** DEATH AND DECOMPOSITION OF HUMANS MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING ** Does anyone have an obsessive fear of death? Not like the act of dying, but like rotting things and contamination from corpses or people losing what makes them human. This was one if my old themes. Anything related to decomposition like maggots, flies, or smells that I thought smelled like death would set me off. It started when a guy in my building died from TB and they didn't find him until a few days later. They supposedly had a clean up crew come in, but I have serious doubts that they actually cleaned anything properly because I live in an absolutely disgusting slum with a slum lord owner who doesn't give two shits about people, only saving a dime. My mom worked in a cemetery when I was little so she knows what crypt gnats look like and what death smells like due to mausoleums. I still don't recognize the smell (even though she explained it to me), but she's pointed out the flies to me so I know what they look like. I wish I didn't because now I know when someone is dead in my building. One of my neighbors went into the apartment of her other neighbor down stairs from me and found him dead and went into extreme detail about his decomp to me. I went outside and found a medical glove with fluids on it that I think were from the clean up of his body the same day. It made me have a big mental breakdown. I still get intrusive thoughts about the description of what he looked like sometimes. I ate a guava and realized there were worms in it and literally chucked it across my kitchen and screamed and promptly sobbed while washing my mouth out for like 15 minutes. I know fruit flies are totally different, but any maggots remind me of death. It's not even people dying that bothers me. My next door neighbor died fron a drug overdose a few months back, but they tried to save her. It's decomposition that bothers me both because of contamination and the loss of humanity that decomposition brings. I had this intense curiosity to look at images of decomposition on reddit even though I didn't want to. My bestfriend told my about her mom working with old people and how she found rotting people multiple times and again she went into detail. I was afraid see someone I'm very close to for a short period of time because they told me that they died as a child and had to be resuscitated. He told me that you evacuate your bowels when you die (sorry for the details) and again this bothered me because it's a loss of humanity type thing, not because he died. I don't know why this made me avoid him because he's alive now. Old people bother me for the same reason because they lose what makes them who they are as people and pretty much revert back to babies. Sorry for the long rant, but I started thinking about it again.