- Date posted
- 39w
I’m so lonely
My mother is so difficult to deal with, she takes everything I say personally and start screaming at me saying I make her feel miserable and that my words hurt her, even if I didn’t say anything hurtful she just always feel attacked without any reason, my father used to tell me that my mother is insane and there is no hope she will ever act normal and understanding, yet what he did is leaving us and making a new family, I’m an only child with very intense OCD symptoms trying to deal with my mom who got no one but me, but it’s so hard I’m always afraid she might get crazy and kill herself or me, she even threatened me that she’s gonna kill herself while holding a knife to her neck when I was only 12 years old, and she makes jokes in front of my cousins about buying big knifes for cooking but she’s gonna kill herself with them instead, whenever she gets mad or gets a headache she act so insane, she starts crying, screaming, breaking things, arguing with herself, tearing up her clothes, beating herself up, and insulting god, she does all this since I was like 3-4 years old, but I still get so scared whenever she gets like this, I just hide in my room and put headphones until she finishes, but after that I always feel so disconnected from reality, and feeling numb, then she gets mad at me for being like that, I get nightmares about her getting fully insane and trying to get to me while I’m crying for my life and trying to call anyone to save me but no one answers, I’m so tired of this situation, I offered her to go to therapy but she got mad and felt insulted. I feel so lonely in this