I’m so lonely

My mother is so difficult to deal with, she takes everything I say personally and start screaming at me saying I make her feel miserable and that my words hurt her, even if I didn’t say anything hurtful she just always feel attacked without any reason, my father used to tell me that my mother is insane and there is no hope she will ever act normal and understanding, yet what he did is leaving us and making a new family, I’m an only child with very intense OCD symptoms trying to deal with my mom who got no one but me, but it’s so hard I’m always afraid she might get crazy and kill herself or me, she even threatened me that she’s gonna kill herself while holding a knife to her neck when I was only 12 years old, and she makes jokes in front of my cousins about buying big knifes for cooking but she’s gonna kill herself with them instead, whenever she gets mad or gets a headache she act so insane, she starts crying, screaming, breaking things, arguing with herself, tearing up her clothes, beating herself up, and insulting god, she does all this since I was like 3-4 years old, but I still get so scared whenever she gets like this, I just hide in my room and put headphones until she finishes, but after that I always feel so disconnected from reality, and feeling numb, then she gets mad at me for being like that, I get nightmares about her getting fully insane and trying to get to me while I’m crying for my life and trying to call anyone to save me but no one answers, I’m so tired of this situation, I offered her to go to therapy but she got mad and felt insulted. I feel so lonely in this

Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 42w

Thank you for sharing this. This is a very difficult situation. I can understand how lonely you feel and the insecurity this type of behavior causes in you, especially as you were a young child. I'm more than willing to be here to talk in times of need, anytime, I hope you know that. :-) But do you have a safety plan in place? A near relative you can go to if you need to?

lyn lyn

Date posted: 41w

@Someone99 I don’t have anyone to go to :( I find it hard to tell anyone about it Im afraid they won’t understand me and shame me for not taking care of my mother instead

Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 41w

@lyn lyn Forgive us for not understanding your culture and the challenges you face. I'm honored you're here in this community with us. I'd like to learn more about you and your culture. It's a big world, but a small world we all share. 🙂

Anonymous

Date posted: 42w

I'm sorry to hear this, it breaks my heart! :( I hear your struggle, and I wish the best for you

lyn lyn

Date posted: 41w

@Anonymous Thank you 🙏🏼

Zoë_84

Date posted: 42w

I'm sorry you are going through this. Parents should be the source of love, comfort and stability, if they are not, it can damage a child emotionally and mentally. How old are you, if I may ask? If you are an adult, I strongly suggest, that you find your own place and move out.

lyn lyn

Date posted: 41w

@Zoë_84 I’m 23, unfortunately I live in close minded society, us women are not allowed to move out until marriage 💔

Anonymous

Date posted: 40w

@lyn lyn I know this answer was not directed at me, so I'm sorry if I'm intruding. That's so sad to hear, I'm sorry... I don't know much about your culture or situation, so I hope I don't say anything incorrect or offensive. But if you need to talk through this, of course we could! I hope you find a good way through the situation, one that works well to your wishes and needs, and is a healthy and reasonable option. I'm here to listen and talk if you need!

Anonymous

Date posted: 40w

@lyn lyn Also, I can try to help you come up with possible options, but you might dislike ideas I come up with

ihavehope8937

Date posted: 22w

mom feelings

I feel super sad and depressed i'm tired of feeling so scared it's really changing me. My mom is a pretty difficult person she's a borderline narcissist. Over the years our relationship has changed a lot and recently i've been pretty hard on her because i feel so angry that she's not able to support me mentally in the ways that i need. I see now that she's mentally ill herself and i should be nicer and more understanding. she doesn't know better and she's trying her best. she was just a girl once and i feel bad that i said she lacks a motherly instinct. i love her a lot and i love seeing her laugh and be herself. she's super beautiful and unique and she deserved so much more out of life. I think my ocd makes me super angry towards the people in my life because i know i deserve the love i give. I would be so willing to have a really deep loving conversation with the people close to me yet i get such surface level support.

Anonymous

Date posted: 21w

I feel so humiliated

Yesterday I had a panic attack from OCD fears. I live alone, so in my panic I called my mum just to get some emotional support. It did not go well. I was asking for reassurnce to much and basically she got annoyed with me and started to chastise me. She said I was being ridiculous and accused me of just making up my symptoms to emotionally manipulate her. She even went as far as threatening to call the police on me to have me sectioned. I feel so humiliated. I know that I can be annoying during my panic attacks, and that my OCD puts a massive toll on my familiy. But I don't want to manipulate people. Now, I feel like an abuser. In these moments, seeing how much my weakness makes my family suffer makes me just want to not be here anymore.

Young adults with OCD

M✨️

Date posted: 15w

Anxious my world is crashing

I'm really scared and alone and I don't know how much I can handle! Briefly I lost my whole family and got abandoned too, and the adopted family I currently live with we are having conflicts with each other because they want to control everything about my life friends clothes times of sleep food drinks everything!! I have OCD very bad intrusive thoughts and they don't help at all but at least i have a place to sleep in and food and they aren't that bad after all and thank god they saved me but They are very much dependent on me on everything at home, and the mom treat me like garbage sorry for the word but these days it's been so bad we had alot of fights and i feel like she will abandon me too soon, I know I should have left them earlier but I don't have any where else to go and I don't have the courage to be whole alone!!! I'm crashing I'm terrified and many senarios are on my head and it feels like I'm living in a nightmare, should I obey her? But my life and my mental health would be much more bad, or leave them and face the world alone??? Please tell me anything I want to have hope that everything is going to be okay..

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I’m so lonely

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