In researching trans people and their experiences, I come across a lot of people who didn't want to be trans but gradually accepted it and felt better. I don't particularly want to be trans, or to live my life as the opposite gender, but I'm really worried I'm just delaying the inevitable.
I'm nonbinary, I've always loved trans people, but never really had an opinion on myself being it. Eventually, out of nowhere I was hit with dysphoria in 2020, and I decided it was time for me to come out/express my emotions to my partner + some others. Gender is cool because at the end of the day, it doesn't need to be as excruciating and serious as some take it. Try different pronouns like a hat for a little, try it on yourself in the mirror. You don't need to change a thing about your physical appearance, you can just see how you feel even referring to yourself as such. Don't like it? Then you can stop! I remember I was feeling horrible one night, I didn't want this, I wanted to be "normal". Deep down i knew the root of my own problem. I whispered "i am a woman", and immediately felt sick to my stomach. It was a huge turning point for me. After I had come out and started publicly using different pronouns (they/she), I noticed people would keep purposefully using she over anything else. That was it for me, I felt so uncomfortable, I felt upset, I felt angry and then I realized, there's no turning back for me anymore. Being that upset over something like that solidified what I needed to be brave and comfortable about and accepting this part of me. I didn't want to live my life out as you said either, but after accepting my emotions and feelings, I've never felt happier. If you can, try to minimize the "problem" for yourself. Your relationship with your gender only needs to be between you and yourself. I don't take it seriously anymore, I understand in the future maybe I'll turn around and feel okay as a woman, maybe I'll keep being nonbinary, maybe I'll delve into being a man, who knows? It's not a big deal to me, and i don't care what anyone else has to say about it in my family or in my friendships. Their opinions on this matter are irrelevant, the only person you should care about is you here. Take your time, there's no rush.
I think one more important thing is regardless of your gender, pronouns, sex, whatever, you are still you. You will still have your personality, your heart, your brain. I am still the same person I was before I came out. I'll be me no matter what. I didn't change my looks much, i don't dress accordingly to whatever people think I should dress like. I didn't stop doing things I love, or lose my interests. I just do what I like and feel more confident, tis all. Everyone's different, but it's things I wish I knew when I was going through it. If it is indeed ocd related, erp kind of asks the question "okay so what if? What then? What will happen if this all hypothetically becomes true?" For me and many others that answer was "uh nothing i guess lol im just happy now, even if it was scary at first" If you're scared about people in your life leaving you over this, 1. They probably don't deserve you anyways, regardless of gender 2. Worst case is you don't need to tell them shit, especially if you think it's an ocd confession. I didn't tell any one anything until I kind of knew something had to change for me to keep living. Live for you, don't let ocd take your fears and run wild
@CalicoTiramisu AND ONE MORE THING. Sorry, I'm really passionate about this. I want to emphasize, if it makes you that uncomfortable, then don't feel any pressure to do things you don't want. Tell your ocd to fuck off and breathe for a bit. If you're that against the idea, maybe it really isn't for you. I just encourage everyone to loosen up a bit when it comes to this stuff and keep an open mind. To me, it was a big deal until it wasn't. Life is short, enjoy yourself in any way you see fit. Hope any of this was helpful in easing your mind.
@CalicoTiramisu I've tried the things you said, like pronouns or clothes or shaving and etc. Every time they make me feel sick to my stomach and embarrassed, so I stop. But the doubt is *so* persistent, and it feels like I'm wrong when I say I don't like it. I feel like I'm lying or just not doing it the right way. My therapist and my trans friends say it's just OCD but I'm so afraid that they're wrong.
@Anonymous Well, if you tried, didn't like it, makes you uncomfortable, and now you're basically repulsed by the whole thing and still so scared you're somehow actually into it, doesn't that sound like OCD? I'm under a somewhat firm belief that most people with OCD understand that what they feel isn't an accurate reflection of themselves. But it sends you into a constant spiral because you keep thinking "but wait, what if?" I think you really just need to say "no, i actually am cis. I've gone through my what ifs, I've tried things out, being a different gender just isn't me. I had an open mind to trying, it didn't work out. This is just who I am" The nature of ocd is to ruminate on the same what ifs and creating doubts based on those. I'm still trying to understand my own, but i guess it the small answer to our astronomical feelings and anxiety really is just "be quiet I'm trying to relax" It'll be hard some days, it'll suck others, and some days it might come a little easier. That's just what I feel like I've learned in my journey. As I said, taking baby steps to minimize the value of the problem to yourself may be helpful. I think you should give yourself props for even trying things out.
@CalicoTiramisu You're right of course, and I appreciate it. You get it though: having OCD about it always brings back that "but wait, what if..." feeling. I find it's hard to let go because being trans isn't bad or wrong, it's just not for me. It feels weird to turn something down that I think is great for a lot of people, but it just isn't me
@Anonymous I asked friends to use different pronouns for me once, but I felt so awful and bad that I took it back within the day.
@Anonymous Sorry, i got super sick and forgot to reply. First I did exactly what I said and kept things to myself until I felt uncomfortable. I mainly just told my partner first because I knew something was up, and then kind of changed my online presence, the gaming community im a part of is generally super open about gender expressions. It made me feel like if i didn't like it i could just switch back and no one would bat an eye. If it makes you feel awful it's probably not for you.
I've been really overwhelmed with thoughts of detransitioning even though I don't want to like thinking I'm not a boy. It's been making my anxiety go up like crazy but I've never had this problem this much before, and I've always felt so proud of who I was and stuff but I don't know why this is coming up all of a sudden and I'm scared. I don't want to detransition but these thoughts won't go away. I often have feminine interests and have been trying to get into a better mindset and I feel like those things are making me feel more feminine and I don't want to feel that way.
I just recently kind of was getting over my Constant spiral of “am I a lesbian or bi?”(im a lesbian) and now I’ve been tackled by “am I trans” even tho I’ve never questioned my gender ever, I love being a woman, and I never thought I’d ever be dealing with this since I’ve always been so sure of being a woman, anybody else?
I'm starting testosterone soon and suddenly I'm feeling more anxious about regret and being wrong. I was on reddit (that was my first mistake) and a post popped up on my feed and it was a cis woman saying she did some soul searching and realized she wasn't a trans man after all. she said that she was a tomboy growing up and dealt with trauma that she needed to detach from. it shook me a bit and now I'm scared that I'm making the wrong choice. does anyone have any tips to get rid of this constant doubt?
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