Im facing anxiety

I learned what i did was wrong and everything i tried to do when i was anxious was kinda avoidance and not what i should do, and what i should do is not figuring the anxiety out, its more like teaching myself that its okay to have anxiety, its also a feeling like happiness, sadness, anger and so on... However thos is my second try and im starting to feel sick sitting with the anxiety, i feel like im more like staring at it and it starts to get worse, i worry more, and i accept it but that doesnt do anything to it cause its still worry... Some of the thoughts that are scare and feeds the anxiety are automatic and my reactions too are automatic, the solution are always run to someone, run to a therapist to solve my problem but thats not the answer. The problem is that now im in a headspace where my thoughts say i cant deal with this and my feelings are lining up to that so it starts to get desperate, and im starting to be afrad of these thoughts cause i dont want to feel that i cant deal with this, its just more panic. And now im desperate and angry, i dont think sitting with it and staring az it would help or noticing everything, i feel horrible doing that. What i labeled before as "pushing away the feelings" seems like a solution cause i feel like now im constantly watching in and now i became afraid of everything, even the reactions... im just too inward focused, i dont think this one helps now. Im afraid of these depressive "i cant deal with this" thoughts, these made me panic before and i was in depression because of these before... I dont know what is the next step cause im being stucked here...

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 37w

This is so relatable!! I have definitely dealt with what you’re experiencing. As much as I know it doesn’t feel like something that helps me is that nothing is permanent, whether that be feelings, a certain lifestyle, etc. change is always possible!!

PRIV8

Date posted: 37w

Okay but what should i do? I didnt felt this a while ago and i feel it came back, im just constantly afraid to the point i will be depressed again... its too much

PRIV8

Date posted: 37w

@PRIV8 It reminds me of the pandemic times when i was so worried, my anxiety was high, i was afraid of everything and i became depressed, everything was too much, i couldnt sleep at night, i slept like 2 hours then i woke up, or i wake up with a panic or high anxiety/depression, it was so scary... i cant see the reason why do i would have to go back there and feel those things again, its just scares me alot... im scared i will wake up with a panic at night...

PRIV8

Date posted: 37w

@PRIV8 Idk i just got a huge panic while i was trying to sit with every thought that popped up and it was so many... it stressed me.out to the point i felt like im fainting... this is not the way i dont think. Milion thought came into my mind and they were stressful noone in this state can sit with all of them or notice every one of them and "sit" with them...

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 37w

@PRIV8 I’m obviously not a therapist but the best thing I can do when I am feeling similarly to how you are describing, is get up and do something, any activity, I like to exercise or clean or make art. You can really do anything. I think that this is a way of pushing back against OCD bc I’m not gonna let these thoughts disrupt my day anymore. For me I think it’s worse and sometimes compulsive to just “sit with the thoughts” and give them so much attention bc it easily switches to rumination. I don’t think of it as distraction because I tell myself “that horrible thought can be there while I do my laundry or ride a bike or make food” I just try and not engage with the thought as much as possible and bring myself back to what I’m physically doing in the moment. For me continuing on with my day while having intrusive thoughts like “I can’t handle this” or “what if I never get better” is a good way to live a values based lifestyle. I hope that rant makes sense lol and is somewhat helpful

PRIV8

Date posted: 37w

@Anonymous Thats my problem. At this point idk what is avoiding and i call everything what i do avoiding and i start to feel like im actually too inward and i should go outward. I wast thinking today too do i actually push away feelings or avoid? Even what you say, i ask what it means to do what you want and let the thought be there? Cause for me its that while im doing what i would like to do im still noticing that "the thought is there okay go back, the thought is here again go back" and it becomes a fight to go back and now it feels that im avoiding the thoughts...

PRIV8

Date posted: 37w

@PRIV8 Also in my case if i woke up with a panic, how could i aply the "do something instead" people told me that i should do something or go for a walk, i wont go for a walk at the middle in the night, its cold outside, i want to sleep...

anonymous07

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 37w

I relate to the “I can’t deal with this” thought.

PRIV8

Date posted: 24w

This illness brings up intrusive feelings

I was told that this illness that im having now(some say its some kind of covid) is attacking people where they are the most sensitive, so it got my mental health and at first it was the fear of my health which im starting to face but now it got deeper and i have feelings of hopelessness and like a depressed feelings and thoughts like things wont get better. And i dont know where this comes from, im afraid this is actually what i believe. Dont know if its ocd or the illness actually made these problem come up what was pushed away by me... When i have these feelings my first reaction is fear and i dont know if its something i shouldnt give attention or the fear is actually bad and it makes me avoid the problem, so i should work on this depression... I dont know whats happening but its scarry and i dont like these dark thoughts. I think i suffer more because of the fear and shame of these thoughts but again i dont know if the fear and shame shows me that i dont need to give attention to these thoughts or the fear and shame actually blocks me to deal with these thoughts and feelings...

PRIV8

Date posted: 20w

What is this feeling that i feel?

For 3 days I had a feeling that came up pretty often and I cant name it, I dont know what is it and the more i try to see what is it the more i feel worse. Usually letting feeling be and letting yourself experience it helps but not with this. I find myself feel grumpier, triggered and more angry. Its a mix of fear, but then i get angry too and I dont find letting myself experience it helpful cause I just stuck there. It feels like its in my chest and when it gets triggered it makes things hard to enjoy. I tried to be kind with myself and see what causes it but trying to be kind with myself triggers this annoying feeling and it just gets worse... i dont know what helps thats why i ask your help, if you ever experienced this... also i what i almlst forgot to mention, what is really important is that i became really sensitive to every thought, and any thought can trigger this feeling or any thought can trigger a negative feeling that will trigger this feeling. And honestly the "just accept it and let yourself feel what you feel" doesnt helps here cause i find myself really angry that i have to let myself feel the emotions that are triggered by these intrusive thoughts...

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 17w

Anxious

I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞

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