- Date posted
- 36w
My OCD is hurting my relationship and it’s awful
I feel like my OCD is hurting my relationship and it’s breaking my heart because I am trying so hard to get over it and be the best partner I can but I am constantly making mistakes. I admit, my OCD keeps coming in the relationship, because I keep bringing up insignificant stuff because my OCD keeps telling me I have to be honest and open and talk to my partner about everything but I worry I am always being much too sensitive. I have a bad problem with always thinking that the way partner is acting might not be good for me or something needs adjusting in some attitude or any time some kind of ‘moodiness’ or anything is being shown towards me I feel like my mind blows it out of proportion. Like I can’t just sit with it and I just hold on to it and address it at some point and try and resolve a situation, not from a place of anger but from a place of trying to be a relationship therapist to myself. And I keep trying as hard as I can to resist that urge but I just can’t. I can’t stop these awful compulsions they are so bad. And I admit I think I really hurt my partner tonight by stepping to the side from a function and bringing up how I feel again about something insignificant. And the worst part is as soon as I did it I felt terrible and really stupid. Like fuck me that’s gotta suck to have a partner like me. I probably wouldn’t be able to stand myself. Like I am in capable of having fun. And I honesty hate to say it but sometimes it feels like I am not ready for a relationship because I am so miserable in one with my OCD. And I have been trying so hard to work on myself but I feel like giving up and leaving so I don’t hurt my partner anymore. It is seriously bad and I feel so terrible because I think this is a really toxic habit I have and I want to break free of it so bad. But it’s a constant up hill battle that I feel like I am never winning. I am seriously in desperate need of some advice. Before I lose my partner for good, because if I were her I would only be able to stand so much of me. I hate doing this compulsive behavior, and then ALWAYS regretting lately, and apologizing and feeling like a fucking idiot loser. I do need some serious help and I feel like an asshole guy. Who is narcissistic and mean, thru my OCD compulsions. I hope this reaches the right person.