Relationship ocd

@Someone99 What would you suggest to help me let go of this thought/feeling?

@l_the_meowmeow_l Make sure you can identify OCD thoughts vs not. The OCD ones will typically cause anxiety and a feeling to do something about it, or research, figure it out. Then you need to learn to not react to those. It's now easy because it's different than what we're used to. I learned a couple tools in ERP that help, I'll gladly share with you.

@Someone99 I would love some tips but I’m also worried that I might just be self diagnosing to make myself feel better but the add I saw for this is exactly how I feel and I just really don’t want to feel this way anymore. I also have been dissociating a lot to the point I feel disconnected from everything, is that normal?

@Someone99 Also I’m sorry I’m asking a lot of questions

@l_the_meowmeow_l I don't mind the questions at all. :-) I'm certainly not an expert, but I'll gladly help in any way. One thing I heard from a fairly accomplished person in relationship counseling, sometimes we focus too much on finding someone we love and not enough on finding someone willing to love us. Your op seems to fit that a little bit. Sounds like this young man is a good guy. So consider how you can grow through this. Is there trust issues, something in your past you need healing and nurturing, etc. We all bring "stuff" with us. It may or may not be OCD. You are in a phase in life where there is a lot going on. Changes ahead of you with college decisions, etc. So yes, be careful about self diagnosing. Focus also on the question of whether a commitment is something you're ready for and willing to give. It's ok if you're not. Communication with him is very important to avoid the hurt. Love is risky. And focus on your values as well.

@l_the_meowmeow_l Can I ask more about you're feeling like universe is tearing you apart?

@Someone99 We communicate very well and I am being very careful with self diagnosing but also I came here bc it seemed people were dealing with the same thing as me and originally I thought I was just crazy honestly:”) but anyways I am definitely ready to commit, but there also always the worry that I might be missing out on others and other things he is my first everything and I want him to be my last, but rn sometimes I’ll just lose interest or dissociate out of reality so bad that I can’t even recognize myself- and I’m really scared that it’s linked to him bc I do not wanna live a life without him, I’ve known him for 8 yrs and dated him for 2 and just randomly one morning I woke up and felt disconnected completely from him, and I want to fix it.

@Someone99 Well I feel like everything has a reason and everything is connected which is not what i wanna be thinking rn so for example I kept seeing tik toks abt breaking up and so im scared that thats the universe telling me not to be with him, but also me as a person wants to fight that bc i love him, but now idk and i feel like im trapping him and he loves me sm and im just hurting him or gonna hurt him in the end- but im also selfish and want him idek i feel fucking crazy and disgusted with myself for even thinking a life with out him

@l_the_meowmeow_l Something that you'll learn over time is that being in love and being with the right person doesn't mean you'll never have thoughts like that, "maybe I'm missing something", or that you'll not find anyone else attractive. Love is a choice, much more than a feeling. More like "wow, that person is really attractive and seems awesome in every way, but I chose the man I love". Or "we're having a big disagreement about this, but I chose the man I love". Feelings same and temptations will always be there, it's the choices we make that lead to a life long relationship. What you're experiencing is what we all do, there's nothing abnormal about it. 🙂

@l_the_meowmeow_l I meant, feelings wane and temptations will always be there...

@l_the_meowmeow_l So, do you choose this young man? If so, let's work on those intrusive thoughts. 🙂

@Someone99 Yes, i definitely choose him

@l_the_meowmeow_l Good. Lots of changes happen throughout a life time commitment. Sometimes you may find yourselves not liking each other very much through challenges. But in the end the choice you make to love each other is what will make it last. Love is a choice, and also a verb, an action. It's what we do for someone else.

@l_the_meowmeow_l The thought that the universe is pulling you apart. Thought ls like this can be dealt with by allowing the uncertainty. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, you just don't know, you're not responsible to find out either. And separate from these type of thoughts. I visualize this a couple ways, sometimes by placing the thought on a table in front of me like it's an unwanted pest, and just letting it there. It'll taunt sometimes, but don't react, or just say "yeah, sure, ok..." Allowing it isn't necessarily agreeing with it. The other way is by visualizing the thought written on the sail of a sailboat passing by, it's there, but it'll only be there until it passes by. And it will. Don't research it, just let it pass by. And no tik tok videos! :-)

@l_the_meowmeow_l I hope your day is going well today. 🙂

@Someone99 Thank you so very much and same to you, and i deleted tik tok recently so im safe from that, and i have been trying to remember its just a thought it just feels so real

@l_the_meowmeow_l You're very welcome. I'm older, married 31 years and counting, and we've been through a lot over those years, so I'm speaking from personal experience. It seems so real because your brain is reacting to it as if it is. That's why we do compulsions and all, because our brain reacts as if we're in danger or in a state of urgency over something that doesn't really exist. It's like the reaction when someone throws something at your face and you just react to block it without thinking. But we can "teach" our brains to think in a healthy way, which I think is really cool.

@l_the_meowmeow_l And I'll always be here to talk. 🙂

@Someone99 So your relationship survived this? I’m scared that I’m losing feelings for my partner but I can still see a future with him and I live out pasted just right now I can’t seem to enjoy anytime with him bc I just end up feel a lot of anxiety/ feeling panic bc I keep thinking abt how I feel

@l_the_meowmeow_l And I just keep thinking and thinking and thanking and idk what to do

@l_the_meowmeow_l Yeah, we decided to make our relationship last.

@l_the_meowmeow_l So take a moment to just breathe. I have a link to a meditation video if you'd like? We can agree it's not something he's giving you reason to feel this way. He's not abusive or cheating, or nasty to you, so calm you mind. You don't need to react to these thoughts, that's one thing OCD makes us believe that we need to react. You don't. Separate from them and allow yourself to calm you mind.

@l_the_meowmeow_l And please don't beat yourself up over this. It's not your "fault". Don't even allow that language in to this. I've heard somewhere out minds receive millions of bits of information, yet can only process a few hundred at a time. You're ok, you're perfect the way you are. :-)

@Someone99 I would like that link and how did you keep your relationship? Also Ik he’s not the problem that’s why I’m so upset I feel that I am the problem bc one day my brain just decided to detach

@l_the_meowmeow_l We kept our relationship by being brutally honest with each other, knowing that ending the relationship was not an option. We have many years together, raised 2 kids...so yeah, it was worth it, and is worth it. :-)

@l_the_meowmeow_l https://youtu.be/phm_VPjijh8?feature=shared

@l_the_meowmeow_l The guys voice is interesting. Hopefully it'll help you maybe before bedtime or anytime. Just to release a little bit. You don't need to feel the burden of responsibility for all this.