App

(I apologize in advance for my bad punctuation and ongoing sentences, but i actually dont really care because it doesnt matter to me) Anywho, Im brand new to this app, been on it for just a few minutes now so im not really sure what im doing but i just needed to get it out that i am so extremely stressed with my life right now but its like my mind tries to convince me that im not stressed because i know everything will turn out fine in the future but then the thoughts of "what if it doesnt?" Start flooding in and all of my thoughts just start going back and forth and back and forth and im just so confused about everything that im doing everything i say or do right or wrong everything i do or say that can or maybe has affected people i just i feel like i hate myself so much after thinking all those things and working myself up over it all and then im just like, its gonna be okay tho in the end. AND THEN IT JUST STARTS ALL OVER AGAINF i cannot do this i cant continue suffering with all my thoughts just completely takinh over my mind and everything that i do. i think im so in control when i know im not. There are so many things going on in my life right now that i just feel like i have absolutely no control over, but i DO and easily have control over them, i just let myself believe that i dont, then i make it happen for some reason. I dont even know what else to say now that i just worked myself up into a sobbing spree. I am just so terrified.

I feel like it’s just me. But at night when I start to fall asleep, play on my phone, or watch TV; I’ll get major intrusive thoughts and a butt load of anxiety. Has anyone felt the same about this? How have you managed it? It’s getting exhausting and even causes me to sleep-less.

UPDATE: ive reduced my posts to once per day in hopes of trying to overcome this... but right now... i genuinely feel so horrible and anxious that i need to post... (For context, in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent a n00d to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly explicitly chatted wjth a minor... i know that this is all my fault, but still...) Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me think i unknowingly explicitly chatted with a minor online or being catfished by a man or kid... making me question every woman Ive ever been flirted with or explicitly chatted with... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor or a man" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s), or being catfished by one" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying... "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." Or that im gonna get catfished by a dude pretending to be a woman online... Im genuinely scared of the future... and this is honestly why I dont want to be famous or an influencer... Because not only do i fear someone will "expose" me for my POCD and my Real Events OCD, but im also scared about this entire situation...