Panicking

i’m going on a 2 week mission trip in july and i’m so scared about how i’m gonna do without any electronics or anything (we aren’t allowed to bring any devices). my worst anxiety episodes happen when i’m free of distraction (like in bed or something) and i’m just so afraid that i’m gonna be really anxious throughout the whole trip. usually whenever i get anxious i try my best to sit in it and expose myself to it and NOT do compulsions, but once it has kind of subsided and i’m feeling better, i go on this app or something to kind of “cool down” i guess. does that make any sense lol. anyway, i’m just worried that bc it’s just going to be me and my thoughts for 2 weeks, i’ll have so many anxious thoughts and i won’t have anywhere or anyone to talk to about it (like i do here)—which i’m worried will make it worse. i don’t even know what i’m asking right now,,, i just don’t want my trip to be ruined or me not getting the most out of it because of my thoughts and anxiety. so i guess i’m asking if you have any advice or insights?? anything will help :))

I’ve never tried posting in this community or any online community for that matter, but my girlfriend of 8 years just told me she wanted to take a weeklong break 3 days ago. I know a week isn’t long and I believe everyone deserves space when they need it, I’ve been trying to give it to her. We’ve still ended up texting everyday (I made a rule with myself that I’d only text her if she texted me, so that the space is there if she wants it). These obviously aren’t our normal texts, the coldness and having to pretend this isn’t my other-half of 8 years is killing me. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD, but I’m almost positive I have rocd reocd. Ive been the type to make up problems in my head and obsess over them until I have to share my thoughts with her, this usually upsets her and we have a fight. She’s amazing, and I’d do anything for her, but shes not the reassuring type when I’m panicking about our relationship (not that that’s her responsibility). I have this awful feeling that when we talk about it after this week, she’s going to ask to just be friends. For some reason I just can’t do this, I can’t keep conversing this way with the woman Ive planned my life away with, I can’t keep living in this hell. I know that my delusions will get better once we move in together as they completely go away when we stay together, but I can’t help but feel that she’ll doubt this and want to break up anyway. As dramatic as I feel saying this, these last few days have been torture on my heart and mind. I can’t eat, and when I do I throw up and dry heave, I’ve lost 10 pounds in 3 days. My whole day is filled with random panic attacks and an inability to remain present and focused for more than 5 minutes. The panic attacks get much worse at night, not allowing me to sleep, and I just keep fearing the worst and obsessing over what I’m going to say or do to show her I’m serious about making this work. I’ve contacted two counselors and am meeting with one tomorrow, but I just don’t know what to do right now. I really appreciate anyone who read all this I just needed to put it somewhere.

Help, my new bf just went away for the weekend. We talked for hours yesterday, and today he texted me 7 hours ago. I haven’t heard from him since then. In these 7 hours my brain has gone from normal content about him— to my heart racing thinking about how we probably actually doesn’t even like me that much/maybe he’s cheating/he has all these character flaws I ignored beside/writing breakup texts to send because I can’t stand to see him tomorrow anymore. I can’t stand my brain!!! I can’t tell if these thoughts are real or just my nightly ruminations where I always think everyone hates me and is trying to leave me secretly.