Advice needed: OCD is destroying my college apps

I don’t know what to do. I’ve had OCD for over a decade, but it has never impacted my studies prior to high school. I’ve been an honors student my whole life and have never felt as stressed as I do now. Freshman year, I took trigonometry/calc A, honors English, accelerated biology, AP world history, AP computer science principles, and Chinese three. I didn’t have issues with any of the classes until second semester. I developed a compulsion where I had to rewrite things until my handwriting was neat and orderly. Soon, assignments that involved a lot of writing were taking twice as long because I would have to rewrite things until my handwriting met my standards. I fell into executive dysfunction and quickly fell behind in all of my classes. I ended up with A in every class except for calc A, but that was arguably my most important grade because I’m planning of double majoring in computer science and biochemistry, making my math grade crucial. Sophomore year, circumstances improved because my stress levels decreased. I reviewed calc a over the summer and passed AP calc bc with an A- and my other classes (honors English, accelerated chemistry, consumer education, AP computer science A, and AP Chinese) with an A. Things were looking good. This is year is my junior year, and my stacking was multivariable, AP lang, accelerated physics, AP psych, financial accounting, mobile apps. I ended up dropping multi just because I did not have high hopes of getting a good grade and switched to AP biology. Everything was fine for a few weeks, but little did I know that there was another killer lurking in the midst: accelerated physics. Prior to this year, the school only offered regular physics and AP physics 1 & 2, which is hands down the hardest course the school offers and takes up 1.5 periods. The school offered an accelerated course this year that only takes up 1 period but will still give you a good foundation if you want to take AP physics C senior year. However, the course covers 85% of the material from AP 1 & 2 but in 67% of the time, which actually makes it harder. The mental issues I faced during calc A resurfaced, and I fell into executive dysfunction again. Things got better, but I ended up having to drop mobile apps because I didn’t build a good foundation for the final project. This was devastating because prior to this year, I was one of the top coders in the grade. I’m so lost right now. I planned on applying to colleges like UIUC, UChicago, and Northwestern, but now all they’re gonna see are a B in calc A and accelerated physics and drop in mobile apps (I dropped multi before it could make it onto my transcript). I don’t think I’ve ever hated myself so much. Good news though, I’m getting therapy to prevent a repeat of this next year. I’m just worried it might be too late. Is there any way that I can save my college apps?

zacharyabberton

Date posted: 35w

I may not be the best person to answer this, so take this with a grain of salt. However, as someone finishing their university degree this year, I think what I is happening here is that you or more specifically the OCD is putting FAR too much weight on perfection in academics. AP classes, which I had taken, allow you accreditation (depending on the university), but are not this end-all be-all of acceptance into university. What I will say is: 1) “Too late” is when you’re dead. If you’re alive and breathing, “too late” doesn’t exist and doesn’t concern you. 2) While your grades may not be exactly where you wanted them to be, they are very much still above average and have set you up well for university. 3) With the coding specific concern, I would note that college admissions are concerned more so with GPA and extra curricular activities. Particularly, while you ended up dropping the class, you could still go ahead with the final project and include it within your application, which admissions would be more than happy to take a look at. 4) With OCD, the issue at hand isn’t that your concern is invalid, but rather the concern traps itself within a loop that causes exponential distress. I can tell you right now based on the information you’ve provided you’re more than fine in regard to applying for these colleges. Keep in mind that situations like these exist throughout college (and life in general) and that you won’t always accomplish the desired outcome; the elephant in the room is that this is true for everyone and everything. People constantly and consistently don’t achieve the desired outcome and colleges know this. What colleges, and everyone else, are concerned with is whether or not you’re trying for the desired outcome and are getting close, which you’ve proven thus far with your academic history. 5) Whether or not you recognize it right now, you’ve accomplished far more than you think. One of my teachers told me “The person you should be the kindest and most loving towards is yourself, because you’re the person that will be with you the longest, from beginning to end.” A thought is a thought, action is action. You’ve proven you’re more than capable to take on challenges; please remember that the next time you feel that it’s “too late.” You’ve got this :)

moomoo22

Date posted: 23w

pls reply if you have help

i am a freshman in college and i have always struggled with depression, anxiety, and OCD. i have never received help for my OCD despite being medicated for my other two issues. i have noticed that what most of my panic stems from is my OCD and more specifically my OCD around school. i haven’t been able to get myself up for class for multiple days and im starting to panic about everything im missing and think about every little thing i have to fix. i am so behind that it makes me want to panic and i feel like i cant fix this. i just want my mind to feel normal but it feels like my whole world is falling apart all because i am feeling stuck in school. please help me i just want to feel okay but i dont know how to. i have tried doing all the assignments i can do to catch up but it isn’t enough i still feel so panicked

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21w

Without therapy for months . Please help. Please

I had to cancel my therapy because it was no longer available with my insurance. And I just kind of feel hopeless with OCD. Even when I was doing therapy, I think my OCD started getting too complicated for my therapist and she didn’t even know what to do. My fears are so complex it’s crazy. So my big fear is my OCD being bad and being super depressed again like I was a few months ago in high school. I attended a public highschool for a semester and started the worst flare up I’ve ever had. I was harshly bullied for no reason whatsoever, and not accepted by anyone. I am an athletic kid who usually keeps to himself so I didn’t understand why people targeted me, especially when I wanted nothing to do with them. From August to now ( March) I CANNOT grasp hold of my OCD. I am very hard on myself about it. Going into dangers anytime I see one so I can expose myself. But constantly obsessing about if I’m doing enough for my OCD. And comparing myself to how I use to be, before the flare ups. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I’m obsessing about my OCD and if it’s bad and comparing. Another HUGE fear of mine is being treated differently because I have OCD. So being bullied for so long I always assumed it was because I was shy and didn’t want to stand up for myself - due to my OCD- so I blamed myself for everything that continued to happen, . from people bullying me in the past . The people at that highschool were downright crazy. Even the teachers and coaches had major issues and I’m so glad to be out of there, but I still obsess the same everyday and hold so much resentment for that school and when I try to let it go, I just feel more passive pain and obsess even more about it weather my ocd is okay or not. I feel mentally sick. Please someone give me some advice for my fears, because I feel like I’m doing everything in my power to expose myself to everything but nothings working.

Adi7

Date posted: 17w

Advice please ❤️

Hi ❤️ I’m really struggling right now I’m in my sophomore year of Highschool and I’ve finally started planning or thinking abt my future (for context I was extremely depressed and suicidal from 6-9th grade) After conquering my depression this is a huge leap for me and I’m proud of myself ❤️ But there’s something still holding me down :( and I’m not sure what to do anymore that thing is OCD. Since 6th grade I have had strong and invasive intrusive thoughts all the time they scare me so bad and make me feel as though I’m not even real anymore :( I’m sick of taking the time to do ridiculous compulsions to rid or ease these thoughts it’s a waste of time and energy and it hurts me so bad I feel like I will never get to just live my life without this :( How can I plan my future when I can’t even find myself in this mess of anxiety 💔 I’m so tired of fighting my mental health it’s been years from anxiety attacks to sh to survived suicide attempts (I got help dw❤️‍🩹) and recovery there. Just to be thrown into a storm of awful scary sickening thoughts day and night-when can I just be a normal teenager and possibly a happy adult? How do I conquer this so I can love myself to the fullest and live my life free and happy? :( ❤️❤️‍🩹 I’m so scared to talk to my parents about it I’m ashamed of my thoughts and every time I bring it up they just say I shouldn’t be diagnosing myself or it’s just ADHD. It really really hurts me they have no idea how awful this feels and it makes me feel so alone sometimes 💔

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Advice needed: OCD is destroying my college apps

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