Who_knows?

Date posted: 42w

Can anyone help

Long post ahead . I appreciate you if you read this . What are signs of depression? I have a fear of it , and I will say I have experienced depression before I think , with thinking things will never be the same and thoughts like I don’t even care anymore but it all started because of my suicidal ocd (I haven’t been diagnosed ) but I have bad health anxiety and death anxiety waaay before this , and then one day had an intrusive image of self harm and it was so distressing all I wanted to do was sleep the thoughts away couldn’t eat talking about it stressed me out and caused me so much anxiety so I know that was I think depression . But now because of this theme I am scared of either falling back into it or fear of getting it because I link it to said theme . I do feel sad sometimes but I feel as if it’s because of the thoughts and wanting to so badly go away ! And I will say even before this I was happy never experienced depression in my life my family does not have a history with it nor has ANYONE in my family “s” themselves . And my brain keeps telling me I’ll be the first . My brain also keeps telling me the weathers getting colder your gonna experience depression so then that makes my anxiety spike and I get a warm sensation over my body . I’ve always loved the fall and cold ALWAYS , now I’m terrified . Is depression always that bad ? Ugh 😣

Suicidal OCD

PRIV8

Date posted: 40w

Wow you sound the same like what i was going through. With everything... For the suicidal ocd I recommend you to watch Mark Dejesus video about Suicidal thoughts, on the second half of the video he talks about ocd suicidal thoughts. What i will write down will trigger others but i have the right to have an opinion and others have it too. The 2 types of depression is not true. Theres no "clinical depression". Clinical depression means you are diagnosed with depression, a doctor diagnoses you with that. Yeah they say it doesnt have a reason cause it doesnt have a clear one, but something happened in the past or the person might have health issues, alot of things can make you depressed, i learned not do long ago that even mold in your house can make you depressed... its really complex but for the doctors its easier to say "well we dont know the reason, take these pills instead cause you are clinically depressed"... no joke I even had a therapist who told me "its really complex to find the reason why some experience depression, so we just try to live in the present and work with the problems we have now" which is kinda true tho cause you dont want to be lost in the past, it can become an obsession too trying to figure out the problem, but the truth is some therapist just dont want to work on your past... its easier to label you with a "clinical disease" and make you take pills for your entire life...(I dont say stop taking pills,.dont listen to me about pills). Cause the "clinical depression" is just that... another label... This is just my opinion and my experience about this topic.

Who_knows?

Date posted: 40w

@PRIV8 I asked my therapist a while ago when I found NOCD if she thought I had ocd and she said “no because people with ocd tend to do things because they think bad things will happen and they try to prevent it “and she said “but I do think you have really bad anxiety “ but I when I went to her 5 months ago she was telling me “Well what happened in your life that made this happen “ & I tried to explain to her NOTHING HAPPENED , I love my life and was just freaking out over a heart attack , had a panic attack called the ambulance and then a few weeks later got a mental image in my head of hurting myself and then went downhill from there ! Then I found this app and relate to so much of it that I’m thinking ok maybe I do have ocd idk I hate this shit

PRIV8

Date posted: 40w

@Who_knows? What happened its not like that. Im not a therapist so you dont have to believe everything i say, but health anxiety can be developed when you are not nurtured in that topic. Maybe you had an illness when you were young and you didnt got the nurture you needed, or your loved one was ill and you were a kid and you didnt know how to process that cause well you were a kid. Or maybe non of this, you just had a parent who was afraid of illnesses and you learned that from them... thats what i had, my mom was always and still afraid of illnesses, she always protected me and with that teached me to be afraid of illnesses. Thats why i dont believe that you inherit depression or anxiety... no they just give it to you, i dont say it as those parents are bad, i just say it that this is a sobering realization. Im pretty sure if you have depression, you have it because of ocd, cause ocd is hard. Now dont freak out about it, i know how it feels. If you have ocd, that means it will jump from themes to themes, it might happened that you love your life so ocd just latched to that thing, be aware that it can jump to another theme. For that as i said i only can recommend that video a shared, that is really good and it will help you alot. And that therapist wasnt and ocd therapist and i would guess she didnt knew anything about ocd... i got told too once that i dont have ocd cause ocd is about counting and cleaning... and then i was sent to an "ocd therapist" who told me things that wasnt true... so be aware of those therapists.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 40w

@Who_knows? - DAMN i REALLY hate hearing stoires likes this. That therapist was misinformed. people with OCD do compulsions to try to relieve anxiety experienced with obsessions. I can see your OCD pattern clear as day. You are obsessed with the possibility that you might have depression, so you are compulsively seeking reassurance and researching for proof that you don't have OCD. its TEXTBOOK. Also, OCD doesn't need a life event to cause it. It often just hits out of the blue with a mental image or a thought that hits you like a ton of bricks and you sprial down. Is that therapist OCD trained and specialized? its unfortunate that standard talk therapy can actually be detrimental to OCD. i had to quite regular therapy because mine was giving into my compulsions for reassurance ALLL DAYYY and making me worse. I use a therapist on NOCD who is trained and she is FANTASTIC.

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 42w

There are generally 2 types of depression, one is the clinical type that doesn't really have much cause, it just happens, and then there is the event-dependant, where something happens the causes you to become depressed. Speaking from experience, this sounds like your OCD is causing your depression and the good news is when you treat the cause, the depression usually goes away. I was HORRIBLY depressed when my OCD was out of control. Once I started taking meds and doing OCD-specialized therapy, the depression all but went away. BUT even IF you are experiencing clinical depression, it is treated with medication and lifestyle changes and does not need to be a life-altering diagnosis.

Who_knows?

Date posted: 42w

@TexasOCD41 So you do think what I’m experiencing is depression ? 😫

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 42w

@Who_knows? - yes, as i said, it sounds like depression caused by your OCD. Treat the OCD, that depression will go away.

Who_knows?

Date posted: 42w

@TexasOCD41 Even now though I can still do my daily tasks , still enjoy going out . I thought depression was sulking in bed no motivation nothing . ? Depression is so confusing

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 42w

@Who_knows? - depression is different for everyone. you can have functioning depression, and its not black or white, its shades of grey. When I was depressed I still did things, I went to work, I was social, but I had lost of moments when I was alone that I was sad, scared, unmotivated, I didn't put as much consideration into my appearance. A lot of people hide depression, don't focus so much on if you have it or not, just focus on living your life. If you have it, it can be treated, its not a death sentence lol, but more than likely its just a symptom of your OCD that will go away on its own once your OCD is addressed.

Who_knows?

Date posted: 42w

@TexasOCD41 Your response makes me wanna cry ! I appreciate it so much !!! Hearing it’s not a death sentence makes the world of difference to me !!! ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 cause that’s what I’m scared of !

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 42w

@Who_knows? - lol no. Millions of people live very normal function lives with clinical depression and that's the more severe form, what I believe you have is just situational depression which almost everyone has at some point in time in their lives. Once the situation that is causing it is fixed ( in your case, OCD) the depression lifts on its own. its very normal.

Who_knows?

Date posted: 42w

@TexasOCD41 I haven’t been diagnosed with ocd yet either though and I’m scared to get diagnosed cause I don’t wanna be consumed with more thoughts . My old therapist (who didn’t seem educated) didn’t think I have ocd but I obviously know I have bad anxiety which can cause intrusive thoughts . She also wanted to 51/50 me and that scared the crap outta me and then asked if i was gonna be ok in a room while she printed papers out and left me alone . That made my stomach sink ! She thinks I’m “passive” 😫

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 42w

@Who_knows? - lol being diagnosed does not change anything. your intrusive thoughts wont magically increase with a diagnosis, just as not being diagnosed does not make them magically disappear. OCD IS an anxiety disorder. Your therapist sounds uninformed in OCD treatment and treatment of people in general. Also, whats wrong with being passive?

Who_knows?

Date posted: 40w

@TexasOCD41 I just don’t want the thoughts in general , I’m terrified of depression because of the thoughts I’m scared to have a relaxed day cause then my brain goes oh your depressed and then this weather change and the rain coming is freaking me out . I’ve always loved the rain and this time of year and I feel like I can’t enjoy it because of my thoughts

TexasOCD41

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 40w

@Who_knows? - You have OCD about having depression. Its basically health anxiety. MAN ocd is SO good at hiding itself isn't it? The thoughts are not the problem, its how you respond to them. I love the rain too, but if I all the sudden started associating rain with depression, of course I would be worried. You CANNOT control your thoughts, you CAN control your view on them. The power you have in your brain is INSANE! trust me, iv manifested symptoms to illnesses I didn't have all because I was anticipating having them lol. You need to reframe your view of depression. remove your fear of it, and the thoughts about having it will subside. It sound scary but it WORKS! i promise, I'm living proof. Once I stopped being afraid of the health issues I believed i had.... the very real symptoms went away.. it took about a month because retraining your brain takes time, but it works. So start reframing your view. create those positive pathways. Remeber the joy rain and sweater weather used to bring you, allow yourself to accept that depression sucks IF you had it but its ok if you did, life carries on, SHOW your brain YOU are in control.

Who_knows?

Date posted: 40w

@TexasOCD41 Thank you so so much for this !!!! This is very well put ! I appreciate your kind words !!! ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

PRIV8

Date posted: 24w

This illness brings up intrusive feelings

I was told that this illness that im having now(some say its some kind of covid) is attacking people where they are the most sensitive, so it got my mental health and at first it was the fear of my health which im starting to face but now it got deeper and i have feelings of hopelessness and like a depressed feelings and thoughts like things wont get better. And i dont know where this comes from, im afraid this is actually what i believe. Dont know if its ocd or the illness actually made these problem come up what was pushed away by me... When i have these feelings my first reaction is fear and i dont know if its something i shouldnt give attention or the fear is actually bad and it makes me avoid the problem, so i should work on this depression... I dont know whats happening but its scarry and i dont like these dark thoughts. I think i suffer more because of the fear and shame of these thoughts but again i dont know if the fear and shame shows me that i dont need to give attention to these thoughts or the fear and shame actually blocks me to deal with these thoughts and feelings...

Aldxma.steph

Date posted: 20w

Hello everyone I need some advice/insight please

I don’t have an official OCD diagnosis, but I will be asking my doctor tomorrow if I can get referred to a psychiatrist to get an official diagnosis. The way I came to the conclusion that what I’m dealing with is OCD is because a month and a half ago I just started having the most horrible disturbing intrusive thoughts that go against all my values and beliefs and attacking the stuff/people I care about the most out of absolutely NOWHERE. Mind you, I have never had anything like this happen in my life. I feel that I have always been someone with a peaceful mind and one of the worst intrusive thoughts I can ever remember having before this happened, was “what happens if I cut my finger right now” while I was cutting fruit. That’s pretty much it. After this whole horrible intrusive thought spiral started happening I was so scared because I have never had such awful intrusive thoughts like this that were the complete opposite of me, it just quite literally started out of NOWHERE, and that’s what was so scary and terrifying. It was like my whole life got turned upside down because of this and I’ve been mainly isolating in my room, feeling so much anxiety and dread and guilt/shame. I get four of the same thoughts and one intrusive image repeating over and over again even if I would not try to think about them, and it caused me so much distress and anxiety that I would be so anxious and cry everyday just thinking how I could ever possibly think such horrible intrusive thoughts like that. It’s caused me insomnia which I’ve never dealt with before and I went three days in a row without being able to sleep no matter how hard I tried (even while taking melatonin). Other days I struggle so much to fall asleep due to the intrusive thoughts being much more present at nighttime, and even when taking melatonin that doesn’t do anything because of my mind being so active and having so much anxiety. Is this what they call an OCD flare up? After constantly looking up all the symptoms of ocd (the more and lesser known ones alike), I noticed there were some symptoms of it that I displayed in childhood when the ocd could’ve been more dormant or mild you could say (skin picking), because once again I have never had such horrible intrusive thoughts like this out of nowhere and constantly repeating in my mind that felt like they were out of my control. I noticed that these intrusive thoughts started on the second day of my menstruation when I was in a lot of pain and was feeling very emotional/stressed. One of the things I’ve heard a lot is that during the menstruation cycle is when ocd flares can happen more often due to the increase in hormones during that time, and I wonder if that’s what happened to me? I’m also overall such a big over thinker and have been for as long as I can remember. I also have had anxiety and depression since middle school as well. Any insight would be very much appreciated 😭

PRIV8

Date posted: 17w

Are you afraid to tell yourself you're depressed?

I'm really afraid to say that and the reason might be because of how depression is described to us. And at this point I dont know what is depression. I don't think feeling down is depression. Or sometimes feeling like things doesnt go as you want and you dont know what to do. Maybe it is, I can't tell it cause if i say im depressed in these situations it makes the situation worse, I feel like I put more weight on me. I know its common for depressed people to be ashamed that they are depressed and that might be my case too but as I said, many times I feel like I shouldnt call it depression, just feeling low or things has been stressful and it made me mentaly tired. I imagine depression as a different thing, i believe i was depressed before,because of ocd and i wasnt able to deal with my emotions, and sometimes I spin about that too cause again depression is presented differently in social media and by therapists too. So everytime i feel down i spin about if im depressed, afraid of depression cause I see it as a really bad thing.

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