Soocd hocd

Hi, really struggling currently battling my memories: fear of being a lesbian!!! it’s said i would remember if i felt attraction to women in my past but i just. can’t. remember. my brain is taking every interaction with a woman and making it like i was attracted even thought im like pretty sure i wasn’t but again. i. just. don’t. know. it’s making even what i thought to be platonic have some meaning and has fully convinced me i have had gay thoughts and romantic and sexual feelings to women before my hocd. second, it’s battling my memories with my past experiences with men. i bet we’ve all see the comphet list… not fun… i related to a few when it came to like a disconnect with male attraction before my hocd. my brain is really attacking that and is using everytime i didn’t feel something as proof that im gay and everytime i think i remember feeling something with men it’s saying it wasn’t real or it wasn’t strong enough or i never wanted it or it was just societal pressures yada yada. idk i guess im just really struggling with these two and its hard to say maybe, maybe not right now. just wanna know if anyone can relate

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w

This is something that I think a lot of people struggle with in this subtype, myself included. Here what I have learned: 1.) get off google and reddit: There is nothing out there that will help you figure this out, because you don’t need to figure it out! 2.) just because it happened to someone else, does not mean that it will be your story: this is hard because we have ALL seen the comphet list and that is just designed to trigger people in this subtype. Any woman in the world could find SOMETHING on that list that they can relate to in one way or another. As people with OCD we just see it as all or nothing. This is a tough one because OCD loves to latch onto other people’s stories as “proof.” One of my biggest obsessions at the moment is a person in the family who came out and left her marriage (this happened almost 3 years ago at this point and when it happened nothing latched on with me, but when I relapsed bad back in August my mind has picked apart every detail.) You will never know someone’s full story, or if they are even happy with the decision they made now! 3.) Try not to dig too far into memories: OCD loves to play with your memories and add things in there to make you question whether the memory is true or not, or what happened in that particular memory. It can also morph your memories into your worst fear to fit its narrative. You can’t change the past, and there is nothing you could’ve done to constitute worrying over a memory. Maybe it happened, maybe it didn’t. You will never know exactly, but your OCD will play with it constantly to make you scared. It’s easier said than done, but just try to ride the wave. I have been in a flare up since last week, so my OCD is begging me to google and read articles but I just can’t reopen that compulsion! I know you can do it too!

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w

I struggled a lot with comphet too. Trust me it’s the worst. But for me, the comphet was the worst of it and once I got passed that, it slowly started getting better. I know how hard it is to say maybe maybe not, I still struggle with that. But the best thing you can do is stay present, focus on now, if you change your mind, you’ll deal with it then. Your brain will use literally anything and everything against you to bring you back in. Don’t give it the power!!

anonymous123...

Date posted: 38w

@Anonymous thanks so much for the reply! i know that saying that it’s possible it’s true is the only way but it really feels so scary. i’ve been doing exposure therapy with my therapist and it’s starting to help. but i keep going on these deep dives and i know i have to stop. what really got me was seeing that it’s apparently possible to be comphet and have hocd! oh boy that got me. i just don’t know how that possible cause ocd supposed to be ego dystonic not ego dystonic and ego syntonic.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w

@anonymous12345675883 The best way to approach this, is to know that you’re scared of something. Theres more likely a reason, for me, I’m confident that my ocd started because I had reached a point in my relationship where the honeymoon phase ended and the true commitment and love was next. But I guess that made me anxious bc it felt like something was wrong that the excitement from the honeymoon phase wasn’t there anymore so it went to rocd “am I with the right person?” Then eventually to “wait am I doubting because I’m actually gay?” But it started with how I felt with my bf. Doubts are normal in relationships but my ocd interpreted it as something is wrong. Maybe it would help to understand what your fear is, and learn to be okay with it. Sorry ik it steered away from SOOCD. My point is, don’t be scared. This “threat” can’t hurt you. I know it feels like so so urgent and you can’t rest until you figure it out but you really don’t need to know, just live in the now and do what makes you happy <3 I hope this helps

Mt2019

Date posted: 25w

Question about HOCD

Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 16w

LESBIAN WITH SO-OCD

hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd

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