I can't stop myself from checking for arousal by thinking sexually suggestive thoughts about teenagers. And I also check for arousal by thinking about a pedophile getting an erection while looking at a child to see if I'm attracted to pedophiles themselves. I'm so terrified. I don't want to check like this anymore, but it pisses me off that I always feel something down there. I feel absolutely disgusting. I don't want to be a pedophile, nore be attracted to pedophiles nore be a pedophile apologist. I just want it wiped off my mind. I hate it so much these compulsions make me feel like an irredeemable piece of garbage. I am so fucking sick of this. I feel like even if I get diagnosed and treated for OCD, I'll never get over the regret of willingly thinking these things to check. I feel like a horrible person.

madwithocd

Date posted: 5y

Honestly, that sounds like just black and white thinking, wishing for it all to go away. You must know that dealing with all those gross "urges"and compulsions comes with the whole OCD package. Just be more self-compassionate to yourself. You'll get better

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

How do I show myself self-compassion when if I tell someone without ocd what I WILLINGLY THINK ABOUT "to check myself" they'd call me a freak immediately.

leah2009

Date posted: 5y

How can you help?.I would appreciate it

leah2009

Date posted: 5y

@ANNIE Ok where can we make a group? Can we discuss it here?

madwithocd

Date posted: 5y

It's fine, I'm going through the same thing. You'll get through this. We'll get through this. You know the whole drill, live with the uncertainty and do NOT perform compulsions. Shall we try that once more?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I feel like a terrible creep freak for doing that. Why are you so calm about it.

madwithocd

Date posted: 5y

@Vimli I've gone through what you're feeling at the moment. Even today, I believed that all my thoughts were true and they were really indicative of who I wAs. But I realised that I was going down the OCD rabbit hole and I'm trying very hard not to perform compulsions

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@madwithocd you don't understand. I know it's OCD. It's just that It's no excuse to label every gross thing I do as "just my OCD". I want to never have the urge to do compulsions, I want to never indulge in them, I want to not have this. I want it wiped from my memory. I feel like I've committed multiple thought crimes just by continuing to do shit like that.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond