- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
"it's not fair on you I should stop seeing you" maybe comes from a good intention but constantly triggers your fear of abandonment. It's a shadow planing on your relationship. And it's feeding your OCD as well.
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah I’ve told him how it made me feel, he said he never intended to stop seeing me but felt bad for her antics (she’s legitimately crazy) I just hate that my ex fucking up and his ex has affected us. I could have been so happy if I didn’t have ocd too. I hate my brain
- Date posted
- 5y
When my ex left me with no warning it was immediately after a holiday, I reacted physically I lost ten pounds in one week, all over body hives and my lips and eyes swelled to the point I looked like a bad surgery victim
- Date posted
- 5y
@?uwotm8? This I can relate to. From where I stand, it looks like your priority number one is to be secured in your relationship. Explain to him extensively how you feel and what is the problem, make it clear that he has to avoid this kind of statement (if that can comfort you, it would make anybody insecure...) And tell him what you need from him to be reassured. He might refuse, but it's a good thing to tell him. He might need some help with exactly the same kind of problems you deal with, too, it seems.
- Date posted
- 5y
@?uwotm8? Priority #2 is accepting wholeheartedly you have OCD and refuse to check for STDs and do some exercises in here... And go see a shrink. You're not broken and it's not weakness to seek some help.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ailil He’s since said he won’t leave me and that he was sorry for it affecting me, however I spoke about these fears before and it caused mayhem because he can’t understand why I’m worried specifically about STDs What do you mean he needs help too?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ailil And I know I have ocd, but I don’t see this in the same way as my old checking rituals with the oven and the doors etc, it doesn’t feel like ocd because all of this began when I had actual physical symptoms
- Date posted
- 5y
@?uwotm8? I just really feel like he’s too good for me, it’s only a matter of time before he leaves me and I’ll be devastated
- Date posted
- 5y
Looks like it is OCD...
- Date posted
- 5y
that's a form of contamination ocd
- Date posted
- 5y
This is the most OCD thing I've heard of. You need some ERP.
- Date posted
- 5y
Really? It seems logical to me , they say STDs are transmitted via bodily fluid so what if there’s fluid on the seat ? If my knickers touched it then surely there’s a possibility
- Date posted
- 5y
@?uwotm8? That's the logical part. The thinking that it somehow got on your knickers in some bizarre unrealistic way is the illogical part.
- Date posted
- 5y
I think it can be plain old logic yet the intensity of the preoccupation (aka obsession) and the need to check and recheck all over again makes the OCD
- Date posted
- 5y
Do I get tested again? I’m so scared I’ll lose my relationship I feel like I’m at risk incase I accidentally/unknowingly got someone else’s fluid inside me and now I’m infected
- Date posted
- 5y
Don't get tested again - Go get therapy instead.
- Date posted
- 5y
I've seen your posts before and it seems like you're very reluctant to believe that this is ocd and go through and doing erp. i know it's hard and it'll make you anxious, but you can't get tested again—itll just make your fears worse. maybe talking to your partner about this fear will help alleviate those worries?
- Date posted
- 5y
I’ve got an appointment with an old therapist in two weeks and a gp appointment in one week. I feel fried. I really believe I’m at risk 24/7 It all started because I had symptoms and I can’t stop worrying over other ways I could because infected now which would result in him thinking I’m a cheat and he will leave
- Date posted
- 5y
@?uwotm8? Get an appointment with an OCD specialist girl, not with somebody thats not gonna know how to treat you
- Date posted
- 5y
@Vimli The gp appointment is for a referral and then therapist was a cbt specialist Do you really think this is ocd? It honestly feels possible that I might have come into contact with someone’s fluid I really feel irresponsible if I’m not checked again
- Date posted
- 5y
@?uwotm8? CBT from a non-ocd specialist is likely not gonna do that much for you, but yeah you literally have an obsession and youre doing compulsions. You feel like it's real and youre scared to death and miserable. That's OCD
- Date posted
- 5y
@Vimli He is an ocd specialist
- Date posted
- 5y
IT IS OCD, beyond the shadow of a doubt
- Date posted
- 5y
I have contamination OCD and your intrusive thoughts about germs can rapidly escalate from one to the next to the next, like your experiencing. At times, my life has changed dramatically in just a few weeks, because one intrusive thought generated a hundred more. Getting more testing WILL NOT HELP YOU. The more you "feed" your OCD, the worse it will get.
- Date posted
- 5y
O keep thinking “what if I didn’t swab myself well enough” when I had my tests too I’m scared I’m putting my partner at risk without knowing
- Date posted
- 5y
That "what if" is literally an OCD thing. Period.
- Date posted
- 5y
Can you tell why you are more preoccupied by your partner thinking you are a cheater than by your own health?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Vimli How do I know that though?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ailil Well because what if I did have something, I didn’t know it because my tests always said negative and then he catches something and then he thinks I’m a cheater, I’m so in love with him I can’t have that happen I don’t want it to end
- Date posted
- 5y
@?uwotm8? So you don't really fear STDs but abandonment?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ailil Yeah I guess that’s what it boils down to I used to be with someone for ten years and he left me suddenly with no warning. Now I’m in a loving relationship and experienced symptoms I’m petrified something will happen
- Date posted
- 5y
And having an STD would somehow provide an explanation to a sudden abandon
- Date posted
- 5y
You think that’s what my ocd has clung to? A few times he’s said he can’t be with me (his ex is still in his life for work reasons) and he’s been stressed by it in the past. Maybe that has contributed too
- Date posted
- 5y
I think it's the reason why. Without an explanation you're left responsible of the breakup, at least responsible to find a reason why it happened. Catching an STD on a toilet seat is something that would both come from you and that you're not really responsible of. So maybe you're reassuring yourself through tests so you have a kind of grasp on the "non-sudden-departure" of your partner? Idk I'm no shrink but that seems credible to me
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah I keep going to the clinic because if I get confirmation I’m clean and he can’t get one from me then in my head I’m predicting the future I guess? Cuz if I have no std then I can’t pass one on, and if I don’t pass one on then he won’t leave me Doesn’t help that I went from being abandoned by someone with literally no reason, he cut me off entirely with no explanation, then I was with someone abusive for 5 months who didn’t get tested - just relied on my results, now my current guy is fucking lovely but has had issues with his ex stressing him out, which results in him saying in the past “it’s not fair on you I should stop seeing you” etc
- Date posted
- 5y
@?uwotm8? That means he literally cares for you. If you don't want to hurt him - start caring for yourself too - Go to an OCD specialist
- Date posted
- 5y
@Vimli I’m waiting for my gp appointment to get a referral to a specialist
- Date posted
- 5y
Ok yeah so you were pressured and still are...
- Date posted
- 5y
Were pressured when now? Sorry I’m not sure what you mean
- Date posted
- 5y
If you can’t go to therapy, there are several books out there. One that comes to mind is “Don’t feed the monkey mind”. It’s an easy read and gives you some practical advice and skills you can use.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
(long read ahead, sorry lol) I’ve struggled with ocd for as far back as I can remember. I find that it gets worse with stress, and recently I’ve really been struggling with the contamination aspect of my ocd. I’m worried about it becoming unmanageable and negatively affecting my relationship with my partner. I’ve been living with my boyfriend since January (got kicked out of my house a week after I turned 18, it’s for the better though my house is toxic as hell) and I love living with him, but him and his family aren’t as concerned with cleaning as I am used to. My boyfriend and I have been together going on 2 years and there’s been many times throughout our relationship that his struggle with depression severely impacted his ability to keep up with cleaning his room. This is something I completely understand because I’ve struggled with it too so i’ve often helped him clean, and since i’ve moved in he’s done so much better at keeping up with cleaning (especially because he knows about my issues with clutter, mess, germs, etc.) He is really good at being accommodating towards my needs (not overly so, i’m aware that recovering includes accepting being uncomfortable), but it’s so hard for me to differentiate between what is the normal standard for cleanliness and hygiene and what’s excessive and unhealthy. I get so stressed out every single day over the thought of how dirty everything is. He has 3 cats that mainly stay in his room (he has a catio attached to his window/side of the house) and dogs which stay on the opposite side of the house and backyard, so there is fur everywhere constantly (i’m also allergic to cats but it’s not severe). I can’t stop thinking about how they are getting germs from their litter box all over everything. They also used to piss under his bed and in his closet when his room used to be a mess and it’s soaked into the floor so no matter what it stinks. It’s so hard to bring myself to walk around the house without slippers because my feet will get visibly dirty and my socks would get covered in hair. I always think about how my boyfriend sometimes walks on the rugs in the bathroom in shoes and all the germs that spreads. There’s so many more things but this is already getting long and I am shaking just thinking about how unclean everything is. I want to deep clean the entire house myself so I can get it to where It’s not like psychological torture everyday and it’s easier to maintain but I have been so busy I don’t have the time. I am worried about my boyfriend thinking I don’t like living with him or that I think that’s he’s dirty but i don’t. We have had several conversations about this and he’s reassured me that he knows none of my obsessive thoughts are personal but I still feel so bad about it. I would like to get therapy to help work through this but currently that is not an option for me. I know things will get better once I get through the main things in my life that are causing a lot of stress and therefore making my ocd flair up, but I need advice on what to do in the mean time. I keep having moments where all I can do is shake and cry and clean and I feel bad for my poor boyfriend who can only sit next to me and try to comfort me or help me clean. I also don’t want to make him worried that nothing he does is enough for me (i’ve also already talked to him about this and told him about how I can never even be clean enough for myself and that I don’t think he’s dirty). There’s been many times where I want to tell him to do things that I think might be my own unhealthy compulsions (ex. not wearing shoes in the house or in our room, not getting into bed with socks on, making sure to completely dry off before getting out the shower, put makeup and jewelry back where they belong right after using them, etc.) but i can’t tell if they’re reasonable or not and i try to not tell him unless it’s something that severely distresses me. I’m aware that everything is going to have germs no matter what and have been using NER’s to help manage my thought spirals/rumination. I know that I shouldn’t keep doing compulsions because it just offers temporary relief and makes the problem worse because nothing will ever be enough. I just feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless and exhausted and want some feedback.
- Date posted
- 20w
This fear keeps coming back and it’s to the point I cry and what to panic. I no longer talk to the man simply because I wanted to move on and find something meaningful to have with someone (relationship wise). I still keep fearing I need to go get my blood checked. Thoughts like “what if I have it and don’t know it and give to someone?” “What if that urine test I took months ago didn’t work” I got tested for stds but it came back negative. They took a urine test but google says you have to have your blood drawn!! I’m so scared. My mind tells me “you have HIV” and then a sense of peace comes and scares me even more!!!
- Date posted
- 17w
In September I had unprotected oral sex. I haven’t had sex in five years because even before that I was so ashamed and worried about sex. I finally did it and then a few weeks later while I was at work I started to be very itchy all in my underwear area like up to my butt. I didnt see any blisters or anything but when I googled it, herpes came up. Eventually I thought maybe it was the new underwear I bought and it went away after I stopped wearing them. However it’s returned twice, mostly when I’m really worried about herpes. I know this makes little sense because I don’t thinking about it would cause an outbreak but, either way I’m really nervous to go get tested because I heard there’s a high false positive rate and if I get a positive there’s a huge chance I will just become a recluse and never speak to anyone again. I already have so much trauma with sex, vaginismus, etc. I can’t imagine telling anyone I have herpes and then they 1) don’t want to be with me 2) now know this and could tell anyone they want Even if I don’t have it I was reading it could be asymptomatic and 80% of people who have it don’t even know, so now I’m worried I will get it no matter what sex I have. I can barely handle staying alive with just OCD but now with social stigma with herpes I will feel like I can not even live a normal life. I am already freaking out about it and don’t know what to do. I am worried to go get tested and it saying I have it, and then I’m worried to not and potentially spread it, I’m not even having sex with anyone right now so it’s not like I would. But I’m worried I will forget to wash my hands and touch something and someone else will touch it and then get it. I’m just having a really bad time.
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