Confidentiality

Hello! Does anyone here ever feel like they have to ask people over and over again for confidentiality? I have a lot of people in my life that are part of my recovery and my OCD feels like it needs 100 percent certainty that my info will be kept secret. The thing is a lot of times it is really sensitive info! However, it feels like the more I ask the more I have to keep asking other ppl which clues me in to the fact that it’s not a normal thing. I was wondering if anyone else deals with this?

I’m Batman

Date posted: 37w

Most of us call it reassurance seeking and it’s a common compulsion. There is really no such thing as 100% certainty. You can have like a 99% chance of probability 😁 Tell ocd it can’t have it. Even if someone says well it’s a 100% chance we will die at some point … there’s always that 1% chance someone figures out immortality via some gene editing or something who knows. Good luck !

Anonymous

Date posted: 37w

It sounds like asking for confidentiality is another compulsion. My guess would be that you're asking the same people over and over again to confirm they will keep the information private? The truth is, we don't know that they actually will but the "confirmation" you get when they say they will temporarily gives you relief. Maybe try doing an ERP with not asking because the reality is is that the "confirmation" they won't is not, in fact, any guaranteed confirmation at all and is instead just temporary relief from the discomfort.

Freddy327

Date posted: 37w

@Anonymous That’s what I was thinking too. Like saying “maybe they will say something, maybe they won’t…who knows?”

Freddy327

Date posted: 37w

@Anonymous Also if I’m thinking about my values being honest and trusting others is something I value. I do want to work on trusting people and not my OCD.

Anonymous

Date posted: 37w

@Freddy327 - I think that sounds like a great place to start! I would add too to not let OCD rush you into "proving" you value honesty and trust or "proving" that you deem someone trustworthy by compulsively confiding in people either (because it's pretty likely that OCD will try to switch it up on you if you conquer it on this front). If, unrushed by OCD, you deem someone trustworthy and you want to share something you hope stays confidential, you might be proven wrong someday which is just an unfortunate fact of life sometimes and isn't a reflection of anything more than that. It sounds like you have a great phrase to talk back to OCD with already in mind to remind OCD that you're in charge!

Freddy327

Date posted: 37w

@Anonymous Thanks, yea. I’m a little worried about doing an exposure on this bc I haven’t started ERP yet bc my new therapist is out of town. But I feel like if I don’t start a little bit it will get out of hand more. I just feel like I’ve been asking for so much reassurance. One thing I thought I could do while I’m waiting for a therapist is ask one person for reassurance on the topic- just one and done- and then do exposures

Freddy327

Date posted: 37w

@Freddy327 Then no more asking

Anonymous

Date posted: 37w

@Freddy327 - My therapist has encouraged me, at the beginning, to not try to stop doing compulsions all together yet. As I've continued with ERP, I find more and more that if I give in once, I'm more likely to give in a second time so, for me, I think I'm finally to a point where it's easier to sit with the discomfort the first time because it makes it harder to say no the second or third time (for me personally). It sounds like you have a lot of self-awareness though about your limits and what you can push yourself to do without the support of your new therapist at this point. I would remind yourself that giving in once or twice to a compulsion, doesn't give OCD the right to say anything about you based on that either. When I first started ERP therapy, I would wash my hands for sometimes over 10 minutes at a time. Washing my hands for 4 or 5 minutes at a time is still far more than is needed or reasonable, but my therapist encouraged me that I was taking my power back even if I couldn't stop as soon as I hoped or planned for and I'm continuing to make progress despite taking a step back every now and then. It sounds like you have a great plan in the meantime and will get to the next level with the support of a professional! :)

Freddy327

Date posted: 37w

@Anonymous Thank you! That’s really helpful 😊

I’m Batman

Date posted: 37w

@Anonymous My therapist used a trick like this with me. He called it delaying a compulsion. Even though you still do it, if you delay it a few times it slowly increases your ability to tolerate anxiety. You work your self up to the point where you can skip doing one all together. It really helped me build Up that confidence.

Michie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21w

Please help

Why why WHY do I feel the need to constantly overshare?! It’s making me feel guilty af! If my boyfriend tells me something in confidence but my ocd twists what’s said into some crazy big problem I feel the need to run to my mom for reassurance, it’s getting to the point where he doesn’t trust me not to talk about stuff and I don’t want him to feel like that obviously!! But it’s like I can’t stop! Does anyone else have that? How do you stop it?

K1790

Date posted: 15w

Unsure if OCD sometimes

I was diagnosed with OCD around the age of 6, subtype- contamination primarily. It calmed down as I got older and I assumed it had gone away, but also didn’t realize it can show up in other ways, and it still had been effecting me which I know now. I’m not 31 and I’ve been in therapy for a year and it’s helped a lot, although I sometimes get thoughts that what if some of the stuff I’m dealing with isn’t ocd and I’m exaggerating. I feel like thoughts will feel sticky and I’ll do certain compulsions but then the thought eventually vanishes if I do it a few times which makes me think maybe it’s not OCD since other people/friends I know would probably do the exact same thing. Not sure if I’m making sense, but I guess my question is if that thought comes up with anyone else? Just being unsure if something you’re doing actually is ocd or not.

KAW1007

Date posted: 9w

Confession Compulsions

Does anyone feel the urge to confess secrets even though they’re not yours to share? My husband told me about a traumatic event he had and trusts me to keep the secret. It has NOTHING to do with me at all. And my brain is making me feel like I need or want to tell someone. I want to be trustworthy and my brain is making me feel like I’m not because of this obsession. It’s so confusing because I know I don’t need to but I feel like I “want to” because of the OCD anxiety? And the feeling of wanting to makes me feel more anxious and like a terrible person. I have confessed literally everything to my mom about my thoughts so she’s my safe person. And I had an emotionally abusive dad (probably how I got OCD at a young age - like 8 years old) that has now passed away. So confiding in her even with intrusive thoughts and messed up shit was safe for me. Does my brain feel like I need to tell her just because she’s my safe person? I hate the feeling of me “wanting” to tell at all too and can’t tell if it’s real and it’s making me feel like a horrible person. I literally have no secrets myself. His mom knows and so do I. So I’m not the only one that knows. But why is my brain doing this? It’s spiraling me out and has been for a few days. But I want to keep the secret because it’s HIS and it doesn’t affect me in any way. I mean sure I feel bad for him - but it’s from his past before we even met? Someone please help me rationalize why I feel these things and why it’s so confusing to know if you actually “want” to do something or if it’s OCD? It’s causing a deep anxiety pit in my stomach and has been for days now.

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