OCD GUILT - help, I am awful

@TexasOCD41 You just reassured them, that makes ocd worse…it’s literally against the rules

@Anonymous - Its not reassurance if its a fact. Animal abuse is a deliberate, premeditated act where you purposefully set out to cause harm and pain to an animal. I am pointing out first, that she is not one. and second I am encouraging her to let it go and move forward and not dwell.

@TexasOCD41 Thank you SO MUCH for this. I’ve heard of Real Event OCD, yet never went as far as looking into what it actually was. My OCD usually revolves around somatic stuff, like can’t stop focusing on blinking, etc. And I get what you mean about the frustration you feel when half-asleep and you tend to do things you wouldn’t do when you’re just chillin’ and watching TV or something. Sleepy state can be an entirely different mood, and sometimes you’re a little surprised by yourself. I have “scooted” a very determined cat wanting to go out the window in the middle of the night, only to apologize to her the next day. 😂 So I understand and can relate to every word you’ve said here. Thanks again. ❤️

@Anonymous She actually gave me the type of OCD this is, because I have an entire family here telling me to “just drop it already” and they can’t understand why I can’t. Because OCD won’t let you. I’ve only known one main form of OCD that usually gets me, and it’s somatic. I don’t think she broke any rules, and I wasn’t looking for reassurance anyway. Was trying to figure out what the heck this is, and she helped me with that. You both did. So thank you!

@SomaticSun🌤️ - It’s great that you reached out to the community—you're not alone in this. It’s actually pretty common for OCD to shift themes or develop new ones over time, and that can definitely feel unsettling. If you haven’t already, it might be helpful to reach out to the NOCD care team at care@nocdhelp.com to set up a consultation. They’re incredibly helpful when it comes to getting connected with the right therapist. You’re doing the right thing by seeking support—keep going!

@Anonymous Nooo he is 16 years old (but still very active and frisky) and I kept and raised his entire family, including the mama cat. Mama kitty and his 2 sisters have passed on, I only have him and his brother now. We are all kinda sad and miserable because it feels strange without having the whole family together as one unit. Just me, him, and his brother now.

@SomaticSun🌤️ Awe maybe he’s grieving? Your response may or may not make you an animal abuser. I will say though people do worse things to animals and other human beings. No one is perfect duhhh (wish I could take my own advice)

@Anonymous - I whole heartedly disagree with this. She is in no way an animal abuser for pushing her cat away from her after it bit her hand. Thats a normal owner/cat interaction, zero abuse about it.

@Anonymous That’s the thing, I would like to think I do everything 100% perfect when it comes to this family of cats, because we are/were all one big happy family together. I guess you could compare what happened to like if you were painting something on the floor and your cat walks across it so you quickly grab him, maybe even kinda rough to get him off the paint and it won’t get stuck on their paws. That’s how fast my reaction was. It wasn’t like “premeditated” where I sat there for awhile and thought you know what? I’m gonna punish him for this. It all happened in one quick string of events. It wasn’t to hurt him, I know that for sure. Especially because I know I didn’t hurt him. It was more like my only way to show him that I don’t want him to be so aggressive and keep getting his own claws stuck in my skin. Not only because it hurts like a motherf’er, but because he could actually lose a claw because he wouldn’t even let me help him. It just happened so fast and I wish I could go back and only give him a little scolding or something, but my mood, too, was also “off.” We were both angry weirdos at the same time, and I think you’re right. We’re probably angry and grieving, and we took it out on each other. But believe me when I tell you I didn’t physically hurt him. I would hurt myself before I’d ever hurt him. I worship him, his whole family. Now I just have to believe it myself. My mind secretly loves that this happened, because now it’s hard to enjoy being around him. Thank you Anonymous

@Anonymous - There is a difference between providing reassurance and stating facts. You phrased your response in a way that made it sound like depending on how she responded, she may or may not be an abuser. Yes "may or may not" IS the ERP statement but you can't just throw it at someone with out setting it up in the ERP context first. I was making it a point to state factually, she is not an animal abuser.

@SomaticSun🌤️ - You're kinda over explaining this whole sitation here, which is a sneak compulsion. I understand you feel like you need to explain the whole thing in every possible detail so that we the readers can see where you want to get clear assurance you did not intentionally harm him. I have stated in one post that you are not an abuser, that's not reassurance, that's fact. BUT that fact only needs to be spoken and verified onces. Its not up to you to either accept it and move forward, or continue to dwell on your feelings and guilt. Should you chose to dwell on this, then you will just have to choose to expose yourself to the " maybe I hurt him, maybe I didn't, it doesn't matter now, I just have to move forward and not do it again." I hope you are able to use the fact as evidence enough to move forward but at the end of the day, its OCD, shame and guilt are the biggest parts of OCD. Don't let them trick you into thinking you are something you're not.

@TexasOCD41 Consider it DONE. I wasn’t sure if guilt had much to do with OCD, my mind just usually focuses on automatic bodily processes like breathing. A different form of it is a bit different for me, I guess that’s why I came on here. I wasn’t sure if this was OCD or what. I thank you again. Moving on with my life, no more dwelling.

@SomaticSun🌤️ - I understand. OCD has MANY forms. i have had somatic OCD recently and I didn't even know it was a thing until I looked it up. ITs wild how many things can be OCD, basically anything can be with the right context lol. But now you know, its just stupid lame lying OCD, you can move on now. go hug that spicy little furr baby and enjoy your day!

@TexasOCD41 I will! I haven’t been allowing myself to enjoy being around him. Like I don’t deserve to have him anymore, just a dark cloud would roll in and block all my love for him. I appreciate your help so much. Have a great day too. ☀️