HopeM365

Date posted: 44w

Suicidal OCD

Any tips on managing suicidal OCD? I think my compulsion is to call 988 when I feel anxious that I might do something, but I’ve never attempted before. I’m happy I’ve never attempted, but I’ve been struggling with this theme for 6 years- it gets exhausting. I also have depression and possibly BPD so trying to decipher whether it’s Suicidal OCD or suicidal ideation is weird. I think when I feel anxious & want to call 988, it’s suicidal OCD but when I feel like I don’t care about anything, shut down, get angry, & don’t want to call 988 is probably when I need to. Weird, huh?

Suicidal OCD

Who_knows?

Date posted: 44w

6 years is a long time , so sorry your going through that . It’s currently my theme since may , it’s not fun ! And I’m terrified of depression so when I feel like being lazy and not wanting to do anything or feel tired my brains goes straight to am i depressed then it’s a downhill battle 🫠🫠🫠🫠

HopeM365

Date posted: 44w

@Who_knows? Right?! I usually have to tell myself after my intrusive thoughts “no I don’t” or “just kidding” which also might be a compulsion. 🥸

Who_knows?

Date posted: 44w

@HopeM365 My compulsions are coming in here and reading others stories to make sure they are like mine then I feel fine then about 2 mins later back to the same cycle 🫠🫠🫠

HopeM365

Date posted: 44w

@Who_knows? Sounds like the uncertainty of worrying whether it’s depression or OCD. And learning to live with that uncertainty is where strength comes. Preaching to myself here too! I think for me, my battle is knowing when I’m feeling heightened emotions that it won’t last that long is the answer to my battle

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 44w

@Who_knows? I have the same compulsion because it feel so real and im scare , my Suicidal ocd came back after I stopped my medication .

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 44w

@Anonymous I had other themes but this one it's been the hardest for me to deal ,

[Deleted]

Date posted: 44w

Comment deleted by user

HopeM365

Date posted: 44w

@babyoda Yeah, I’ve been to the hospital twice and called the hotlines probably hundreds of times. I even had a goal in therapy to stop having suicidal ideation. Guess how that worked out lol 😂

HopeM365

Date posted: 44w

@HopeM365 Suicide is not something to joke about, but when it comes to Suicidal OCD treating it like a big bully is one of the best things you can do

Lolo220

Date posted: 44w

I think deciphering between suicidal ideation and suicidal ocd is really hard

Lolo220

Date posted: 44w

What does it look like for you?

HopeM365

Date posted: 44w

@Lolo220 It’s feeling guilty, shame, anger, or fear and then wishing I could end it. If I dwell on it and it starts to grow, I worry that I’m actually going to do something so I call 988 because I know it’s not healthy to struggle with those thoughts alone. The hotline can usually calm me back down until I can eventually go to sleep. Next morning, I’m usually back to normal and can avoid thinking “I want to die” anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. But the thoughts occur everyday, multiple times a day. It’s kind of like depression and OCD arm wrestling each other. Depression brings on the thought, OCD latches onto it, they fight back and forth all day, but I try my best to break off the fight 💪🏻

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 16w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

tayloraniston

Date posted: 14w

Suicidal ocd

I’m not suicidal by any means, I had a thought one time when I was going through some stuff and ever since then I wake up every morning and think about it all day I have thoughts like “did I mean that?” “Did I want that?” “Am I gonna think this all day” “would I really do that” and literally it’s to the point it’s driving me nutssss please tell me I’m not alone and please tell me how you got through this, I started antidepressants about 6 days ago it’s called Effexor for the mean time I need some advice

Sarah12

Date posted: 14w

suicidal/ mental health ocd

Hi guys i hope someone will help me with this one. I have fears around suicide/mental health/ depression. From the moment i wake up to a moment iam going to sleep i have these crazy thoughts in my head: what if i will be so sad that i will commit? what if my life has no meaning so i will commit? Also i have this mixed with existential/depressed thoughts like: life has no meaning, why iam doing this it has no meaning. So i cant enjoy litterally anything anymore. I have great day and my mind always trying ti convice me that iam suicidal and nothing is going to be the same. My mind has own patterns and i feel like i cant break it down and i know iam not like this. Also words like: mental health, suicide, mentall illness, sadness trigger me so much. Can someone help me? also i have googling compulsion, i spend 24/7 on this app, watching youtube content.

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