I didn’t know it was OCD untill it got BAD.

Recently, I’ve been struggling a ton with what I eat/put into my body? I’m a first year college student with a few different health issues (including IBS), and lately it’s been hard for me to find food on campus that doesn’t upset my stomach. I also have pretty severe emetophobia, and feel extremely anxious when I feel sick. The ironic thing is that being anxious makes me feel even worse, so I end up sticking myself in an impossible loophole. My OCD has taken hold of these fears over the past few months, and it’s been such a struggle. Especially since people have been getting food poisoning from various dining halls on my campus lately. My OCD has gotten so bad that sometimes I’m too afraid to eat food other than what I buy myself. I feel so trapped. I don’t want my OCD to affect my physical health or prevent me from eating, bc I love eating!! It’s the fear of getting sick that’s the problem. And it’s even harder when everything is so unfamiliar. Just wondering if anyone could relate. Advice is appreciated!

i randomly started a fear of vomit in 1st grade, i think it was because of a big chaos that happened when someone did it in my school. i’ve been scared of hearing it, smelling it, seeing it, being around it, hearing about others stories etc. i don’t know if this could be signs of ocd, neither do i know if i’m right to post here. i can’t eat in public without washing my hands / using hand sanitizer. i wash my hands, then while i wash them, i think about everything i’ve touched, which makes me wash them more. my hands are pretty dry. i can’t touch anything after washing them. not even chairs. when i sanitize them, i use around 4-5 sprays. then i spray my nails. i am the worst while travelling. i keep distance from everyone, i hold my breath while walking past people, i can’t touch anyone, and i avoid public bathrooms. i need to make sure everyone at my table sanitize their hands before they eat too. i almost never eat chicken unless my mom or my friends parents has made it, i’m extremely afraid of food poisoning, i barely eat meat (pork, beef), because i can’t trust anything. i always take a plate that looks visibly clean. it can never have dirt/stains. in buffé’s, i have to grab food from the back of the pan/plate. i dont trust random resturants with 3.6 star in reviews, i need ABOVE 4.2. i get tons of images in my head of vomit. i have nightmares. i have this thing where when i play guitar, i NEED to play the part perfect, or else i will be stuck like that unperfectly forever?? i have to do it again and again until its perfect. every day i have to tell myself «today is good. this food is safe. we are having fun. im super excited.» words like that in my head 24/7 and i even tell myself that while im singing, doing maths in my head which is weird. it takes so much space and i can’t stop. if i get images in my head, i repeat «no, no, no, im healthy», if i don’t, i might get sick. i cant even go to playgrounds, soft plays, places where many kids are. im so sorry if this was hard to read. if you are an expert, please tell me if this is something i should talk to a psychiatrist/psychologist about, and if its signs of ocd. thank you.

This has recently developed into something much bigger than it originally was. When this past winter season started, i noticed more people were getting the stomach bug than usual. I was fine at first, until I was noticing almost one person in every class was saying they recently had it. I researched about it, and I found what I was looking for unfortunately. Norovirus cases were surging across the U.S because of a new strain of NoV that recently had been spreading. This immediately altered my way of thinking. Everywhere I went, I would be overly cautious of what’s around me and whose around me. The first obsessive compulsive problem I had was that I couldn’t eat at lunch anymore unless I washed my hands. One time, I didn’t have an option to wash my hands, so I didn’t eat lunch. That’s when I knew it was interfering with my daily life, and it was becoming a serious issue. There was another time where some guy threw up near me in the hallway trash can. My mind was spiraling. all. day. long. It felt like it was consuming me alive. Not a minute would go by where I wouldn’t think about it, and the high possibility of me catching this virus. There’s been so many other scenarios where I feel myself losing it. I’m not the best of explaining in detail how my mind feels when it spirals, but the best thing I could say is that I could feel myself slowly losing my mind. It takes over my life. I HAVE to act on my compulsive acts, if not, i’ll have these obsessive thoughts until it consumes me whole. I’ve had nervous breakdowns, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, insomnia, and it almost feels like it’s causing me to have an eating disorder. Most recently, I went to use the bathroom and saw what looked like puke on the toilet seat. I was already using it, so I just finished my buisness and rushed out there asap. I figured, if I fasted for two days, what’s there to puke if I do catch NoV? So, I did. I missed school because on the second day of fasting, I became very dehydrated. I was weak, and couldn’t move. I realized what this all rooted back to. That’s when I knew I needed help.