So I did something really stupid, I haven’t had a severe OCD episode in a few years. But in the weekend I tried Coke. I was an idiot for doing it, and I thought it was just the come down but it’s been 4 days and my OCD has come back, some of the worst it has ever been. I’m so angry at myself and also so terrified that I’ve screwed up permanently.
Hi. I know how you feel when it comes to doing something you beat yourself up over time and time again. I'm not sure what the come down means but I'm sure you had an initial reason as to why you tried coke, even if it were harmful. I had this happen to me with an addiction I have. I still kind of beat myself up over it
@BigGyro09 Sorry! Come down means like the natural bad feeling the following couple of days afterwards. And yeah, it wasn’t a smart reason to try it, and I know for a fact im never touching it again, but I guess what’s done is done and it’s time to move forward and help myself
@panda.philpott You mean like coming down from a high? If so, I get it. Do you have a history with drugs? If so, it's completely understandable that you felt tempted to try coke. I'm guessing that was the first time you've done so? We're in similar crossroads with that.
@BigGyro09 Yeah from a high! And I have a somewhat history, I’ve tried a lot of things but fortunately never been addicted. And yeah it was my first time (and last) trying coke
@panda.philpott Maybe you just have a history with trying a variety of drugs. I'm very glad you haven't been addicted to any of them. Maybe you just thought coke would give you a unique type of high other drugs haven't. Seriously, be easy on yourself.
I have been in the same position myself recently. Consuming any kind of drugs and/or alcohol will have a negative affect on your OCD for some time after, I find that the length of time can vary. My advice would be to not beat yourself up about it, try to sit with the uncomfortable feelings as long as you can and after some time it will pass. As you have said above, what’s done is done and all you can do now is learn from it. You now know that drugs trigger your OCD, so you know that they are something you might want to avoid in the future. What really helped me through was reminding myself that if someone else was going through what I was or felt how I felt in that moment, then I would be compassionate with them. So just try to give yourself the same compassion that you would give to someone else experiencing what you are right now.
@hm’ Well, regarding alcohol, for me there is a difference between drinking one alcoholic beverage and getting drunk.
@hm’ Thank you, it really helps to hear from someone who has been through similar, that it’s not forever. Here’s hoping it starts improving soon..
@panda.philpott It definitely won’t last forever, you’ve got this!
My OCD is awful when it comes to intrusive thoughts, and I also have BPD. I’ve never acted on the intrusions in harmful ways before—I’ve always found ways to manage them that are healthy and safe. But I got quite drunk during a psychiatric episode (I wasn’t fully aware I was in one at the time), and I acted on an intrusive thought in a way that wasn’t healthy or very safe. That’s the best way I can put it. I’m so ashamed and overwhelmed with guilt. I didn’t physically harm anyone or anything, but what I did was enough that it’s been eating me alive and has severely heightened my mental state. I’ve tried using my usual coping skills, I reached out to 988 and other crisis lines, I even texted AI chats. But I’m too scared to tell my regular therapist or psychiatrist. I’m currently on a leave of absence from work because I was already in a crisis state, and now I just don’t know what to do. I tried looking for articles or videos from people who’ve acted on intrusive thoughts, but everything says things like “people with OCD never act on them” or “intrusive thoughts are harmless,” and while those can be reassuring in general, I did act on one. Not being able to find any resources or support for this makes me feel even worse. That’s a big reason why I downloaded this app.
since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.
I used to have religious OCD. Still kinda do. Accidentally thought something bad about God once, panicked thought something bad about the Holy Spirit. Fell into doom. This was recently after recomitting myself to Christ. Since then I pretty much gave up. Unfortunately, it also led to me compromising my morals many times because I figured I was going to hell anyway. I wish I knew what OCD was then. I think it would have saved me a lot of pain. I no longer have a relationship with God, and fear I never will again.
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