Struggling with unexpected OCD relapse after 20 years—anyone else?

OCD relapse after 20 years

I’m wondering if this has happened to anyone else… I’m 28 years old. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was very young and it took a while, but I overcame it. I haven’t had any compulsions in 20 years. I’ve had some horrible things happen in the past, but nothing brought back my OCD. The only thing I struggle with is overthinking and making decisions. Im about to take a sabbatical from my work for a year to travel because the last year of my life has been by far the happiest and most confident iv ever been. I went to see a therapist a couple weeks ago who was an OCD specialist, I just wanted some tips and tricks for decision-making while I’m on my trip. She warned me that my OCD might get worse before it gets better, but I thought that she just meant with decision-making and overthinking. They have this program set out that I didn’t really wanna do but she told me it works really well so I decided to try it. It’s two sessions a week and the first two sessions were sort of just talking about my old OCD and doing questionnaires. I really related to some of the questionnaire questions, and the therapist was actively telling me that I definitely had OCD the whole time which made me feel bad. After our second session, my OCD came back full swing like when I was a child. I cant stop thinking about doing compulsions every waking second. It’s been two weeks. I’ve been to her several times and nothing is helping, I’m resisting the urge to do compulsions as much as I can and I feel like I’m fighting for my life. Nothing is helping and I’m burning out. I wake up and cry everyday because of how uncomfortable and out of control I feel. I never thought this would happen and im so mad at myself for ruining my trip. I feel like I’ve ruined my life tbh and even if I do get better, I’m always gonna be bothered by the constant fear that even at the highest and most happy points in my life it could just come back at any second with no warning signs.. I thought I knew how to deal with it and had the tools, but nothing is working this time and its ruining my life. Today I asked about cancelling my trip altogether, and I might be going on medical leave. Has this happened to anybody and do you have any tips for me?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 5w ago

For starters, I am so sorry thus happened to you. You should hold on to the fact that you hadn't had any compulsions in 20 years. Think back to when you overcame the OCD the first time. What did you do that was successful? If you can remember that process I think you should try that instead of what you are trying now. Some of the treatments that are given for this work well for some and not for others.

Username: OverThinker17OverThinker17

Date posted: 5w ago

@Anonymous Thank you for your kind reply. I have been trying what used to work for me but it doesn’t seem to be working this time.. i will keep going to therapy and try to trust in the process. It feels so random to me, sometimes I do have a good day or brief moments where it feels gone and I dont know why.

Username: OverThinker17OverThinker17

Date posted: 5w ago

@Anonymous But you are right and I will try to hold onto that. If I did it before its possible to do it again.

Username: aimy aimy

Date posted: 5w ago

Yes I had ocd about 10 years ago. It’s come back now since I started a new job :(

Username: OverThinker17OverThinker17

Date posted: 5w ago

@aimy Im really sorry to hear

Username: aimy aimy

Date posted: 5w ago

I remember I got rid of my ocd by making up stories in my head like creating a tv show type with characters and stuff I liked. Everytime I got the bad thought I tried to override it with this. It worked and I got over my ocd. This time has been a struggle but I have finally found another story I’m replacing with the bad thoughts. It’s starting to work and the thoughts are getting less and less. I’m still doing some compulsions such as checking but starting to feel a little better again. I don’t know if this is good advice and has worked for anyone else but it has helped me overcome in the past.

Username: OverThinker17OverThinker17

Date posted: 5w ago

@aimy Thank you for sharing this. This is sort of what I do when Im running and burning out. I will try this.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 5w ago

Yeah, but after like ten years because I’m only 38

Username: OverThinker17OverThinker17

Date posted: 5w ago

@Anonymous Im sorry to hear

Username: Naeun

Date posted: 4y ago

Hey guys so I had harm ocd for the first time back in 2017 and it lasted till 2019. It was absolute torture. It was so bad I couldn’t stop crying I thought I was going insane. The therapist was trash and just wanted to throw me on meds but I don’t want any meds. The therapist didn’t even specialize in OCD. Somehow it went away and I’m been living a happy life for 9 months till it somehow came back. While I was good I would think about it and be like wow I’m really cured, but it’s back and it’s haunting me and bringing past memories and haunting me back how I used to felt. Now I’m convinced this is gonna stay for years and not go away and I’m gonna end up killing my family on their sleep. Suddenly become violent and listen to the urges. It’s so bad. I just want peace and live life like everyone else. But I can’t anymore. What am I gonna do. I can’t live my 20s peacefully anymore.

Username: genericusern...

Date posted: 3y ago

I first sought help for SO-OCD in 2017 after a sudden onset of the thought, "what if I'm gay?" I had been reading an online college fiction story that included a sex scene with two women, and that idea sent me into a spiral of sleepless weeks (literally), constantly checking my level of attraction to women, comparing it to my attraction to men, reevaluating past events, checking to see if my physical behaviors were "straight." It was awful. Fortunately I found help online when I realized that I wasn't alone and that countless others found themselves obsessing over a "sudden change" in their orientation. I was able to get therapy, though out of network and very expensive, and worked through CBT/ERP to overcome my most significant challenges. After about a year, through therapy and eventually on my own (costs, again smh) I felt I'd successfully managed my SO-OCD and experienced no distress on the rare occasion a thought did come to pass. Now, 5 years later, I've found myself back in familiar territory. I can't figure out what the trigger was here, and I've been experiencing immense distress as my brain constantly throws doubtful thoughts my way, and I unfortunately do my mental checks of reviewing memories, seeking online reassurance, and trying to "prove" to myself what is true by constantly thinking about proof one way or the other. Has anyone else experienced a spike after a long time of having managed their SO-OCD? And if so, was it difficult to get back on the recovery track? Is it normal to backslide like this?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: MedStudentAn...

Date posted: 2y ago

I am struggling with a relapse of OCD after years of feeling much better with CBT and Sertraline. I took Sertraline for 7 years and stopped a few months ago, but found my OCD has come back as strong as ever. I have since resumed the medication by titrating back up to what will hopefully be a helpful dosage (under the supervision of my doctor), but I would like to know if anyone else has had a similar issue of relapse after stopping an SSRI. Additionally, did anyone find that resuming the same drug was effective in returning them to their previous baseline? I am new to NOCD and look forward to getting started with my new therapist in March. Thanks for any and all responses in advanced!

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Struggling with unexpected OCD relapse after 20 years—anyone else?

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