had a bad ocd spike last night

@BigGyro09 Yeah, I’m an adult taking a break from uni and just trying to find other adults with ocd to figure out how to manage my coping skills because I am so lost and anxious about this. My nightmare was extremely intense because I couldn’t stop worrying about a past event that triggered me so it took me a couple of hours to sleep since I also struggle with insomnia.

@anxious artist Wow, you sounds like we're looking for almost the same thing. I'm also looking to talk to other adults on here that understand OCD and just have tips on wanting to stop the intrusive thoughts. I'm always worrying about past events which keeps me in a bad loop of negative thinking. OCD also made me not want to do college either.

@anxious artist I also get you on the insomnia thing. I HATE not being able to sleep and I'm usually not comfortable when sleeping all that much either. Do you have a therapist? If not I hope you can find one soon. I always see that erp is the answer but I don't even know where to begin with doing that step by step

@BigGyro09 I don’t have a nocd specialist anymore because they don’t accept my insurance and I can’t afford to spend over $200 per session unfortunately. ERP works but it can get overwhelming because your essentially exposing yourself to the same fear over and over again. I heard doing it by yourself isn’t ideal either because too many exposures can be triggering for one person to handle. The only thing that keeps me stuck in the OCD loop is the past, I could be having a good day until an intrusive memory pops up and interferes with my peace to the point of distress. It’s hard to break out of it.

@BigGyro09 Same, I struggle to sleep for literal hours because my heart is beating so fast from the fear due to trying to figure out if a past event was true or not. I couldn’t sleep for 3 whole days once and had to go to the doc for them to prescribe me Ambien that could help with my current sleeping habits.

@anxious artist We have the same area of worry pretty much. I'm always stuck in the past because of things that I did wrong then. It bothers me all the time everyday and it brings me down a lot. Yeah, unfortunately NOCD can be really expensive. It sucks.. Have you told your parents about OCD by any chance? Perhaps they can help you. I hope they understand where you're coming from with it all when you decide to tell them. I'm not sure but it was horrible. Another thing with ERP is I don't really know what to tell myself that will trigger that fear and anxiety the right way if that makes sense. It would just help a lot more if someone else did it. But sharing the thoughts in of itself can be a problem and very embarrassing. Oh God, 3 days with no sleep? That's awful.. I remember not getting the sleep I need for 1 or 2 days. Has your sleeping prescription help you with your sleep overall?

@BigGyro09 I did tell my mom about my ocd but it flared up more after my father passed away two years ago. My brother tells me the same bullshit “You don’t need help, you don’t need therapy, everyone goes through the same thing etc.” so it feels like I am talking to a brick wall at this point. The only person that understood what I was going through was my NOCD specialist and after terminating my sessions with them, I felt more confined and alone. The truth is, I don’t really advise telling people with no experience or knowledge about intrusive thoughts because they don’t have the training nor enough sufficient information to understand it. Yeah I’ve gotten through long periods of time without sleep because I kept worrying about it and other things. It’s really hard to figure out the past because memories can be jumbled up into something completely different than what you’ve experienced.

@BigGyro09 You don't necessarily have to trigger yourself in order to do ERP, you can practice response prevention with intrusions that pop up in your head anyway. Also, what worked for me, is starting with intrusions, that "only" caused an anxiety at the level 1 out of 10. Then slowly working your way up.

@anxious artist I'm really sorry to hear about your dad's passing. That's really heavy.. how well does your mom understand OCD? Is she accepting of it all? Sorry to hear that your brother isn't. OCD is definitely not something everyone goes through on a daily basis. I agree with you on not telling just about everyone the full details on your intrusive thoughts because not everyone will understand, and that's okay. It's just important that your mother does I think. And yes, I get it with how the past feels so jumbled up. I totally get that. It's like you can't remember everything clearly and the key moments that trigger the most anxiety are next to impossible to forget. I really hope you and your mother can work together in finding a therapist. I hope things can get better starting from there.

@Zoë_84 Thank you. I have heard that sorting out an erp hierarchy can help. It's just that, my biggest compulsions revolve around ruminating and that feels impossible to stop. I forgot that it's even a compulsion most times.

@BigGyro09 Yes, ruminating is hard to stop. Have you tried to postpone ruminating?

@Zoë_84 No I haven't. I should try it though. To tell myself that I'll worry about it later. What if that doesn't help in some cases though?

@BigGyro09 - My mom is supportive, but doesn't understand the severity of it. When I was hospitalized for OCD, they misdiagnosed me with psychosis, so not even most professionals know what it is about. I just want to be normal. To be alive. To not have another day plagued by my obessions and fears. I want to escape, but I just keep getting caught in the spider's web. That's why I go on here trying to find other people going through the same thing so it doesn't feel like I am the only one feeling stuck and confused.

@BigGyro09 I tried it, as I felt bad doing any kind of compulsions during working hours, I told OCD "Not now! The company is not paying me for that!" And it did work most of the time. At work my OCD was much calmer, than in my free time. Also, most of the time, I didn't do the compulsion I postponed later, as the urge to do them had dissolved. @It not working: I think it's worth a try, or do you worry, that it might make your OCD worse? If you want to try it, maybe make little steps. Postpone doing a compulsion, e.g. starting to ruminate, by 5 minutes - I'd use a timer - and check, if you still feel the overwhelming urge to do the compulsion.

@Zoë_84 Maybe I can just tell myself that I'll think about it later on out loud if no one else will hear me. I just worry that it won't work and I'll still be thinking of the same things.

@anxious artist I'm very glad your mother is supportive. Just tell her that it's important that you find a therapist that specializes in OCD so you can avoid things like misdiagnosis. Sorry they didn't give you the right course of treatment. I know exactly how you feel about OCD. It's the worst. This just sucks to deal with. You're definitely not alone on this. Not at all. This app is a great reminder of that. I think it also helps to just remind yourself of positive things about you that can help you calm your mind. I try to do this with self esteem and while it's still really hard, I still try.

@BigGyro09 In case people are around, just think it. ;) Most of my ERP I do in my head only and it works.

@Zoë_84 Yeah I can do it both ways. Do you do anything else to delay compulsions that are helpful?

@BigGyro09 I don't delay compulsions anymore, as my urge to ruminate is very low for years now and, when I catch myself starting to ruminate, I stop it immediately. Regarding other forms of compulsions, I try to use "Maybe." as an answer to any obsession and it works pretty well most of the time. I still struggle with that approach, when it comes to my sex-themed OCD subtypes, especially when triggers are around, i.e. children, animals, etc. In those situations, I often avoid getting too close to people, which I know is a compulsion. Me getting in the vicinity of triggers is a big step for me, so I give myself time to work on that.