sunflowerjov
- Date posted
- 35w
Overthinking
How do I stop my overthinking in my relationship I over think and analyze everything can’t stop my thoughts and it’s driving not only myself crazy but my partner as well
daltonb.971daltonb.971
- Date posted
- 35w
My girlfriend does this too. It takes a lot of patience from your partner so please make sure to tell them you're grateful for them listening to your concerns and trying to work them out with you. It can be very frustrating and confusing for your partner and may make them feel like they can't help you which hurts a lot. On the other end, I know it must be very difficult and frightening for you too. Something my girlfriend does is beat herself up a lot for getting anxious, please don't do that either and remember it is not you. You are not your anxious thoughts and they will pass. Your partner may be a source of reassurance so it may be best to take a walk and be alone while you destress and gather your thoughts so you learn to not rely on them for that. Its not fair to put on them. Me and my girlfriend have both had to learn to do that because we'd use each other for reassurance and wind up arguing needlessly in the past. Its not worth putting a strain on the relationship. My advice would be to sit with the discomfort and deal with it solo and with professional help from a therapist. Love, gratitude, and humility will help tremendously as well.
sunflowerjovsunflowerjov
- Date posted
- 35w
@daltonb.971 I tell him how grateful I am almost every day… I gotta learn how to keep my emotions and how my brain thinks I wish I could switch it off… I don’t like when we argue I just sometimes feel like I’m not heard enough on how I feel about certain situations
Garrett MaguireGarrett Maguire
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 35w
Hi there. Well I would say, the thoughts will come and go, but you don't have to react to them. "We can't control our thoughts,but, we can control how we react to them". Then I would work on the fears and only address them through ERP.
sunflowerjovsunflowerjov
- Date posted
- 35w
@Garrett Maguire How do I not let it bother me when it’s a constant trigger the main thing is her… she controls everything how he visits his daughter etc she’s not allowed at our house because of me she doesn’t want her to know me cos she’s selfish… I have kids of my own I’m a very good mother his other kids love me
Yup157Yup157
- Date posted
- 35w
I don't wanna assume but I have a feeling you want the relationship to work so much that ur fear is getting in the way. That's totally normal, can you clarify what you overthinking about?
sunflowerjovsunflowerjov
- Date posted
- 35w
@Yup157 Over think about almost everything Him cheating… him going back with his ex wife… finding someone better… we have a very strong connection I love him unconditionally never felt this way towards anyone before so yes fear of losing him is huge on my mind… constantly wondering if he’s talking to other girls etc why my mind does this
Yup157Yup157
- Date posted
- 35w
@sunflowerjov I bet ur such a good and beautiful human inside and out. If it happens then it happens that's just how it is. I was having the same problem as you and ngl I still kinda am but I'm working on it. I used to make my girlfriend wear hoodies and baggy clothes but all that did was make her said and shit I was controlling her just so one guy didn't even look at her. I know it was horrible, and I felt so guilty that I tried everything. But in reality I was trying to stop things that I can't control. If a guy looks at her back end and stuff so what? I'm not gonna go promoting guys to look but guys will be guys and that goes for your situation too. Everyone things of a situation where they get cheated on as a bad thing. But if my girlfriend who I love ever so much cheats on me, I'm taking that as a blessing, she clearly isn't the right one. U just gotta relize what a beautiful person you are and stop worrying about something that didn't even happen. I know I talked a lot about myself but I thought it would help you a little. Anything else you wanna get off ur chest? I'm here
sunflowerjovsunflowerjov
- Date posted
- 35w
@Yup157 I can’t stop overthinking every little thing in a relationship, I question every text message, every action, and if the other person means what they say. My mind goes in a loop making me more panicked and it’s really bad and self destructive because it causes me to constantly push the other person away, this is exactly how I am when it comes to him… he’s a private person I get that… but when he messages his ex about his daughter the one i can’t even get to know cos she’s a control freak he has to go to her house to see his daughter or I have to leave for her to come to our place it’s very annoying and it causes arguments
sunflowerjovsunflowerjov
- Date posted
- 35w
@sunflowerjov The main issue is the ex wife… she controls where he can see their daughter and I’m Now in the picture we are married so I’m like how am I going to ever get to know her when you have to go there and it just frustrates me and think I over think that this is how she wants it so she can break us up or what not
Yup157Yup157
- Date posted
- 35w
@sunflowerjov It's okay trust me, is the ex nice or clearly giving a bad attitude towards you in any way?
sunflowerjovsunflowerjov
- Date posted
- 35w
@Yup157 She doesn’t want to meet me or have her child around me
Yup157Yup157
- Date posted
- 35w
@sunflowerjov That ex sound fun to be around huh lol. She clearly is a control freak by how u described her but if anything I wouldn't think about the cheating. Who would wanna date someone or be engaged to someone who clearly controls everything. Girl ur fine, just by reading these messages I can say ur 10000% in the safe zone. Ur husband just wants to see his daughter and most likely doesn't get to often with these controls. If u haven't already maybe you could talk to him and ask him to bring you up in convos just as an introduction and work ur way up from there. He's the father which is just as an important role in that daughter's life and it's not fair that the ex gets to make all the decisions. You've got this 💪
Yup157Yup157
- Date posted
- 35w
@Yup157 The best thing I can think of is have ur husband talk to the wife and make her realize he can make decisions too. And does him and his ex have any type of legal agreement to the children? For my divorced parents they had to split me between houses
sunflowerjovsunflowerjov
- Date posted
- 35w
@Yup157 When I bring it up to him he gets upset frustrated with me cos I’ve brought it up to many times
WorryBrainWorryBrain
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 35w
Hi-I hear you. When I feel this I do my erp in relationship fears. Practicing it with my therapist has created a loving relationship with me and my hubby
Garrett MaguireGarrett Maguire
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 35w
The thoughts will bother you of course.....but your job, is to not interact with them......let them come and go, but do nothing with them.,.....the only interaction you should have with them is through ERP
sunflowerjovsunflowerjov
- Date posted
- 35w
@Garrett Maguire Thank you I’m going to try my hardest to not let it get to me anymore and try the therapy
Garrett MaguireGarrett Maguire
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 35w
@sunflowerjov Remember they will upset you...a lot at first but the less you try to answer them the easier it will get ❤️
Related posts
Mazy420
- Date posted
- 24w
Advice on this situation 😭
I’m at a loss about what to do. I’ve been with my partner for about a year. I’ve wanted to be with him for 3 years and now I finally have him, I got out of a really toxic 11 year relationship about 4 years ago so I’ve had plenty of time to heal, things where going so great at first in our relationship and I’m still very much happy with him, I love him more than anything, but the past 5 6 months I’ve been having a constant fear that he’s gonna cheat or watch 🌽behind my back any chance he gets , I know that’s a touchy subject for some, but me personally it just makes me feel that I’m not attractive enough,or feel like I’m not good enough, I’ve never found evidence of cheating, and I’ve found 🌽 in his history once but I told him how I felt and he told me he understood how I felt and wouldn’t do it again,and I know the constant asking everyday and needing for reassurance with it is putting a tear in our relationship, I just want to fix it. Does anyone have any advice on how to redirect my brain whenever I start overthinking about it when I’m not around him? It just puts so much stress on me when I’m not around him cause I’m just constantly in my head about it.
Gmoki
- Date posted
- 22w
Relationship
I feel so bad I overthink abt everything my bf says and does. I think that if he doesn’t say x y z when I want reassurance then he must’ve stopped caring or is tired of me. I know it’s not the truth and he gives me NO reason to think this way. This is my first healthy relationship and I want to be in each others lives forever. I love him so much and I’m trying my hardest to manage these thoughts but I’m so anxious. It’s so draining I feel helpless and like I can’t go a day without checking his social medias. I want us to be the best versions of ourselves for eachother but idk where to start or how to manage this feeling.
cam123
- Date posted
- 22w
Stressing about my relationship
Me and my boyfriend have only been together for a short period of time....and he's head over heels for me...at least he says so. All the time I'm so scared he's going to break up with me or any time something is uncomfortable I shut down and think I did something or he's thinking about me in a negative way and I don't know how to stop it. He doesn't do anything to seem like he wants to break up with me, but any time he does something a little different then normal I immediately think of the worst. If he's being really quiet I'll be thinking *is he going to break up with me* *does he not want to be with me* *is he just hanging out with me right now because he wants a girlfriend to pass the time* all of that stuff. And honestly I'm so scared..... because what if my thoughts are true?
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond