I know I know me again but please help me I can’t tell if it’s ocd or not Basically I’m scared of having STDs despite never having been diagnosed with one. I spiralled a few months ago after I googled some symptoms I had, now I feel like everything is a threat. I’m clear of everything according to my tests, but when I use public toilets I freeze in fear. If I see wee or blood I feel like I need to go back for more tests incase I came into contact with them. I’m scared of touching door handles or sitting on the seat now (never used to be) and toilet roll feels like a threat too I’m not sure if my underwear/pad touched the seat last week or not and it’s been eating away at me. What if there was someone’s bodily fluid there? I had no choice but to pull my knickers back up anyway, I feel like I might have infected myself. I’m scared of losing my partner as a result because it would look like I have cheated or something and he’d leave me I also stood in someone pee on the floor in one cubicle and now feel like those shoes are spreading STDs everywhere. I’m also convinced no matter how much I wipe my phone down that it’s contaminated too. Do I need more testing to make sure I’m still clean?

Yeah I’ve told him how it made me feel, he said he never intended to stop seeing me but felt bad for her antics (she’s legitimately crazy) I just hate that my ex fucking up and his ex has affected us. I could have been so happy if I didn’t have ocd too. I hate my brain

When my ex left me with no warning it was immediately after a holiday, I reacted physically I lost ten pounds in one week, all over body hives and my lips and eyes swelled to the point I looked like a bad surgery victim

@?uwotm8? This I can relate to. From where I stand, it looks like your priority number one is to be secured in your relationship. Explain to him extensively how you feel and what is the problem, make it clear that he has to avoid this kind of statement (if that can comfort you, it would make anybody insecure...) And tell him what you need from him to be reassured. He might refuse, but it's a good thing to tell him. He might need some help with exactly the same kind of problems you deal with, too, it seems.

@?uwotm8? Priority #2 is accepting wholeheartedly you have OCD and refuse to check for STDs and do some exercises in here... And go see a shrink. You're not broken and it's not weakness to seek some help.

@Ailil He’s since said he won’t leave me and that he was sorry for it affecting me, however I spoke about these fears before and it caused mayhem because he can’t understand why I’m worried specifically about STDs What do you mean he needs help too?

@Ailil And I know I have ocd, but I don’t see this in the same way as my old checking rituals with the oven and the doors etc, it doesn’t feel like ocd because all of this began when I had actual physical symptoms

@?uwotm8? I just really feel like he’s too good for me, it’s only a matter of time before he leaves me and I’ll be devastated

Really? It seems logical to me , they say STDs are transmitted via bodily fluid so what if there’s fluid on the seat ? If my knickers touched it then surely there’s a possibility

@?uwotm8? That's the logical part. The thinking that it somehow got on your knickers in some bizarre unrealistic way is the illogical part.

Don't get tested again - Go get therapy instead.

I’ve got an appointment with an old therapist in two weeks and a gp appointment in one week. I feel fried. I really believe I’m at risk 24/7 It all started because I had symptoms and I can’t stop worrying over other ways I could because infected now which would result in him thinking I’m a cheat and he will leave

@?uwotm8? Get an appointment with an OCD specialist girl, not with somebody thats not gonna know how to treat you

@Vimli The gp appointment is for a referral and then therapist was a cbt specialist Do you really think this is ocd? It honestly feels possible that I might have come into contact with someone’s fluid I really feel irresponsible if I’m not checked again

@?uwotm8? CBT from a non-ocd specialist is likely not gonna do that much for you, but yeah you literally have an obsession and youre doing compulsions. You feel like it's real and youre scared to death and miserable. That's OCD

@Vimli He is an ocd specialist

That "what if" is literally an OCD thing. Period.

Can you tell why you are more preoccupied by your partner thinking you are a cheater than by your own health?

@Vimli How do I know that though?

@Ailil Well because what if I did have something, I didn’t know it because my tests always said negative and then he catches something and then he thinks I’m a cheater, I’m so in love with him I can’t have that happen I don’t want it to end

@?uwotm8? So you don't really fear STDs but abandonment?

@Ailil Yeah I guess that’s what it boils down to I used to be with someone for ten years and he left me suddenly with no warning. Now I’m in a loving relationship and experienced symptoms I’m petrified something will happen

You think that’s what my ocd has clung to? A few times he’s said he can’t be with me (his ex is still in his life for work reasons) and he’s been stressed by it in the past. Maybe that has contributed too

Yeah I keep going to the clinic because if I get confirmation I’m clean and he can’t get one from me then in my head I’m predicting the future I guess? Cuz if I have no std then I can’t pass one on, and if I don’t pass one on then he won’t leave me Doesn’t help that I went from being abandoned by someone with literally no reason, he cut me off entirely with no explanation, then I was with someone abusive for 5 months who didn’t get tested - just relied on my results, now my current guy is fucking lovely but has had issues with his ex stressing him out, which results in him saying in the past “it’s not fair on you I should stop seeing you” etc

@?uwotm8? That means he literally cares for you. If you don't want to hurt him - start caring for yourself too - Go to an OCD specialist

@Vimli I’m waiting for my gp appointment to get a referral to a specialist

Were pressured when now? Sorry I’m not sure what you mean