OCD is crazy man lmfao

I've had a recent traumatic event in my family intensify my OCD as of a little over a month ago, and I think I've had it for most of my life and was able to get by, but now it's lowkey been consuming my life. The shape-shifting it's doing is wild too. It feels like a slot machine of subtypes and my OCD picking what it feels like ruminating about. Like I feel like I'm going insane sometimes ngl. It started out with like harm ocd, and it's shifted to suicidal ocd, existential ocd, schizophrenic ocd, psychosis ocd, then somatic ocd, religion ocd, and health concern ocd and probably others too tbh And as of tonight I'm having depersonalization/derealization symptoms to where I feel like things aren't real which I haven't really experienced before. I started Paxil a few days ago, so who knows if that is causing part of it. I'm kind of just trying to laugh it off, like idk if that makes me insane or not, but just like laughing at all of the shape shifting anxiety and ocd is doing to me and my thoughts. Like in the back of my head I'm like am I manic, or like why am I laughing at this feeling but I'm just going to try and accept these feelings and emotions as they are. I just thought I'd share my thoughts and feelings - and if anyone has experienced the shape shifting that ocd can cause lmk. I'm gonna try and sleep this off lol

Anonymous

Date posted: 34w

I have the same feeling and it’s very scary. I had a lot of harm done on my body by things I can’t control and still thought I was okay. I don’t have insurance so I can’t talk to my therapist. I hurt few friends one in particular. I have to learn how to live with that regret.. I have to let a little seep in at a time around trusted people. Otherwise Im scared the monster will start getting really big really quickly.

Jetzor

Date posted: 34w

Yup, this has been my passed 3 weeks. HarmOCD latched this spring (I've had other themes before but only found out I have OCD this summer) and in november started doing ERP myself while my therapist is sick. Was doing really well with it so OCD probably got a bit pissed and then just started throwing all themes at me, it drove me crazy! Somatic OCD is the one latching currently and it really threw me for a loop cause it made me confused about what kind of exposures to do. With every new theme OCD and anxiety tells me this is the one, the one that's gonna break you. It throws me back, relapsing. I realised however that all of it is OCD and it's desperately throwing spaghetti at the wall seeing what sticks. There are core fears underneath which actually cause all the anxiety (fear of losing control over mind/body, fear of never getting my life back) and those core fears remain the same no matter what theme OCD throws at me. I'm trying to figure out how to address these core fears at the moment and also exposing myself a bit to them. Applying full acceptance knowing that OCD will keep searching and trying until I accept doubt in these core fears is the key I guess. Meanwhile I'm determined to just live my life and not avoiding, dealing with my anxiety along the way and indeed laughing at it, shugging my shoulders at it as much as I can. Also started journaling daily and ordered some books about OCD which I'm excited to read (Rewire the OCD brain and You are not a rock). FYI I'm not on any medication but will consult with my therapist as soon as she returns about this. It's a hell of a thing that OCD monster but I'm gonna run towards it, chipping away at it's value one day at a time.

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