- Date posted
- 43w
Im so uncomfortable around my dad and idk if its OCD or not...
My Dad makes me so uncomfortable to the point of me literally not even wanting to hear him speak. Around February this year i started experiencing intrusive thoughts about POCD and thoughts about him. It was so brutal, i was failing school cause of rumination, and i couldn't even look in his direction for days it was that bad. It got a little better, but now its worse again. He does this thing were he just stares at me. LIke, alot. I catch him staring at me all the time, it came to a point were everytime i do it i calll him weird names. Its basically almost a boundary. Dont fucking stare at me ever second you have. ITs fucking creepy as hell? At first i was scared to bring it up, to both him and my Mom. But im not afraid to express my disgust on how much he looks at me. I feel bad sometimes, but i call him a freak and a weirdo. He knows i hate being called "princess" yet still does it anyway. I get so bad i want to fucking hit something. I slam my doors, punch a wall. It infuriates me and the uncomfortableness in my body is overwhelming. But idk if its OCD. I dont nessacarily get "what ifs" anymore. Its more just reading more into the scenario than i need to. For example, he came into my room about 10 minutes ago, just randomly. He congratulated me for the nice things my teachers were saying about me, and i was really just trying to focus on something and i knew that even if i saw his existence it would trigger me and make me so uncomfortable. I even get intense groinal respones that make me want to literally cry and sob for weeks. I feel disgusting. Ive felt disgusting. But basically he also told me to put a pillow under my lap, cause my computer was on it, and hes some health freak about stuff like that. I say just please leave and he wont leave and just keeps pushing it and staring at me and making jokes like its funny till the point im screaming at him to just leave. I know i sound like a lunatic, but its so overwhelming to just simply be around him. Its so fucking uncomfortable. Then about 10 minutes later, he yells into my room saying "did you put the pillow yet??" and my brain said this as a "hes always thinking about you" and i literally started bursting out in tears and told him to leave me alone. Idk whats wrong with me. IM fucking broken. Im a fucking terrible daughter just cause of these feelings. Hes made it very clear that hes not staring at me in a weird way, as ive asked him before. But these thoughts and these feelings their just to strong to ignore. Their just to much, and idk how to get rid of them. Its like each time i see him i just get triggered, but obviously i cant just ignore my dad for i am only 13 years old. Im so fucking exhausted with this stupif bullshit, i shouldnt have to deal with this. Idk what is wrong and i fear i will never get the answer on if its me or him. Please someone just help me, i just need a little bit of comfort right now is all.