner for hours and woke up feeling a bit better for it today. Don't leave, do the exact opposite. Stay, because you deserve to stay and no choice made out of fear is much of a choice at all.

nessy

Date posted: 24w

Flirted by a stranger, causing ROCD flare up.

I’ve been with my partner for about 7 years. I thought I was over the ROCD for a while. But I’ve been under a lot of stress. I’m moving in with him next week, but I lost my job due to severe anxiety and depression affecting my job. (I hated working there) It’s been stressful trying to find another job while moving and I’ve noticed I would occasionally get intrusive thoughts, but I managed to ignore them, especially with the help of medication. However just today I went shopping for groceries and this stranger asked for my number and called me cute. I can’t lie it was flattering but I rejected him and confirmed I had a partner and it was serious. He was very friendly about it and I went home. But now I’m getting these intrusive thoughts like “You want him instead of your partner.” “You’d rather be with him.” “You felt flattered so you want to be in a relationship with him instead and cheat on your partner or break up with your partner.” It’s been so hard since coming back home because while I was flattered, my brain keeps thinking I’ve cheated for some reason or want to cheat or break up with my partner. For reference, I’m demisexual which means I don’t have any attraction until I develop a strong emotional connection with someone. So I wasn’t attracted to this stranger but I keep thinking I am? I really hate this because I love my partner so much and I thought I was over all of this. Any advice when a flare up like this happens? I assume it’s a flare up because I hate how real it feels, it makes me feel sick with anxiety.

JustMe2025

Date posted: 22w

ROCD hits hard

Hey I'm new here... Married for two years, not formally diagnosed with OCD but over 25 years, I've dealt with obsessing over my sexuality, then it has shifted to obsessing over my relationships. In my first marriage, I would notice other attractive men and at one point I started to obsess over one man at my church. Eventually it went away but I divorced for other reasons. Fast forward 15 years. I meet my now-husband, but we break up twice while dating. I was terrified. I have learned I do struggle with fearful/avoidant attachment, but I made it through to get married!! But now, the obsessing over other men is happening again. I work with a lot of men. If I notice one who may be handsome, all of a sudden I feel weird sensations in my body, my mind races, and I fear I want to cheat, or wonder if I'd be happier. It has happened with a guy at my church, several coworkers, my husband's best friend...so I know there's a pattern. But as of late, it has gotten worse with one coworker. I have to see him every day. The thoughts are loud. They feel real, like they're how I feel (I like him, he has nice eyes, I love you). I am a Christian, and when I pray about it, it's almost like something inside me says, 'don't fix this, this isn't OCD, I want this guy' blah blah blah. I feel awful, like a whore, like a cheater, like a double-minded person. And I feel so far away from my husband. I've dealt with feeling the need to confess everything early in our relationship. I've gotten better at not doing that, but I feel like I carry this private pain that no one understands. It really hurts. I guess I just needed to vent and let this out. Sometimes it feels so lonely. I feel crazy. I'm in my 50s, I have a full time job, I take care of my home, yet I feel paralyzed by this sometimes. Thanks for reading.

Holl1

Date posted: 17w

OCD

So I’ve just found out I’m pregnant and I’m freaking out rn I’ve been getting thoughts like “I’ll be a bad mum” and overthinking everything & my OCD is convincing me that I’ll act on my thoughts because of my hormones and stuff. I’ve also got a fear of being sick & I’m stressing over that too. Anyone else who has harm OCD pregnant or a Mum can give me some advice pls😭

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ROCD in early pregnancy

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