I failed my people

I’m feeling like a burden because of everything bad that’s happening now. I haven’t looked into politics for my own mental health & stayed away. I was focusing on myself so much that I had forgotten about the election. I never participated back in 2020 when I was 18. I barely understood what was happening. I forgot about registration and I wasn’t even informed. all because I wanted to “be safe” for my own peace. I can say that I definitely wouldn’t have voted for the same president back then & now. but I wasn’t informed of other candidates due to my own negligence. I am still scared to form my own opinions. I am trying to be more brave little by little…..but because I’m open-minded, I like to hear what others say. and it just throws me around with the extreme words people say…..if I don’t do this, I’m “brainwashed.” if I don’t do that, I’m a “murderer.” and I don’t want to be labeled with such words. it’s already triggering hearing the possibility of me being that. although I may not get it a lot now, I have some idea as to what I believe. but I feel like I failed those people because I have been an irresponsible citizen. I’m sorry for failing you. I will do my best to stay informed for the next election. I will partake in midterms and local stuff to help the best I can. but I feel like me not voting this year was a major blow. I feel like I’m at fault for everything. I’m so sorry. I’ll become better.

Viny

Date posted: 40w

Hey, you didn't fail your people. You alone have no responsibility over people's lives, it's out of your control. And I don't mean to start a political conversation here since I hate those. Just to say you are doing good actually

spy

Date posted: 40w

@Viny I understand we try to help everyone here but peoples rights could literally be taken away because people wasn’t voting I’m not trying to attack the commenter but women are losing their rights every vote counts so many people are terrified for their future this election affected multiple people so I can’t just read your comment and go on about my day yesterday mattered for so many people how hard is this to get ?

Viny

Date posted: 40w

@spy - I'm not going to argue with you, I just don't think one person has to bear the weight of an entire nation's fate refering to OP in this case.

spy

Date posted: 40w

@Viny But sadly one person is because a person that doesn’t care about my rights is now the United States president and now I have to live in fear for four years

veinsoul

Date posted: 40w

@spy I get what you’re saying. and I’m sorry that I didn’t vote. I understand it’s a civil duty & I basically became useless. I don’t know why I’m not feeling much now when I’m affected in multiple ways like family risk of deportation, basic rights (lgbt & woman), and other stuff. and about the value of votes, I have read mixed responses. people say they matter and others say it doesn’t because the system is rigged anyway. again, I have very limited knowledge and based on what I read today, it’s actually more dangerous to vote with very limited knowledge. I was hesitant to try yesterday because I was way past registration. I had completely forgotten the date. I’m so sorry. I have been living in my own bubble, busy fighting with myself, dealing with su/c/dal ideation, self-harm, and other stuff. I should’ve been in the know but it just takes a toll on me every time. I also have a distrust in people so I don’t know who to trust. it’s just lies, fake promises, and hypocrisy, as far as I know. I hate liars. some of this political stuff shouldn’t even be up for debate cos I think it’s something that should be granted, yet it still is. and now what? I can’t change what happened and as much as I’d like to go back, time keeps moving. I don’t even know what to do. I just feel useless in everything. all I can do now is just try to stay informed and not give into media bias. do I feel guilt? yes I do. but what can I do now??? I’m thinking just voting for midterms and local stuff. I don’t know what to do now. I’m sorry.

spy

Date posted: 40w

@spy Every vote counted this election I will not turn a blind eye to these things anymore to protect someone feelings because when it came down to it no one cared to protect me

spy

Date posted: 40w

@veinsoul Your right we can’t go back in time but it sucks so hard because I just keep thinking about not even my self as a 17 year old black girl how I couldn’t vote anyways but about women and gay people’s rights and how they how to live in fear now and that breaks my heart so much I can’t stand it because this country and it’s people has proved multiple times they really don’t care about us

veinsoul

Date posted: 40w

@spy I’ve seen it around. I know. and I feel so bad for missing out. it just feels worse as I am a poc queer woman and this whole thing is a slap to the face with a shout saying, “wake up from your suffering and get back to the world! your people need you!” I get your feelings. tbh, even though I never have voted (2020 & this year), I would’ve never voted for this cheeto president. and that’s coming from someone who isn’t well informed and hears how horrible he is! “well, if you think that, then why didn’t you register and vote against him?” bc 1. I forgot about registration (and wish we could just vote without it….) 2. been suffering mentally that I closed off the entire world basically (social media, friends, etc.) 3. I am very uninformed and did not want to do something stupid and vote for people I didn’t know anyway, coming from a 22-year-old, you are actually doing good in regards to elections. I see good in you for the next election, assuming you’ll be able to vote by then. please keep it up and encourage others to vote. I don’t want them to end up like me. anyway, I just read from someone in the lgbt community that presidential elections aren’t the most important things. sure, they’re important but not as voting for senators & representatives. I didn’t know this until now! so that makes me feel a bit better at least….means that I can maximize my power to these elections instead! honestly, it makes sense. gotta vote for the smaller things to change big things. in other words, voting for these candidates impact more of our daily lives than presidential elections. so while I feel regret and guilt with not voting this election, I can still fight for change in the others! hope is still there even if it’s rough right now. hang on tight and stay safe. I won’t back down now that I know. I’ll fight for our future.

veinsoul

Date posted: 40w

@spy but I promise you, I do care. because I’m affected as well. even if I wasn’t, I would care. I just made a stupid mistake of not voting because I forgot & was out of touch. I won’t do it next time!

gl0aming

Date posted: 25w

the guilt is all-consuming, advice needed

so, i’ve talked here before about the discord community i used to be in. they were rpg servers, there were adults and minors both in the community, and while there were rules against NSFW, jokes were definitely still made and lines were crossed. i was 19 at the time, and though i’m fairly certain i never made and explicit sexual jokes or remarks, i was still there when others did. my best friend did make suggestive jokes, and i still laughed. i didn’t leave. i feel guilty and tainted and like this is the end of the line for me- i have a following and an online career, and it feels like all of that is going to go up in smoke, because i didn’t realize that being friends with young teens as an 18-19 year old could be weird, or risky. i feel like this is proof of every bad thing that i’ve worried i am. if i could be there, and be okay with all the things that were said and joked about and just ignore them, what else am i capable of? i love my life, and my family. i don’t want them to see me as a monster. my mom thinks i’m making a mountain out of a molehill, but i don’t know if i agree with her. i’ve looked at other cases of people who have been cancelled for being inappropriate around minors online, sending inappropriate photos or making jokes and their entire lives go up in smoke. Is that me? they’re labeled every horrible thing under the sun. did they just not think? I don’t know what i’ll do if people believe that about me. my worst fear feels like it’s coming to life before my eyes after lying dormant and tugging at the back of my mind for almost 4 years. I fought the urge to re-read old chats for that long, but i finally gave in, and while i still haven’t found anything i said or did that could be considered incriminating, i remember new things every time the last worry starts to settle. I tried to log back into old instagram accounts to check old chats there, and remembered i’d already deleted them in a panic, so now i’ll never know, and it feels like the fact that i felt guilty enough to delete the accounts at all is incriminating enough. I don’t think i can ever move past this. i don’t deserve to be here- i’m actually a monster, and i ruined my life before it even started.

Mitu_001

Date posted: 24w

I know I seek reassurance.But I really dont know what to do right now.I keep thinking about how I didnt help someone who was in a terrible situation a long time ago.They were a kid :( .Since then I keep thinking about what happened and how I didnt help.And I started to have intrusive thoughts ..about what happened..and other terrible themes.And I am really scared.I realised I keep thinking because I cant belive how difficult it was for them and how I could have helped and I didnt.I talked to a psychologist and they told me I didnt know how to deal with such a situation but I still blame myself.Sometimes I feel like they need help now, l but it was years ago.I stopped ruminating because it wont help anyone but I still have intrusive thoughts.I want to help now but I dont know if I can .I want to aplogise and make sure they are ok but I dont want to makw them remember.And I dont want to do that just because of guilt..I want to actually help.I feel like I did an unforgivable mistake..+ the terrible thoughts I have .Idk if I can ever share them with someone..ever..I feel like I am a dangerous person because I didnt help+ because of my intrusive thoughts.I really doubt myself..and feel like I shouldnt be trusted.Thank you if you have read all of this

vmpstr_

Date posted: 24w

past guilt

hi im experiencing a lot of anxiety and guilt right now. im 16 now but in the past i said many offensive bad things, slurs and racist jokes with my friends. it was disgusting and im not proud of this. I'd never say those stuff to an actual black people to idk make fun or shame them because im not actually racist, i could never hate another person just because their skin colour is different. but i did say disgusting stuff as "a joke" and i feel very guilty about this. I don't think i was always a bad person but for around two years i was just acting mean and pretty shitty. i wish i could turn back time, but that's not possible. i was talking about stuff I didn't have a clue about, i said n word just because "its just a word, it's not that deep!". but now i know it's really more than that. yet I can't move on. i keep thinking about it so much i want to throw up. I can't look in the mirror now i don't know what to do. lately im trying to become a better person, be nice to people close to me and just to finally feel good. but i feel like I don't deserve to change and i create scenarios that people will bring up my past when ill finally be a better person.

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I failed my people

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