I was wondering if anyone ever felt like something they did was intentional. For instance, I looked at a guys area and it felt intentional or automatic at the time and afterwards I felt extreme guilt. It felt like my eyes was fighting not to look but slowly just started too.
I experience this a lot. I kinda chalked it up to being hyper aware of my eyes. A somatic type of OCD. I’m the same way with my hands. Everything feels wrong and intentional because I’m so weary of my eyes and my hands. So focused on them and focused on not doing something wrong when a lot of the things like looking are perfectly normal
@isshpra 🫶🏻 Yes, I have been avoiding men for a while now and I try not to make eye contact with men and it just so happens that this situation happened. It just sucks because I keep confessing to my boyfriend and keep thinking what if it was truly intentional but I try to rationalize it to the fact that I have been trying to avoid men for a while🥹 I’m sorry you experience the same thing
@Anonymous200 I’m sorry :( I found this reply on another post that helps me a bit, I hope it helps you too: “Hey I deal with this, what's happening is you care about people and you are trying not to devalue them by looking at them innapropriately or your afraid of looking there because someone might say something to you so you obsess on trying not to look there which makes you feel like you want to look more it's a form of tourettic OCD and would be considered a tic. When this happens to me I just tell myself it's a tic I didn't look because I want to it’s a fear response and the less power you give it the less it will happen.” I’m here if you need anything, this is really hard and confessing is my biggest compulsion so i completely understand.
@isshpra 🫶🏻 That does help me a lot! Actually before posting this I did look up Tourettic OCD and read a little more about it. I am Sorry if this is tmi but It just sucks because I was having thoughts of “what if it’s big” which made me look at the guys area. Normally I’m able to stop myself from doing this but, maybe because I was working during Black Friday and I was very overwhelmed already with so much going on. It also lead me to look back where he was standing as I walked away. And later on I went to check if they left for a peace of mind but was afraid it would seem like I was looking for him It all could be so confusing 🥲
@Anonymous200 It’s not TMI but I do tend to absorb others’ intrusive thoughts so I’m worried I’ll start thinking that now (I probably will). But it’s really just another intrusive thought, not a reflection of you. I know how it can be confusing, trust me. I’ve sought out people and things in a twisted attempt to avoid them (checking if they’re gone so I can relax or making sure an item is away from me so I can relax) it’s all very contradictory and I’m guessing that’s why it’s hard to shrug it off as ocd since it almost looks like we want the opposite. It’s all just OCD, you’re not crazy
@isshpra 🫶🏻 I’m so sorry, I really appreciate your help and if you ever need to talk you can always message me💞
@isshpra 🫶🏻 can this happen when your like around people like if i’m walking through a crowd or around people like i have a deep rooted fear of making people uncomfortable i would never want that, i think because i as SA’d it triggered that obsession so im hyper aware of my body around people and where certain parts are as i wouldn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, and everything feels wrong like every movement, im really struggling with this, its really painful, its got to the point i will sit on the floor to avoid people, like my family, its really confusing and i feel like im the only person with it
@Elicambel Yes, it can be worse when it’s crowded. At least for me it is. When I’m alone with my mom, it happens a lot and it’s where I feel the crappiest about it because I love my mom with all my heart and soul. It feels so wrong. It’s just OCD. It’s all OCD. I’ve been stared at in “private” areas. I’ll be honest it was done in a creep, no shame, very obvious way so it’s different from you glancing and feeling shame and panic. Please don’t think you’re an awful person, I promise you you’re not. This is really hard. I don’t sit on the floor but I’ll delay putting in my contacts or wearing my glasses bc I can’t see that way. Sometimes I’ll smush my head into a pillow and talk to my family like that. I completely understand and you’re not alone. I promise
@Elicambel To be a little more specific, it happens to me wherever, whenever. It’s the moment I remember ppl have privates, and then all of a sudden I can’t control my line of sight too well. Crowded malls, fairs, or restaurants are a nightmare. I can barely watch TV bc bodies.
yes, when i was a kid i would do this all the time. It's not something we want to do, but something we are forced to do
I feel so ridiculous saying this. Has anyone struggled with looking down a people’s private areas since having ocd. I hate it, but feel I have to look or find myself just looking. I feel so guilty after and especially when it’s a women I kinda shudder after like why did I just do that. Ugh I hate this. I never used to have this issue but now I’m focusing on it my anxiety is going crazy with it . If people have experienced, how did you get over this??? My sexual orientation is thriving off this . I hate it
I wanted to ask if it is possible to purposely think of an intrusive thought and then shifting your mind instantly to something else? Is it still an intrusive thought if you have been thinking of it 'purposely' for a second? I dont know how else to explain it, but it felt like I was purposely thinking of it. Anyone else had similar experience what happened during intimate moments like masturbation I feel so ashamed cuz the thoughts are so bad they're either about family members children and stuff like that it feels like I think it I just want to know if I'm not alone I feel like a monster because it feels like I thought these things or like I did think these things and I don't know what to do I feel so ashamed and grossed I need help I just want to know if anyone had a similar experience to shed light on because I don't know I feel so isolated
I have this same situation replaying in my head. It has to do with porn so if your young just know this may be a little graphic. I tend to use Twitter for porn and the reason I do this is it’s a lot more direct I can type in what I want to see and it’s there I don’t have to go through unknown websites and hope not to get viruses, and to be a little more specific more amateur/ real sexual experiences come up on Twitter rather than porn pages with staged written scenes. So in my use of Twitter for this there’s been times when questionable material/ illegal material has come up and never did I save it knowing it was 100% illegal or even interact with it if I knew it was 100% illegal. I was 18 or 19 at the time of this and I started to fear that in these moments I would look at these illegal videos/ sketchy videos to long when they would pop up like for example I remember seeing a video that was 100% illegal content and I was so shocked and like confused that I looked at it for a moment and then left and then I went back to look at it again just to confirm that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing I also remember seeing videos that were in a 18+ section but sometimes the girls in the videos looked like they could be 15-17. As we all know 18 year olds can look anywhere from 15-17 or even younger these days so I would be cautious and use my context clues and what I knew when watching videos that I was suspicious about but had no proof of them being illegal aside from my thoughts and the person looking young. So with this and me worrying I got super scared and hyper aware of what I was watching and now I remember me going back on Twitter to look at content that I was intending to be 18+ but all I would think about is what if something illegal would come up what if I see it and I look for to long or what if I feel attracted and I like it. And I just remember going back to Twitter to look at legal porn but it felt like I was there so that something illegal could come up to see how I’d naturally react to it. Never did I go and type in key words or type in anything illegal in fact I remember times I would strictly put 18+ next to whatever I was searching so I could be sure everything was legal but sometimes it would feel like my hope and intention was that I would see something illegal so that I could feel that anxiety rush or just to see how I would react naturally to seeing it and I feel like this would count as me intentionally looking for it so now I feel disgusting and like I committed a crime. Sometimes I just feel like I was only looking at porn because I wanted to feel that anxiety of what if something bad comes up and how would I react. I know deep down I didn’t want to see illegal content and that I was probably just feeling that I wanted to check how id feel if it did come up but now I feel like I was intentionally looking and that my whole objective was for something questionable to come up so I can see how I react. Is this ocd or did I just make a horrible decision?
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
