Intrusive thoughts Help.

I’m having a very bad evening with my intrusive thoughts. I was doing really good dealing with them but tonight one hit me hard. I’ve been having a lot of different intrusive thoughts but I’ll have one occasionally about hurting my mom or my dog who I love and they’re the only family I have in my life. They’re my world. I was helping my mom put away the dishes and I had the big kitchen knife in my hand and my intrusive thought was you could stab your mom. And then my brain said I had a twitch in my hand and that meant I wanted to do it. Let me just say that I wouldn’t hurt a fly. I actually caught a fly in a glass and put it outside instead of killing it this evening before this intrusive thought happened. I’m such a gentle and compassionate and caring person and these thoughts instantly cause me to have a panic attack. And I have no one to talk to them about. I know they’re hard for my mom to hear and I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am. I do desperately want to tell her and have her reassure me that I’m not crazy or a psycho. Then my thoughts wander to if your hand did flinch could you be a psychopath. Is hurting someone in you. I know it’s not but I feel like my mind is out to get me and hurt me. I’m working so hard and I thought I was doing so good but I need to know why I have these thoughts. They’re not ok. I need someone to help me make sense of why. I know we aren’t supposed to ruminate but I shouldn’t have thoughts like this about people I love and care about the most in the world.

Username: ivrecivrec

Date posted: 5w ago

Unfortunately all people get occasional intrusive thoughts and thoughts about hurting a loved one or even a stranger are just thoughts that normal people can get. Your reaction of anxiety is due to the fact that this thought is against your values as a person. Trying to figure out what this means only makes your brain think the thought is important and this can make you have more of the same. The trick is if you have an intuitive thought and it gives you anxiety try and not fight the anxiety. Try your best to stay present in what you are doing. Telling yourself this anxiety will pass will teach your brain that you can handle the situation and that intrusive thoughts are not dangerous, they are just crummy thoughts we all get from time to time.

Username: BeeCee87BeeCee87

Date posted: 5w ago

@ivrec Thank you for your reply. It’s so hard for me to accept. I just keep working at it and praying it gets easier.

Username: RahmaaRahmaa

Date posted: 5w ago

I've been in this position, don't be afraid, it's just a thought, not a reality. If you're afraid to hold a knife, just hold it, don't be afraid, it's just a thought, it will never become a reality

Username: BeeCee87BeeCee87

Date posted: 5w ago

@Rahmaa Thank you so much for your reply. It helps to know I’m not alone. This is so hard for me. It makes me feel like the worst person.

Username: XKrazyTavXXKrazyTavX

Date posted: 5w ago

I’m so sorry ur going through this I dunno much about intrusive thoughts nd if people actually do them but if it makes u feel better mine i have is taking the sharpest sword known to mankind then slicing my pregnant sister stomach straight down the middle but it doesn’t bother me as much i got my ocd to thank for tht XD my ocd takes over so much of my day to day tht intrusive thoughts or any other thoughts dont have room in my head due to all the compulsions hopefully u can find someway to distract urself from ur impulsive thoughts to 😊❤️

Username: BeeCee87BeeCee87

Date posted: 5w ago

@XKrazyTavX Thank you for your reply! It nice to know I’m not alone. My intrusive thoughts are part of my ocd. I obsess over them and feel like a bad person instead of letting them go then I need to confess and reassurance seek to make sure I’m not a bad person. It’s a vicious cycle. I thought I was getting it under control but had a setback yesterday. Just when I think they can’t get any worse and I can handle whatever comes my way my mind proves me wrong. We are in this together though. So nice to have so much support.

Username: XKrazyTavXXKrazyTavX

Date posted: 5w ago

@BeeCee87 Ofc absolutely and I feel that I always feel like I’m not getting better but then I think back a year ago when I washed my hair 10 times per shower nd realized how far I came sense then we all have set backs but in the end it’s not as bad as when we started

Username: BeeCee87BeeCee87

Date posted: 5w ago

@XKrazyTavX Completely agree. We have to look at how far we’ve come. Last year was awful for me.

Username: XKrazyTavXXKrazyTavX

Date posted: 5w ago

@BeeCee87 It’s mind blowing bc it feels like when we think we r getting cured more problems head our way like my brother put up Christmas lights nd have them going over a doorway nd bc they were on the floor i refuse to walk thru it nd a new thing tht started this year is tht i cant smell 💩 without rinsing my nostrils out with water Dx

Username: BeeCee87BeeCee87

Date posted: 5w ago

@XKrazyTavX Complete get it! And I feel like the holidays make it worse! Because I’m putting so much pressure on myself to enjoy the holiday and not ruin it like I did last year with my health anxiety. Btw I always feel like my nostrils are burning and have Covid in them so I rinse with a saline spray daily. I feel your frustration.

Username: XKrazyTavXXKrazyTavX

Date posted: 5w ago

@BeeCee87 I feel like saline would make it sting/burn or make it worse and I would be worried about tasting it because I know if you tell your head back and you disinfect your nostrils with whatever then it goes to your throat

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 25w ago

Nonstop intrusive thoughts

Hello, it’s been some time since I’ve been on this platform but I’m not sure where else I feel safe to talk about this. Every minute of every day, I have the most horrible intrusive thoughts imaginable and I am constantly disturbed and horrified with both these thoughts and myself. I understand that these thoughts don’t define who we are, but it constantly raises the moral questions of if my brain is capable of conjuring these thoughts, even if involuntarily, then what does that say about who I am. The only solace I have is that I’m always disgusted with these thoughts but I’m constantly afraid of being some kind of monster because I have these thoughts and I feel like a terrible person for having these intrusive thoughts. I am in therapy and on medication, but neither are making this any easier, at least not yet. I don’t intend on stopping either nor have I felt any urge to actually carry out these thoughts, but they haunt me every minute of every day and I can’t stop them.

Username: Chloeee987

Date posted: 21w ago

Help! Had a horrible thought about harming loved one

I have severe various forms of ocd. Now it’s harm related. I love my family and daughter but today all of the sudden when I’m driving I had a horrible thought of: omg i will kill my own child one day because I’m crazy. And this thought is so horrifying because I have no intentions of harming anyone but these thoughts come up and I’m freaking out…anyone else have extreme intrusive thoughts?

Username: Ellasmama

Date posted: 20w ago

I’m a mess.

Hi all. I posted on here last night but please bear with me as this is going to be long. I really need some advice. I’m 24 years old and I’ve never had any history of severe mental health issues or violent tendencies. Minor harm ocd through out the years, and anxiety, but nothing severe. I’ve had my pup for many years at this point and never had any desire to harm her in any way - in fact, I’ve spent many nights crying into her fur at the thought that someday she won’t be with me anymore and valuing/cherishing her like my child. Then two months ago I got hit with a sore throat and triggered by a tv show on the same day. My minor harm OCD turned into severe violent images, thoughts, feelings, you name it - against my pup. When it started it was usually knives, and it always came with a feeling of “omg I would never do that!” anxiety and compulsions to make sure, etc. I started therapy, got psych evaluations, everything, all to be told it was in fact OCD. Then, it kept going and going and going - through ERP, through RP messages; nothing helped, and it came down to where we are now. I have constant, severely violent feelings and thoughts. Stuff I don’t even like to mention. I know they say don’t focus on the content, but…when the content is you cutting up your best friend or eating her, or any of the other horrific things my mind tells me to do…it’s hard not to. Constant, 24/7 “urges” or feelings staying with me that I would or want to do these things I find gross and had no desire to do. But now it makes me question that because it feels like something in me wants to. I’ll have a thought, get an “urge”, or hear a word or get triggered, and I get this sort of adrenaline drop/crushing/frozen feeling through my head and chest. It feels kind of like fear, but also at the same time like my brain is trying to fantasize about these things. Like it likes them. And I’m numb to her for the most part - I look at her and I get these weird things that she’s just body parts. That’s what I see. And why I’m getting so scared. I never cared that she had that and now it feels like I would just do something to her because of it. Whenever I’m around her, it feels like this strange aversion to her, like I can’t get close to her without seeing her insides. I get images of basically her guts. Or her heart, etc. It’s like I’m freaked out that she’s a living creature. And at the same time, the harm thoughts are so brutal that they make me cry, but I still feel like I’d do them. It also gives me weird sensations when I think about losing her like I’d want to? It’s like opposite feelings to everything I’ve ever wanted. I have no hope left that this will ever leave or I’ll get better or be able to keep my dog. The harm thoughts are SO much more violent than anything I’ve ever seen anyone describe. Is there any hope for me? Should I just give my pup to someone else? Is this typical harm ocd or am I a dangerous psycho?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Intrusive thoughts Help.

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community