Don't know what's real or fake

Like is this part of ocd because there's no way like it feels to real

But I still do compulsions were like sometimes I have to touch something to do something or my mind will be like if you don't do this your this your a bad person so I do it so maybe it's ocd

I know this is alot to take in I'm sorry it's just I'm scared even though I don't feel anything I'm really scared. I know this might be ressurace seeking but honestly I just need someone to tell me if I'm gonna be ok and this will go away because I want to feel like me again I want my normal brain back. But I hope you don't get bothered be texting to much it's just I don't know what to do. I hope you understand

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 You are going to be ok 💕

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Hey. Try to take it easy. You're going through a lot of anxiety and stress that isn't your fault. It's all the OCD. I know exactly how it feels to be bombarded with POCD thoughts. They aren't pleasant at all. Deep down somewhere you know that you're just an adult woman that is attracted to other adult men. That's who you are. The ego-dystonic (which is nothing to do with who you are and anything that is against your morals) is where the OCD comes in, and that's what it fuels. The way I like to think about it is there's a logical and illogical side to it. Logically, you know that acting on attractions to underaged people or even the thought of it is wrong. Illogically though, your mind sends all of these false warnings, stress, anxiety, and alerts to remind you of these thoughts. The unfortunate part is that OCD minds just can't shake off these bothersome, unwanted thoughts as easily as those without it. Please know that you aren't alone and this community is here for you. Do you have a therapist to help you? I know reassurance isn't the best course of action for OCD but you will be okay. On the other hand, we all have to do the hard part of beating the challenging thoughts: ERP. It's a hard journey to get through but it isn't impossible.

@BigGyro09 No I'm still looking for a psychiatrist it's just I'm afraid to talk to the psychiatrist about this it's too much for me this is a very sensitive topic I've been keeping in suffering with for years haven't even told my therapist about it its that bad. But I know they will do there best to understand.

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 They have heard it all!!!

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Make sure you specifically look for a therapist that specializes in OCD. That way there will be no room for confusion. You won't be judged regardless though. It is a therapist's job to be there for you and be as understanding as possible. I do hope you find a therapist someday. There's nothing wrong with you for having these thoughts.

@BigGyro09 Do you think I need medication for this I'm really against it because I've heard that it causes bad side effects for some people I just don't like how some people push meds on others

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Don't force yourself to take medication if you're not sure. Just take things slow with your treatment with your future therapist. Focus on getting comfortable with your therapist and trying to work with ERP.

@BigGyro09 Ok thank you

It's like my mind is like you shouldn't have done that why did you do that u must wanted to do that this is who you are now your a bad person but like I know I didn't want to do it that's the thing but it's like I was getting so much anxiety about this now infeel numb I sleep all day I feel tired like the anxiety is still there but it's not a whole lot epecially when around younger people it's like my mindvhas accepted this which is terrifying.... I'm afraid it might get worse

It's the OCD playing tricks on you!! Sorry this is what it does

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 You aren't a bad person... it sucks...I know

@Speckles Like I know this might be reassurance seeking and I'm sorry but this has been killing me. I just like to know that people are going through the same things you know

I feel little bit better but it's still there

Like it will go away for a little while like a second and I'll feel completely normal then i go back to being depressed.....

Can I ask how long can ocd make you feel like this because I've experienced really bad days were I feel horrible and scared but nothing like this I usually will be like ok yeah that's not true and move along but this time idk

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 It can feel very real and take a lot of time up

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 I've felt horrible for months and finally I'm getting some relief

Thanks it's ok I know some people will just like the post and not actually say anything that's fine I know some people have their own issues and their own struggles and not everyone feels like talking about it so I get it.

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 You're going to be okay. It's OCD. Even though it sounds real, it isn't, just like watching a horror movie seems real but isn't. You should just be aware of that. Work on your OCD, and your life will change. Any bad days you have will end, just like any storm eventually ends, no matter how hard it is.

@Amara I hope so.

@Amara And thanks

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 You're welcome. 🙂 Just believe and be patient while working on your OCD. Practice mindfulness meditation and read books; they help a lot.

@Amara @Amara I usually draw or listen to music or play video games or watch movies it helps distract from my thoughts but thanks for the advice

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Anytime 🙂 I wish you the best recovery soon

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Are you ok?

@Speckles Yes.. alittle

@Speckles I feel alittle better thanks for asking.

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 It takes time unfortunately. I had it for years. I mean like 30

Or no if there's not that's fine but something is bothering me so I want to talk to you there's a girl on here but she's 16 and I feel really bad and because I see her posts on here alot and idk what to say I looked at her page and she's too young for me to talk to her and epecially with my pocd is acting up I'm scared because I want to say something to her so she doesn't stress out but I'm scared and I don't wanna feel like I'm being like a p word or talking to minors its weird asf but I think I followed her a while back before I knew her age I can't remember but yeah...... i just want to be supportive but like my brain is like stop being weird creepy when I'm litterly not doing that like she's going through the same thing I am and i can relate even though she's way younger than me and all I want to do is be supportive of people on here but it's like and i already dont want to interact with anyone thats young its scary to me and everytime i say something like it will be ok your gonna be ok you'll get through this my mind is like your weird your creepy I freaking hate it.

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 No... you aren't creepy!! Give her some support! Don't let this stupid ocd interfere

@Speckles Hey can you talk or no

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Yes... what's up? How are you?

@Speckles I'm not doing ok

@Speckles I think I need brain surgery or something to make me feel back to normal because there's no way I have ocd

@Speckles I've been feeling such tightness in my chest and anxiety idk if it even is anxiety it feels like tingly like idk how to explain it everytime when I wake up I feel like a p word and it's like my brain in my head is like your a p word your a p word and I don't know whatbto do anymore I though this would pass but it's not I don't even feel anxiety anymore just numbness I only feel it in my chest I don't get anxious when I'm around kids but I feel scared because I feel as if I'm attracted to them and I know I'm not but I get this tingly feeling my heart starts to race this litterly happens everytime I don't know what to do I don't want to be a monster I don't I want to feel like me again I wasn't even feeling this way last month I was normal but it's all over a stupid compulsion I did and now my brain is like why did you do that why did you give in did you like that why did you keep looking at that you must have felt like you like that did you and now I'm wondering if I did but I didnt I know I didn't because I litterly didn't even want to give into the compulsion

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Tell me what's going on. I hear what you are saying I thought I needed surgery too!

@Speckles I can't can I just tell you what the compulsion was I just need to get this off my chest.

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Yes... of course. I don't judge anything

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 This is exactly what the ocd wanted to do and then it wins. First, you are not a monster or a terrible person. This is all your ocd talking. You almost have to look at it like a separate entity. It's not your values or morals is the damn ocd. Don't let it make you feel otherwise. You are a decent, good person. It's messing with your brain. My therapist told me straight out you aren't a P It's all your ocd. She said I know you can't see that now, but you will and I have. Once you start to look at it that way it gets easier. I feel so bad that you are suffering so when there is no need to put yourself thru this. Trust me you will win over this. I hope my words can give you a little relief. ♥

@Speckles And now my brain is like why did you give into it you must have liked that why didn't you ignore it why did you look I keep saying to myself I didn't want to do it I just felt the need to because my ocd is always like you need to do something if you don't do it something bad will happen to you so I just did it and now I can't move on from this because what if I did like it what if I wanted to do which I know i didnt but now my brain has accepted this shit and is like your a p word you looked this must mean you like younger people you can't like men you littelry looked which I don't I've always been attracted to men I just don't know why i gave into this how am I supposed to move on from this I can't this is probably one of the worst compulsions I've ever done i dont want this to be who I am I've been dwelling in this for weeks and now I can't move on from it like my brain is changing I feel like ive accepted this and now everytime I see a guy my age I feel numb like wtf... and I get really bad anxiety when I see younger people and it's not even anxious it's also a numb feeling but my heart starts racing I feel nauses even I have knots in my stomach I feel lightheaded like and all I feel like doing is sleeping I haven't even been eating properly because of this now I get intrusive thoughts in my mind I can't get a break I don't know if this even is ocd anymore because when I didnthat compulsion I just was like I think I might end it because there's no way how can I move on from this like how..... I never Even wanted to do this like I wanna make it clear to you all that i didnt want to give into this and I don't know why i did it I just don't know what to do..

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 I think medication would help. Don't mean to be pill pushing, but sometimes it helps. You aren't on any now or are you?

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 I felt the same way you did and I'm telling you this med really helped me. It saved my life!!

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 The meds along with therapy really helped me get to a good place. I think it's a combination of both

@Speckles I don't think I can recover from this I'm really sorry... and I don't think medication is good for me because my mom doesn't want me to take it....she's says they have bad side effects on the brain

@Speckles I feel horrible about this now I feel like I should end myself because why would I even do such a thing I never would want to even do that why did I even give into that like I don't even think that was ocd but I did feel scared and anxiety afterwards and disgust like why did I do that....that's not who I am. I didn't want to post about this because I know this is not easy for me to talk about but I just felt the need to let you know what really is going on with me I've still being doing compulsions were I have to touch something and think about something the right way if I don't I have to do it again like my mind will be like your a p word your a p word u didn't do this right why are you ignoring this compulsion like I can't win either way with this isnso stressing like sometimes I'll just be like in my mind no I'm not leave me the hell alone and it works and sometimes it doesn't I have to tell myself you don't have to do this right away you can do it tommarow but like sometimes I can't I have to keep doing the compulsion in the way I need to do it and sometimes I'll wait the next day to do it but it gives me anxiety like am I making sense I don't know if I'm explaining this right I'm not trying to make excuses but this what is going on with me.

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 You can recover. Medication is really good for some things. You need to discuss this mom with your mom. I'm 56, so probably older than your mom. I've been around the block. I'm not trying to push you but it really became a game changer for me. I hate to see you suffer so!! If meds can help then why not. They give meds to people with diabetes... well insulin. I'm on meds for high blood pressure. Do you think to could have a talk with your mom about this?

@Speckles I don't know she knows about my ocd but not this type of ocd

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Just please believe me that you are a good person and you don't need to suffer this way! Do you have a therapist?

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 You don't even have to tell her the type. Just that you need to talk to a psychiatrist. They can prescribe you the meds that could change everything around you. You whole life can be the way it use to be!

@Speckles And how am I supposed to feel like myself again I'm just dwelling on this will this even past will this guilt pass will I feel normal again. I feel like I'm changing into a monster like honestly

@Speckles No i dont I was discharged because I felt like it wasn't working for me it only made my ocd worse

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 I also struggle with self harm ocd and death ocd

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 And health ocd

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Yes... it will pass. Please talk to your mom about a psychiatrist. You will feel normal again! I know it's so hard to see past this, but you will win this. Trust me. Talk to your mom. I think you'll really benefit from meds. You can have a whole new lease on life! And remember get rest. Sleep is good for you. If I don't get enuff I get really miserable. Just hold tight. You'll make it thru this!

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Wait... what wasn't working for you?

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 I was getting urges were I felt like I needed to hurt myself like really bad urges like I just felt like I needed to do it to release some type of anxiety I just don't understand why I feel the need to do these things like harm myself look at things I don't want to look at touch objects turn the lights off and on brush my teeth over and over again or wash my hands and think about something I need to think about. It's exhausting.

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 What about a therapist? Are you seeing one?

@Speckles The things the therapist was teaching me like her methods like she was just giving me tools on how to handle my ocd and stress anxiety and i just felt like they weren't working for Me. So now I am looking for a psychiatrist I'm still looking but I just want to make sure it's a good one that doesn't judge me andvthat they know how stressful ocd is and also I'm just scared to open up that's really it.

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Don't be afraid to open up. They have heard it all believe me. There is nothing you can say that'll shock them, so no worries there.

@Speckles The therapist I mean she discharged me because I felt it wasn't working for me like her tools and methods so now I am looking for a psychiatrist that's is what I meant to say

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Believe me I had some really horrible images that I'm ashamed of. But my therapist didn't judge. I mean they were disgusting and awful

@Speckles But the thing is is that I've been having these thoughts for over a week now even when I don't think about it they still pop up when I daydream about something like being romantic with a guy they've still pop up and it's scaring me I know I'm repeating myself but that's not normal at all and the urges to I don't think that's even ocd because when I'm thinking about a man my age my mind will go to a younger person and I'm really scared like please be honest with Me can people change into horrible people

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 No. You aren't changing into a horrible person. This is the trick ocd will do to your brain. It will try to convince you of things you are not. Can you do anything that will get your mind off it? I know easier said than done, but sometimes the distraction helps a bit

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Like you can't just become a p word right I hope not like you can't just automatically be like ok I think I'm attracted to younger people because I've always been attracted to older people men like I just don't understand...... like I'm scared but I don't even feel anything at the moment but I was crying earlier about this even though I feel numb and don't feel anything do you know the feeling I'm talking about like it's hard to explain anxiety in chest heart racing tingly feeling groials numbness non anxious feeling.

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 I'm going to bed, but will check in on you tomorrow. Try to get some rest and sleep. It's gonna be ok....

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Yes! I know exactly what you are feeling! I had the same thing...I know. It's hell!

@Speckles Ok goodnight

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Good night. I hope you can feel a bit better and get some rest

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 How are you today?

@Speckles I'm not great....

@Speckles I didn't sleep well last night and I feel anxiety in my chest idk if I fell like me anymore like I feel so numb I honestly woke up and my freaking mind was like u like younger people and I felt so gross like I honestly don't even feel anything anymore I think I need brain surgery or something because if this keeps going on I think I'm just gonna end it I can't

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Oh no.. I'm so sorry. Can do something that'll take your mind off it?

@Speckles I've tried distracting myself but it keeps popping up in My mind like this can't be happening to me.......

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Don't talk like that! I was suicidal, but happy I didn't do it. You can do this!! It takes some time tho. Hold on!!! Get back when you can

@Speckles I don't even think this is ocd.....

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 I know you feel like it's so unreal. How can this even be happening.. it's all the ocd.. trust me

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 It is Ocd!! I've had it

@Speckles Can you tell the difference between people who are p words and who are not I really dont want this to be who I am like I'm scared....

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 People that are real P take pleasure in it. They aren't scared

@Speckles Like I litterly have to keep checking to see if I'm actually attracted and then sometimes I'll get a sense of relief and I'll be like oh OK I'm not...and then i feel like oh am I!? Like what!? And then with the anxiety is killing me.....

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 The anxiety can be high. I take a klonopin if I feel a panic attack coming on

@Speckles Like this has been going on for so long I feel so numb to the thoughts like I feel like I don't care anymore they just come and that's why I feel like nobody on this app nows how I really feel and that I'm the only one that feels this way like....

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 I know it feels like forever. Just take one day at a time. Try to do something you might enjoy

@Speckles But it's like I don't even feel scared I just feel numb and everytime I see a younger person I get this anxiety it's almost like excitement.....but it's not good excitement it's like heart racing anxiety tingly feeling I don't know how to explain it but like it's not leaving my body.... or my chest it just stays there. But i want it to go. Like this is very serious.........I don't want to feel this

@Speckles Like you can't just choose to be a p word right!? That's not how it works like what.... like I feel like since i did that compulsion I feel like my body and mind are saying that's what I'm meant to be like I can't move on from this.... how am I supposed to feel normal again and take my mind off this.

@Speckles Do you know the feeling I'm talking about I don't want it to seem like I'm saying it's a good feeling because it scares me but it feels that way and I dint want it to feel that way. Like can ocd make you feel like you actually like something when you know you don't. Beacuse when I accept when my mind is telling me I'm a bad person my body litterly is like eww no but when I tell myself I'm not my mind will be like yes you are like it's so confusing

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 You will once you are on some meds. It'll clear your head and you'll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 I know it's all confusing, but it really is the ocd doing this to you

@🐚🤍ℛℴ𝓂𝒶𝓃ℯℯ🤍🐚 Yes...I had the same type thing. You aren't alone for sure!!