@Dude01 i see your point
the not knowing factor applies to when you can’t exactly recall what happened no matter how many times you try; an example would be
“what if i called that lady a rude name? i cant remember- oh no, i cant remember. what if i did? i think i did. let me try to remember. no i didnt. but what it i did- i think i did-“ over and over and over. this is when ERP comes in where you practice exposing yourself to the fact you could have said something rude to that lady, but instead of mental reviewing, googling, asking others their opinions, reassuring yourself mentally (“i didnt do that i wouldnt do that”), you just sit with the anxiety you feel until you eventually learn to tolerate not being able to remember
in terms of something you actually did, the process is a little different.
lets say i did indeed call a lady a rude name and i remember this
my trigger? the fact i called a lady a rude name
how would i implement this into ERP?
well, lets identify compulsions first. my compulsions? googling similar situations, mental reviewing trying to assess if what i said was truly that bad, worrying about what others would think, confessing to others over and over; even the same people over and over, etc
now implementing this into ERP would look like this;
exposing myself to the exposure; thinking about the fact i called the lady a rude name
preventing any response; no compulsions
eventually, with enough practice, i’ll get to a point where i no longer feel the need to obsess nor compulse and i can look at it with a fresh set of eyes. at that point i can then determine on if it’s something that truly needs to be confessed, or can be let go.
as far as accepting not knowing in a situation where you cannot remember, that’s what it is; if you can’t remember, there is nothing to identify, there is nothing you can do; you can recall as many times as you want, but you will not remember. accepting the fact you won’t remember isn’t ignoring it; it’s accepting it as it is because again, no matter what, you will not remember.
if you do remember later down the line, providing the fact you don’t go into a spiral from remembering, you can assess then how you should go about the situation (confessing, etc)
ERP isn’t so you can just push aside things you have done, it’s so you can get out of the obsessive loop and realize the disproportionate perspective you have on situations. now of course in some circumstances there are things you can indeed push aside as they aren’t really that bad, but there are other things you would indeed need to do something about. ERP just helps take away the obsessive factor, because when you’re obsessing, you cannot logically look at the situation.
