A Letter to my Health OCD

Take a deep breath. These words are not just about a list of fears; they’re about the journey you’ve been on, the emotional weight you’ve carried, and the intense anxiety that has shaped so much of your life. Every one of these fears is a reflection of how deeply your anxiety takes hold of you, how real and overwhelming it feels in the moment, and how exhausting it is to live with that constant sense of dread. Each time, you were certain something catastrophic was happening. You felt it in your body, in your chest, and in every thought that spiraled out of control. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t true; in those moments, it was so real, and that fear gripped you like a vice. It wasn’t just unease—it was total consumption. You were in a constant battle with your mind, desperately trying to calm the storm, to find an answer. And the truth is, you were looking for certainty in places where there were none. This is the nature of Health OCD—it convinces you that unless you have an absolute answer, you can never stop fearing the worst. Your mind wouldn’t let you rest, wouldn’t let you be okay with “I don’t know.” It demanded answers immediately, putting a pressure on you that no one should ever have to face. How badly you wanted to silence the fear with an answer that would give you peace. You spent hours in front of the mirror, scrutinizing every freckle, every mole, every change in your skin. You were looking for reassurance—so much reassurance. You went to the dermatologist, hoping that would ease your mind, but it didn’t quiet the anxiety. You couldn’t stop thinking about your breasts, and so you went for exams over and over, convinced that each ache meant something was wrong. Every time, nothing was wrong, but the anxiety remained. Your mind kept searching for something to hold onto, something that could confirm the worst. And the cycle continued. It’s exhausting. It feels like wasted time, like you’ve been robbed of peace. But the truth is, this isn’t your fault. This is how your brain is wired, and it’s a battle you didn’t choose. Then, there were the panic attacks. The moments when fear took on a life of its own. You’d wake up in the middle of the night, heart racing, convinced something was seriously wrong, and the fear would take over—physically, mentally, emotionally. Your body would shake uncontrollably, you’d throw up from the intensity of the fear, your chest would tighten, and you’d feel like you couldn’t breathe. You rushed to urgent care, terrified of everything—your veins, your heart, your chest, your head. You were certain that something terrible was just around the corner, but each time, you were told it was nothing. And yet, in the frantic search for certainty, your mind couldn’t accept that. You feared even the smallest things—a cough, a sore throat—convinced that they meant something major. You couldn’t escape those thoughts, no matter how hard you tried. Your mind latched onto every symptom, every feeling, twisting it into something catastrophic. It was like taking one small thing and amplifying it into an overwhelming, undeniable certainty. It was exhausting. The pressure never let up, making everything feel like a matter of life or death, when in reality, it wasn’t. But anxiety doesn’t see it that way, and that’s what makes it so difficult. Looking back, it’s easy to feel like you’ve wasted so much time. So many hours spent on Google, reading forums, searching for answers that your brain desperately needed. But hear this: you weren’t wasting time. Your brain was in overdrive, trying to protect you in the only way it knew how. It was searching for anything that could offer peace. It didn’t know how to sit with uncertainty, how to tolerate the discomfort of not knowing. And that’s where the spiral began. But this isn’t your failure. This is something you’re living with, something that makes life harder, but it doesn’t define you. Health OCD is real, and it’s okay to acknowledge that this is a huge struggle. The truth is, you made it through. You’ve done it. You’ve faced those terrifying, suffocating fears, and you are still here. You’ve survived every wave of panic, even when you thought you wouldn’t. You have always made it through, even when it felt unbearable. That is no small thing. You are tired. You’ve lost time to fear, time spent searching for reassurance. It’s frustrating to feel like so much energy has been spent on things that never happened. But please don’t be hard on yourself. This is a battle you didn’t choose, and you’ve done the best you could. This is hard, and it’s okay to acknowledge how hard it is. The fear doesn’t define who you are. Your anxiety is not who you are. You are so much more than these thoughts and feelings. The next time the anxiety comes, when the panic creeps in and your brain starts searching for certainty again, come back to this truth: You’ve been through it before. You’ve made it through every time. Each wave of fear, each moment when you thought it would never end, has passed. You survived it. And you’ll survive it again. You don’t need to know everything right now. You don’t need all the answers. It’s okay to sit with uncertainty. The fear you feel is not a sign that something bad will happen. It’s just anxiety, and it will pass. You’ve got this. You’ve already proven how strong you are. You’ve already shown yourself that you can handle it, even when it feels impossible. So now, it’s time to let go of the shame, the doubt, and the endless search for answers. You are enough as you are, right now, in this moment, with all the uncertainty. You’ve faced fear before, and you’ll face it again—stronger, wiser, and more capable than ever. Each time you’ve made it through, you’ve built resilience. And this time, you’ll stand even taller. You are capable. You are stronger than you know. And you are never alone in this.

Health Concern OCD

malmal8

Date posted: 34w

I needed to hear this so bad. Thank you

maliaa

Date posted: 26w

Thank you.<{

Ashes2evil

Date posted: 25w

I feel so seen. I feel so validated.

kali<3

Date posted: 24w

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders just by reading this. Thankyou so much

MickW

Date posted: 20w

I really needed this tonight. Thank you for posting this.

mgnpaul

Date posted: 19w

Thank you for this. I don’t feel alone after reading this.

vanoojac

Date posted: 13w

This was amazingly written. After doing interoceptive exposures for a few months to alleviate some of the panic, I am just now realizing how important it is to sit with the uncertainty for each and every unwanted sensation/health concern/health rumination. It’s truly exhausting catching yourself every time you’re doing something to feed your OCD but I’m finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for putting this out there!

vendel

Date posted: 25w

‼️I beat OCD. here are my best tips‼️

❤️we all just want it to be over already, but do not set a deadline for your recovery (e.g. "i give myself 3 months to get better") and let yourself go at your own pace ❤️accept that healing is a very, very non-linear process with highs and very dark lows.. it's a lifelong process for us those with ocd, when you stop suffering you start learning ! ❤️WITHOUT ruminating on this, identify the root of your obsessive themes. they hurt so much because they go after your deepest wounds. clearing out the fear or pain that stands at the base of your obsessions will help (e.g. my sexual ocd came as an emotional outlet for my inability to accept a new family member in my life) (e.g. my solipsism ocd came from the deep fear of being alone and abandoned) ❤️the truth will always surface. even if you have no hope anymore and not even asking for reassurance helps, put that last bit of your trust in the other people that are in good states of mind and who are trying to help you. remember that you're living by a distorted mind and if you can't trust your own brain, have trust in others. those who love you are your life net when you're down in the slumps. trust me. ❤️ocd can be caused by chemical imbalance. if you feel like you need it, don't be reluctant to try medication. it's important to have the correct dose and the correct meds. it may change a lot before finally being effective, but it can help A LOT. it was lifesaving for me. (I personally took 125 mg sertraline at 14 years old) ❤️cliche, but the exposure part of erp is in you already. we get exposed to relentless obsessions and terrors already by our minds, our part is the response prevention. throw yourself into the depths of uncertainty and fear by refusing to act upon your compulsions. any learned behavior can be unlearned, our brains are changing! 🧠 it does feel like we can't risk because we can't "know for sure" and we better be safe than sorry, right? well, screw this. unlearn these behavior and live life your own way. ❤️connect with other people with ocd. community is our pillar as humans, especially those communities who share our suffering. ❤️we tend to ask for reassurance a lot and other just reassure us because it's rational to them, not being aware thar it only causes us more pain as we have distoerted thinking. teach your loved ones to respond to your reassurance in a way that doesn't feed the cycle. (e.g. reassurance seeking- "hey, are you ABSOLUTELY SURE that I didn't hit an animal on the way back home??" ❌️wrong response- "no, you didn't, I already told you, I don't remember hearing or seeing anything!" ✅️better response- "I can see you are really distressed right now, why don't we go cook something together/watch a movie/paint together/etc.." ❤️keep your faith close to you. there is something bigger around us that surrounds us with love and takes care of us. even if you don't believe in a god, spirituality goes beyond religion. for me, this higher being was the sky, and everytime I saw the giant clouds I'd tell myself that they felt my emotions and they're watching over in my suffering. strangely enough, this pillar i built in the clouds was strong and really did give me a helping hand. who's to tell these connections we make are not real?

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

If You Are Really Struggling, This Might Help! 🧡

Common posts on here are "i had a thought" "why am i thinking this" "what if" and these are all OCDs way of making you doubt yourself while taking you round and round in never ending circles at the same time. Regardless of the theme you are facing, there is no "figuring out" or "making sense" of a thought, because it isn't a real situation - it's a passing word or image or scenario without any meaning attached. You can't control your thoughts and the more you "don't want to have them" the more they will appear. For instance, tell yourself not to think about "apples", it will be the first thing that comes to your mind, because that's just how our minds work. Once you categorise a thought as "bad", every time it comes into your mind, your anxiety level will go up and this makes the thought seem real. Because if it "Feels" this bad, surely it must mean something or must have happened - But none of this is true. All we have to do is naturally notice thoughts as they come up, and rather than try to assess or ruminate over the content, we can almost shrug them off. It's the only way to accept thoughts as simply thoughts and nothing more. Anxiety drives the intense feeling and the more attention you give to thoughts, the more power they have over you. No random thought can change your real intentions. OCD is never ever satisfied, so the only way forward is to accept the uncertainty of never knowing "for sure" and to class the unwanted thought as irrelevant. OCD says "quick..bad thought..feels horrible.. what does it mean.. fix it". But in reality there is nothing bad here or nothing to be fixed, it's a false alarm. Once you learn to respond to a thought calmly by working on anxiety, it gets easier over time. It's your perception of your thoughts that needs to change, you believe they mean something about you, but random things pop into our heads all the time - both things we like and things we don't. OCD also latches onto what we care about most and it always comes with a feared consequence, so think about what yours is, e.g "what happens if my worst fear comes true" you can then practice imaginal exposure which is imagining your worst case scenario over and over until you become desensitised to it and no longer fear it - therapists use this technique in sessions. Everyone in the world has thoughts, the thoughts are not the issue, you just get more of what you focus on, up until the point that you can change your attitude towards the thought. If I asked you if you went upstairs today you would have an answer straight away, however if I asked you a question related to your OCD theme, your anxiety would increase and you would doubt yourself, because that's OCD doing the thinking for you. Once you give it less power it becomes a less significant part of your day. It's so easy to give into compulsions as they feel like a "quick fix".. but as I mentioned, ocd is never happy, which is why it wants us to continue to check and seek reassurance. Once you start reducing and gradually stopping compulsions, whether this is rumination, checking, or a physical action (whatever you falsely believe is "keeping you safe" from your feared consequence) you will see it's not necessary to do them, and that the time consuming little things you have taught yourself to do have no effect on what actually happens in real life. Thoughts prompt feelings and feelings prompt actions - meaning - thoughts cause anxiety and anxiety drives unnecessary actions. As a side note, I overcame contamination ocd (I was in a very very bad way and now the theme doesn't bother me anymore). I still have OCD and it can affect me slightly at times, but i can manage it in a way that it doesn't interfere with my day and without the need to carry out compulsions. Please practice, because I promise it helps, it's super scary at first and extremely difficult but the end result is worth it. ERP therapy is also very helpful.

Anonymous

Date posted: 12w

A Year of Climbing Out 🧡

A reflection I never saw myself being able to write✨ One year ago today, I was spiraling for a second time because I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, again. Getting through it once was doable but twice? I truly thought I was losing my mind. OCD wasn’t just a shadow in the background — it was a loud, relentless voice narrating fear, doubt, and compulsions into every corner of my life. I couldn’t trust my thoughts, couldn’t rest in silence. I was questioning everything. I was exhausted coasting through the motions of life trying to survive every minute of every day. But today — I’m here. Still imperfect, still human, but finally free in a way I didn’t think was possible. I got here by learning the hardest, most empowering lesson of my life: I had to stop depending on anyone else to pull me out. I had to stop outsourcing my safety, my certainty, my worth. I had to become the person I could rely on — not in a cold, lonely way, but in the most solid, liberating way possible. You see, healing didn’t come when others gave me reassurance — it came when I stopped needing it. When I realized no one could fight the war in my mind for me. It had to be me. Not because others didn’t care — but because I had to be the one to stop running from fear. I had to choose courage over comfort, again and again. And boy was that rough. But I did. Through therapy, I retrained my brain. (Shout out to Casey Knight🙏🏼) I stopped dancing to OCD’s obsessive rhythm and started rewriting the song. And yeah — the beat dropped a few times. But I kept moving forward. Slowly, I started turning my mind into a place I wanted to live in. I made it beautiful. Not by forcing positive thoughts, but by planting seeds of truth: 🌱 Not every thought deserves attention. 🌱 Discomfort doesn’t mean danger. 🌱 Uncertainty is not the enemy — it’s just part of being alive. I started treating my mind like a garden instead of a battlefield. I let go of perfection and started watering what was real, what was kind, what was mine. And let’s be honest — there were still a few weeds. (Hello, OCD — always trying to “check in.” ) Because healing isn’t linear, I still have days where I feel back to square one, but it’s a day, not a week, month, or another year of surrendering. But here’s the “punny” truth: OCD tried to check me, but I checked myself — with compassion, courage, & a whole lot of practice. To anyone still caught in the spiral — I want you to know: you are not broken. You don’t need to wait for someone else to save you. No else will. The strength you’re looking for? It’s already in you. It might be buried under fear, doubt, and rumination, but it’s there — patient and unbreakable. Start small. Start scared. Just start. Because when you stop relying on the world to reassure you, and start trusting your own ability to face uncertainty, you get something even better than comfort — you get freedom, resilience, power & SO much more. You don’t have to control every thought/urge to have a beautiful mind. You just have to stop believing every thought/urge is the truth. You don’t have to be fearless , you just have to act in spite of fear. You are not crazy You are not a monster You are not evil You are human You are capable And if OCD ever tries to take over again, just smile and say, “Nice try. But not today.” — Someone who came back to life, one brave thought at a time 🧡

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A Letter to my Health OCD

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