*TMI**TMI**TMI**EXPLICIT* My boyfriend and I were having sex and I was enjoying it focusing on him. All of a sudden started thinking "what if I'm only enjoying it because somehow in my unconscious mind I'm thinking of a girl and I'm not aware of it" like an app running in the background of a phone. Then it turned into "well if that's the case I'm emotionally cheating on him without even being aware of it." I want to die. I want to enjoy my boyfriend again. He's my bestfriend and the love of my life and will always be even if I have to deal with this or if I'm actually a lesbian. I would absolutely love if hocd and rocd would f*ck off. I started experiencing tocd intrusive thoughts today which was intense and scary. I really hope it's something that's temporary that won't stick around.

Thank you! I'm trying to get something figured out financially so I can see an OCD specialist. I have a therapist right now who isn't super familiar with pure obsessional OCD and OCD in general. If I had known that all of this would have happened I wouldn't gotten into a relationship, but I'm in a longterm committed relationship and I've made the decision to stick with it through recovery (if that's possible for me). Today was really hard, but most of the time hanging out with my boyfriend is a great stress relief. Most of my rocd thoughts are when I'm at home and ruminating.

@hateocd123 I’m in school and I’m gald I know I have ocd now than later, I’m gald you’ll get an ocd therapist soon, you’ll be so happy I the long run. And yeah, I’m not ready for an relationship till u get my shit figure out. I’m still young and still growing. Even at school I’m fighting ocd, but I try to be happy, I hope anyone who has ocd finds real happiness. People with ocd are the strongest cause they struggle the most. People who aren’t struggling aren’t growing

@GummyDrop I meant till I get my shit figure out, sorry there’s typo

@GummyDrop That's a great mindset! I agree

@GummyDrop No problem, I didn't even notice the typo. :)

@hateocd123 I have hocd and I’m sorry to tell you this but I kinda regret looking at your story cause you said “ what if I’m only enjoying it because someone in my unconscious mind I’m think of a girl and I’m not aware “ it’s kinda triggering me, I just hope I don’t let’s this worry me. Sorry to say this

@GummyDrop I'm sorry