Losing my mom to cancer

My mom and I have always been very codependent on eachother. A few months ago we found out she had gallbladder cancer stage 4 that spread everywhere. Now it's getting to the end, this is the last thing me and my family expected, I have never been the strong one, my mom always has, but I have not left her side during this whole thing. I already feel the pain of losing her coming on and it already feels unbearable. I was just wondering if anyone else is or was close to a parent who has passed at a young age and just felt helpless and like they couldn't handle it. Any stories and helpful tips about this subject would help me alot. I don't know where else to turn except to find a psychologist.

Mike✌️

Date posted: 38w

I lost my mom to lung cancer a few years ago. She was 65, pretty young. Do you have a therapist that knows how to treat OCD? The grief was manageable for me with the help of family, even though she passed away within seven months of her diagnosis, but the OCD got very painful. I tried to go back to my life asap after she died and it was too quick. Take your time with the grief and I’d just bear in mind the OCD might spike in unforeseen ways like it did me. It’s all okay though. The intrusive thoughts are all bullshit as ever. You can do it. Showing up as much as your mom needs you right now will help with everything later. Go all out in your love for her.

Cassi logreco

Date posted: 38w

Thank you for responding, ive been to therapists for OCD, but none of them stuck, i thought I was actually doing better, I was self helping myself from what ive learned, and out of no where this happens. I'm just so afraid I won't be able to do a thing because I'll be to anxiety riddled or my ocd will just overcome me over this. I am looking into some different kinds of counseling though.

anonymous00001

Date posted: 38w

Hi Cassi! I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. I know it must be really painful. Losing someone you love is really scary, no matter the age. I really resonate with the fear you have of not being able to handle it. Actually, the trigger for the biggest OCD episode I had was the anticipatory grief of my grandmother, who raised me and passed away almost exactly a year ago. Leading up to her death, I felt like I was the only person in the world who “couldn’t handle” losing the person I loved. I felt like a baby and I had all of these relentless thoughts that maybe I loved my grandmother “too much”, OR inversely I didn’t love her “enough” and that I was an incredibly selfish, incapable, broken person. I also remember using the word “codependent” like you did here. I thought my whole world would implode and nothing anyone said made me feel better. I felt like I was over reacting, all before she was even gone. I’m not going to lie to you, the grief was HARD. And it still is. But the thing that made it unbearable was those judgmental, obsessive thoughts that made me need to find certainty if I loved her the right way, or try to pass judgment on myself for the way I was feeling. A piece of advice I could give is to get back into OCD therapy if you can, I really wished I found it before she passed. And please know, even though it’s reassurance, that your love for your mom is beautiful and that you CAN get through it. I’m so so sorry and I wish I could take it away, but you post also made me feel less alone. Sending love. ❤️

Cassi logreco

Date posted: 38w

Thank you so much that helps alot to hear that I'm not alone. I'm also sorry for your loss. Thank you for replying I appreciate it so much you have no idea.

RadiantlyRed...

Date posted: 20w

Taboo Thoughts/Depression/Need Advice Please

TW I am so utterly broken. I feel like my heart is shattered to pieces, within the span of a month I have lost someone that was like a second mother to me and someone who just passed away that was my closest connection to my great grandmother. I am having very taboo thoughts (as well as physical responses) surrounding death because of OCD, while also carrying such a massive weight of grief. Idk if taboo thoughts with death are even normal, while it is overwhelming me, I’m also so numb to grief at this point. Can anyone please give some kind of advice on how I may improve my mental health without overwhelming my family during their time of grief? I’m so tired of being strong, but right now I absolutely have to be. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Kontheili

Date posted: 9w

Need some advice

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well! I lost my dad yesterday and me having ocd since I was 7, it just skyrocketed. Yesterday it was difficult for sure, but I didn’t have any intrusive thoughts about self harm. It all happened suddenly when I was half asleep (trying to sleep even though it was really hard), were I feel as if a switch turned on in my brain and out of nowhere I started feeling angry. I recognised at that moment that I was not angry but that’s what my brain was telling me. And that’s when I had an intrusive thought of harming my mom came to my mind and immediately after that came the thought of harming myself. And it stuck. I know grief can make these themes pop up, but what if this is all real and not ocd? I’m scared. I acknowledge I don’t have thoughts in my head of planning to harm myself, it’s just a feeling that this is going to happen. Now letting my thoughts out brings me relief, even sometimes this intrusive thoughts bring me relief (that is very scary), but ocd makes me so pessimistic, and that I’m doomed in life and the sad life my dad had will also be mine as well. There are moments where I feel hope and relief, but it doesn’t last for long. As if I’m so so sure that this is going to happen. And me having magical thinking ocd doesn’t help either. Grief is hard, sometimes I cry, other times I laugh with my friends and family, but those moments I laugh is when I get terrified ( I read people who have made up the decision to (you know) are happy and laugh. Anyways, I’ve talked to my mom about it, she’s super supportive of me restarting therapy and even though she’s struggling with grief, she’s always there to listen to me and give me all the comfort I need. But I informed her about the thoughts the moment the popped up. Just so that she knows and can save me because I don’t trust myself at all. Sorry for this huge rumble, but I’d really appreciate your advice. I’m scared and so not ready to start therapy (at one hand I don’t want to, it feels such a chore, but I know I need to get help). I’m very pessimistic at the moment and I feel no one can convince me that I’ll get better. I think my future life, and it brings me this warm nice feeling and then it is followed by the thought that this will never happen. And because I have magical thinking ocd, and my uni exams have just started, I had this feeling that this exam season will be endless and it’s never going to end. Guess what, I’m probably going to just take one exam out of three (my mind is like you see, this thought and feeling came true) and that’s where I get super pessimistic. Okay, I’ll shut up for now, please give me some advice on how you try to manage your thoughts and what to do for now. Take care ❤️

Suicidal OCD

mri12

Date posted: 8w

how to adjust

My parents, after 20 years together, are getting a divorce. I don’t really know how to process these emotions — I’m mad, I’m upset, and I feel hopeless. As much as I wish they would keep fighting for their relationship, it feels like they’ve just… given up. I know I’m older than most kids are when their parents split, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. In fact, it almost feels like it hurts more. Everything I’ve known for the past 18 years is changing. I won’t see my dad around the house the same way. They say they’re going to stay friends — and I hope they do — but I can’t help asking: if they can stay friends, then why can’t they just work it out? I don’t have all the answers. But the little girl inside of me is heartbroken… I don't know if I will get through this alone. I wish I had someone who is going through this or has gone through it from my age or older.

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Losing my mom to cancer

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