- Date posted
- 42w
questionš
guys how do i stop needing constant reassurance? what do i do instead?
guys how do i stop needing constant reassurance? what do i do instead?
Agree with your intrusive thoughts no matter how disturbing they are. They will pass almost instantly and you wonāt need to see reassurance for anything at all because you will have done the work (very brave work) all by yourself.
I would say the biggest thing that helped me overcome my reassurance compulsion was learning how to be uncomfortable. Yes, I know how gross and yucky it feels, but the more you allow yourself to have these feelings, you will learn that you can handle them and they will pass without you needing to get reassurance in order to make them go away. It's all about retraining your brain. I find it amazing that no matter how old you are, you can rewire your brain to make new patterns!
Can you recognize what is causing you to seek reassurance? I believe reassurance is a symptom of the problem. Perhaps discovering the cause will help you to identify tools to prevent. I love your nickname, btw. Chocolate chip cookies are my favorite!!!
@Someone99 hi! iām having some heath concerns and im super super obsessive about it. and thank you, they are my favorite too!!!!
@Someone99 do you have any advice on how not to obsess over health problems even though itās something really happening you just donāt know what it is yet?
@ilovechoclatechipcookies What I can share is from my personal experience with OCD and ERP therapy. I also had health related OCD in 2018 that almost debilitated me, all is well. First, don't search, web md and Google may not be helpful to you, probably escalating your OCD. Are you seeking medical care for your concerns? Then allow your doctors to do their best. And self care is very important. Stay away from researching, even stay away from the Internet. Take a walk, stay hydrated, eat healthy, pay attention to loved ones and people close to you. Can I ask what you're concerned about?
@Someone99 thank you for your wordsš„¹iāve been definitely trying to stop googling bc itāll make me feel good at first then terrible so i definitely know thatās a compulsion. but i am worried about a lump i found on my leg that has started to hurt and itās been there for months i just havenāt noticed. i am going to the doctor soon and i am so worried about my health and life. its so hard to keep my mind off it bc i am so worried its serious. i have had different health problems this year that have all turned up okay but i am feeling super defeated and drained bc i was just feeling better until this. let me know what you think!š„²ā¤ļø
@ilovechoclatechipcookies Thank you for sharing. If you'll allow me to, I would like to be a part of this journey with you? Let's take one day at a time. You have the appointment with the doctor, that's the right thing to do. It's not an invalid concern. There's almost too much information online these days, so let's stay away from researching for tonight and tomorrow. Ok? One day at a time, I'll be with you if you allow me to. š
@ilovechoclatechipcookies Good morning, happy Sunday. No checking, no researching. Tell yourself "I feel like I need to research this, but I'm not going to, I'm going to allow the uncertainty, might not like it, but allow it." Allow yourself to be present in the moment today. :-)
@ilovechoclatechipcookies You doing ok today?
@Someone99 definitely better, just staying off my phone. thank you!
@ilovechoclatechipcookies Good. No researching!!! š
@ilovechoclatechipcookies So...when is your doctor appointment?
Posting here for the first time, please be gentle, not sure if this is applicable! I definitely struggle with reassurance-seeking especially when it comes to real events, but over time have found ways to self regulate and use self-guided therapy apps and worksheets to help fight any challenging thoughts as they come up throughout the day. There are a few times when Iām unable to do the work myself and donāt feel as emotionally strong, which I feel is reasonable considering how exhausting my symptoms can be (for clarification, I am diagnosed with anxiety but not OCD, although I fear all signs lead me here). Only on the extremely difficult days, Iāll ask my partner for reassurance (he is aware of my tendencies and is quite patient) but he has his own baggage, and having a partner asking for reassurance can be triggering for him, as he was accused of several negative things in his last relationship. He quickly gets overwhelmed with me and feels that I donāt trust him. He is convinced that is the motive of my reassurance seeking. Today in particular, I woke up from a nightmare that reminded me of a past event. After struggling with it myself all day I brought it up in the evening to try and get some help, and did bring it up three times after that. I am always soft and gentle when I ask for help, and even asked for a lighthearted āpinky promiseā, which actually seemed to bother him. I understand that itās not his position to emotionally support me whatsoever and that reassurance seeking can become harmful to the both of us, but for the one-off days where I am having a really difficult time, I feel extremely unsupported by him. For context, my partner has broken my trust before. My thoughts took off during that time. Itās been a few months since then, and me openly seeking reassurance from him is not a frequent occurrence, since Iāve started my self-help. I actually feel Iāve come a long way but I do have days like today that set me back. I love and trust him with all my heart, but man does my inner monologue make me work for it. I just donāt know how to get him to understand that itās me having to work for it, not him. Unfortunately from the way he reacts, Iāve grown to feel unsupported by him, and am now rarely emotionally vulnerable with him. I am curious if there are any suggestions on helping him help me in a sense.. I donāt know how to get him to understand that it has nothing to do with a lack of trust. I have briefly opened up to him about my strong intrusive thoughts and figured it would help him understand a bit better but I donāt know what to do. I want to add: I have tried talking to him about how I felt unsupported. He just tells me he feels accused and would be supporting me at his own expense. He has even told me that I shouldnāt talk to him about these things, even though the thoughts I struggle with are directly related to events in our relationship. I really canāt seem to get through to him.
What did I do if I really want reassurance
If I stop seeking reassurance will the thoughts become less?
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