Hi there yaya, I first wanted to say that I am deeply sorry that you're struggling so much right now, but I am so so proud of you for staying strong and fighting through the mental hardships you're facing. Seriously, acknowledge that and give yourself credit on how immensely strong you are. Know that you are not alone and that I, and countless others, are or have been in your shoes.
If you do think that you are a threat to yourself, please reach out and seek professional help. There are countless emergency hotlines for you to use, and you can call an ambulance or go to the ER for immediate care. It's nothing to be ashamed about, we all struggle and sometimes we may need a bit more help than usual to get us through the situation.
With that being said, I am now just starting to learn about OCD and it's treatment since I've been recently diagnosed, so I don't feel qualified to comment on that aspect of it. But, I think there are a couple of really good practices that can help your mind in general. 1. If you're not in therapy, find a therapist who specializes in OCD to help you deal with the intrusive thoughts in an effective, research based treatment plan. 2. Practice mindfulness. Everyday in the last week or so, I have set aside 10 minutes in the morning and evenings for mindful meditation using the headspace app, I know there's countless free apps and meditations you can find on youtube as well if you don't want to pay for a membership. 3. In those times where you are feeling deep anxiety, try box breathing. Breathe in through your nose for 5 seconds, hold your breath for 5 seconds and exhale for 5 seconds. Repeat this 10 times or so. What this does is stimulate this nerve in your body called the vagal nerve, which will help calm your heart rate down and regulate your breathing, helping reduce the amount of anxiety you're feeling. Sometimes when we're anxious, we breathe too quick which just causes us to feel even MORE anxious. Consciously breathing really helps off set that. After I do box breathing, I typically ground myself by looking around and noting in small minute detail 5 things I can see, 4 things I can touch, 3 things I can hear, 2 Things I can smell, and 1 thing I can taste. That helps you get out of your head and into the real world around you. 4. Practice gratitude and self love. Everyday, intentionally find time to sit down and tell yourself things that you are grateful for in your life and things that you love about yourself or things that you've done. Even though it's super super hard, we have to acknowledge the good parts of us and things we do despite whatever our brain is telling us. The more that we practice it, the more it becomes second nature and we can start rewiring those neural pathways to find more moments of self love and compassion.
Best of luck with everything, and please reach out to a hotline or go to the nearest emergency room if you are in need. You got this. We got this. I'm struggling too but we'll be ok.
