i need NOCD as an outlet more than i thought

i used to be active on this app about 5+ years ago, and i feel that relating to others made me feel less alone, but something changed and i started obsessing that using this app was a compulsion in itself. i started having thoughts that i shouldn’t use this app, and i would stop myself from posting while thinking ‘do i really need to post this? is it important enough?’ and sorta convinced myself that if i don’t post about it, that makes it ‘less real’ and somehow makes the obsessive thoughts go away, but we all know that’s not really how it works. i realize now that me avoiding this app has been the compulsion all along.. and that feels pretty silly to be honest. i want to post more so that i can feel seen and less alone, so i’ll try to do that. after all these years ocd is still my greatest challenge. it takes me down daily but i can’t let it stop me from looking for support, or telling someone. sometimes ocd feels like my secret, and i don’t want it to be that way anymore. the longer i keep things to myself, the more my brain convinced me that it should stay that way bc it makes things ‘less real’. it’s already real, it’s already happening and that’s a fact i need to recognize.