Help, I cried and left his house, please advise

I can’t stop being bothered by my boyfriend masturbating. I think it’s because he has a low sex drive and we don’t have sex as often as I’d like, yet he is able to masturbate regularly without issue. Often we will have sex and he doesn’t finish, which I understand and try not to let bother me but with him having such ease with masturbating and watching porn I sometimes wonder if I can’t satisfy him enough. He says that’s not the case and that it’s completely his deal with low sex drive and whatnot. I feel like I’m crazy for being bothered by him masturbating but I can’t help it. It triggers my anxiety and sometimes feels like a slap in the face (he one time left me to go masturbate while I was asleep for an hour and I didn’t find out until I woke up). In that case it felt like he could’ve woken me up or waited for me to wake up if he was in the mood. It just feels like a waste when he rarely gets horny and he was, and I was right there, yet he chose not to initiate sex with me. The other night we were on the phone and we usually talk until we both go to sleep, but he instead told me he was just going to let me go to sleep and he’d talk to me in the morning, not that he too was going to sleep. I know this was because he was going to masturbate and then sleep, but he didn’t want to tell me. Again this made me anxious and led me to go over and over the obsession. In that case we weren’t together, but we used to send each other sexual messages and perhaps photos and that never happens now, so it feels like there’s a disconnect with us sexually and I’m not sure how to feel about it or what exactly is going on if anything is wrong. I’m sure most of this is all normal but as you know, it’s so hard to tell yourself to ignore it. And to top it off I think I’m feeling a bit of cognitive dissonance due to the fact that yes I am human and I too masturbate, so feeling bad about his masturbation really bothers me since I do it too. Maybe it’s the fact that I do it without telling him, because him telling me or alluding to it makes me feel devalued. I’m not sure, but I look forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts. Thanks!

Hi, I wanted to make a post because I honestly feel really alone. This is going to be long, but please bear with me and let me know if you relate or have any advice. I’m currently dating quite possibly the best guy I’ve ever met. And by FAR the best guy I’ve ever dated. We have such a strong connection and it’s my first healthy, non toxic relationship. He treats me with so much understanding, respect and kindess. But heres the thing. I have truly terrible ADHD, OCD, Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Panic Disorder and depression. And more specifically I’ve come to realize- ROCD. I constantly have thoughts about him not wanting me, lying to me, cheating on me, etc. I’ve seen a lot of posts about having ROCD where you doubt wanting to be with the other person- but I know with everything in me I want to be with this man. What I obsess about is him leaving me. I have constant anxiety, espescially since my PTSD kicked in about a year ago. Whenever I’m physically with him, I feel incredible. I literally do not get anxiety, and if I do its considerably less harmful- and hes there to hold me and comfort me. I have trouble eating because of my anxiety, but with him that’s never the case. We’ll have a great time- but the second I leave I begin to doubt how he feels. Whether he’s with another girl. Whether it’s too good to be true. Wondering when hes going to leave. These thoughts cycle and cycle in my head in a manner that is so all-consuming I can hardly focus on anything else. If I text him and I don’t get a text back I immediately assumt the worse. I thought at the beginning it was just because we hadn’t made it official, and when we did these feeljngs would do away. But then he made it official. And they didn’t. And then I thought when it got more serious they would go away. But then he told me he was falling in love with me( I felt the same). If anything, it made it worse. I told myself when he told me he was really in love it would get better. He did. We said I love you, and still. Constant worry. He’s not a great texter or caller, but I expressed to him how much I need communication and how much it bothers me when he doesn’t respond- and he apologized (WITHOUT getting defensive) and said that he would work on it. And he HAS. But still. It’s a cycle. The anxiety waiting for a text, the dopamine rush when I get it, respond, then wait and it starts again until he responds. Then again. It’s a vicious cycle and it’s tearing me apart. We’re open with each other- so everytime I get a thought I bring it up to him for reassurance. I explained to him that I’ve been hurt so badly before. The last time I was in love/my first love- was a narcissist who took my virginity by raping me and i stayed with him for a year and a half after that until it got to be too much physical and emotional abuse and he then fucked my best friend. Told everyone I was pathological when I tried to warn people about him. Every guy I’ve started to care about since then has lead me on or used me, and the less attention they gave me the more I needed it and the more I prioritized them. My dad was a narcissist who gave me love then would dissapear, or come back and I would have to take care of him as he was depressed and suicidal (I was 4) and to this day relies so heavily on me that when I don’t respond to him he says hes going to kill himself. I understand that I have severe abandonment issues, as well as trauma, and that I most definitely have an anxious attachment style. I’ve been trying so hard for the past two years to heal myself, but now its all the more important because I can tell that even though hes patient, it hurts him that I don’t feel secure, that I don’t seem like I trust him. I said that as time goes on and I get to knkw him more it’ll get easier, but I’m terrified that may not be the case. I’m so worried that I’m going to ruin this thing, that it will be a self fulfilling prophecy and that I’m missing out on this honeymoon phase, on being happy because I’m constantly worried about when it will be taken from me. I’m in therapy and we tlak about this a lot and I know it stems from my low self esteem and people-pleasing tendencies, but it doesn’t really seem to be helping all that much. Can anyone relate? Does anyone have advice?

This might be TMI, but I just had sex with my boyfriend this morning and was literally in my head the entire time. Questioning myself, am I into this? Would I be more into this if he was a girl? Literally couldn’t enjoy myself fully because my mind just wouldn’t shut off. Any advice on how to shut it off? I can’t stop crying. I feel like I would actually enjoy it if I wasn’t so in my head the entire time. I’ve never had this problem before, but now it’s becoming an issue