- Date posted
- 37w
Is this rocd? Or am i in denial and lying? Scared!
Pls help me…This is long but i need urgent help..So my partner and i were on the verge of breaking up today and this is because i lied to him about something of the past where in the early days of our relationship i came back home and played a drinking game with a few of my friends where i made it clear i have a bf but also answered a sexual question with some guys name from that group not thinking too much cause i found him cute in the past but never did want anything to do about it and then i didnt mention this to my bf till today and he felt one extremely mad and that i cheated on him in a way and lied and was guilty and all i could think was yes i did find him cute and wanted his validation in the past and maybe even when i took his name for that question and never told my bf cause i was scared and it was true and that doesnt seen ocd its an actual action that caused this which means one not anxious intrusive thought and second actual feeling and action if validation and then i told my bf it was a mistake and all that but then that again means its not true and i was scared to tell him yes i liked that validation and he would leave me and he told me this that he would so because i was scared to be alone i said no pls dont and said i will change just to say and that j dont care enough just dont want to he alone and still liked that validation so this is not rocd right? I am in denial and not accepting that i am not okay and a bad person and scared to accept to self and bf cause then will breakup but if feel so and does so it already means so just delaying and will worsen? And also once before wr started dating but were together went out partying with my friends and this guy was there just cause he liked me and i made it clear i am with someone seriously and he didn’t try anything as such but still fed me a french fry and i ate it and my bf had a huge problem with it and i dont remember but i also might have fed him a french fry but i told the first half latter i dont remember and with the first one also i lied and here too and if so said my bf will not be with me and it doesnt matter to me enough but i still was okay with that validation and gave him an energy so that he could feed me a fry and maybe i did too and still lying about it cause my energy felt open to others and means it was and this is me getting people to condone this action by saying its ocd where its not and i am guilty and lying and cause otherwise why would i want his attention in the first place to begin with and eat a fry and later be okay with the idea to go for a party where he might be and just tell my bf nothing will happen to tell him cause then he will get scared but actually okay with that validation and actually is so and not a lie but actual actions so might even escalate and cheat in the future and do and say things to calm my bf dowb but otherwise actually want attention from other men and so not scared so cant be ocd actually doing so and asking to be told okay when know its not and making it ocd cause scared to accept its denial and its not and just cant accept i cant be with one person and like validation so much might cheat and these are not anxious thoughts but actually my actions so cant be ocd and is not right? Pls pls help me!!! And pls tell me the truth. I dont wanna accept this so making it ocd