Tmack502

Date posted: 33w

Contamination and intimacy in O CD

I have noticed that I have anxiety when getting intimate with my boyfriend. I struggle with mainly the aftermath of it: feeling like any object or surface that is touched after sex is contaminated by fluids. Usually after intimacy we watch tv and lay in the bed and the sheets aren't usually changed within a certain time, maybe like a couple of weeks after. So anything that touches the sheets after, like clothes or tv control, I get highly anxious about touching it. I've been struggling with this a lot to the point where my relationship has developed issues. Any advice on how to cope?

Peachy.123

Date posted: 33w

Hello, I have that as well . These intrusive thoughts only get worst if you don’t fight them back . Try to make a routine of when u wash and clean and stick to it . I’m saying this because I started cleaning more than what I should and can’t stop . Just schedule what would be a normal routine for cleaning and washing to break that thought out of your head .

Tmack502

Date posted: 33w

@Peachy.123 Hi! I just feel like the sheets should be clean the next day after we are intimate. We are on a schedule for cleaning every two weeks though, I'm just anxious when something touches the bed before then. For example, if he folded laundry on the bed and then worn them the same day, then my fluids are all over them.

baseballc

Date posted: 33w

I’ve had similar concerns as well which is further augmented by my child climbing on the bed from time to time (****NOT during to be clear, I mean at various times after). I try to lean on two things 1.) you’ve done this before and nothing bad has happened and 2.) in your case your bf (my wife in my instance) is also a sharing party in all of this, interacting with the same real/perceived contamination and they are carrying along their lives, not skipping a beat. Try and think of it from his perspective. No one is “wrong or right” but there are definitely two competing thoughts on the situation. Perhaps he can be just as “right”. My wife lets our child on to the bed knowing (or quite frankly, not even realizing/caring) that we were intimate on the same bed the night or several days prior. This certainly doesn’t make her a bad parent. Is it ideal for me? Absolutely not, but I try and relinquish to the fact that she is also a responsible adult who has a history of very sensible decisions and I have to try and give trust in her

Tmack502

Date posted: 33w

@baseballc I understand that. I am not so concerned about getting sick or being harmed by anything. It is just the thought of knowing that objects or things, ourselves are touching the germs on the sheets and blanket. The thoughts are so strong that I have to feel like I need to clean anything that touches them. Is there any helpful thinking techniques I can use?

baseballc

Date posted: 33w

@Tmack502 Have you tried decatastrophizing?

Tmack502

Date posted: 33w

@baseballc No, what is that about?

baseballc

Date posted: 33w

@Tmack502 https://images.app.goo.gl/jfhMkRFJyY74N8778

baseballc

Date posted: 33w

@baseballc Understand if you don’t want to click on a weird link, but Google decatastrophizing and they have worksheets that you can troubleshoot through. I struggle a lot with standard techniques because there is always that “so what” or “but what if” but hopefully it gives you a pause or a different approach

Tmack502

Date posted: 33w

@baseballc Thank you for sending those. What has helped your contamination thoughts go away other than what you've mentioned up above? I'm trying to think about past situations that I had been in to help cope. Another thing that really has me anxious is that my boyfriend often falls asleep in his clothing. Then he rewears the same clothing sometimes after and always wants to cook for me and prepare food for me which grosses me out. Therefore, I often pass on it.

Tmack502

Date posted: 33w

@Tmack502 And also, the blankets often get all mangled up and I feel like all the germs are spreading all over the bed too

baseballc

Date posted: 33w

@Tmack502 As there is typically no logic to OCD, nor is there any in my case. I am (fortunately?) able to keep my contamination OCD to myself. If my wife grabs a package and doesn’t wash her hands, totally fine. If I do the same, don’t let it sit in the dining room for a few days AND don’t wash my hands like a surgeon, I will surely get the whole family and myself sick. Very strange. I am still searching for answers but sometimes watching what other people do in similar situations helps and I think “so and so wouldn’t even wash their hands, I think I can skip on a washing my hands a 3rd time”. Sometimes I just get flat out exhausted and say f*ck it or get pissed, but that only lasts so long. Separating yourself from your ocd can be helpful to. Honestly though, the most tried and true “method” for me is simply time. Sadly, something is going to take its place and very soon. I’ve had a mind to do 2-3 very compulsive checks on certain “issues” that arose fof me in the last 72 hours but I’ve frankly forgotten/the urge has waned or I’m just focused on the next immediate fire drill. It is somewhat helpful, though, to think of it in terms of that and think “this will also pass” just hard to do so in the moment.

Tmack502

Date posted: 33w

@baseballc That makes sense and it seems like watching others could be helpful too. I can relate to the time method, I would often wait for what I was struggling with to pass until the next new thing came along. I guess I'm just trying to find out what shouldn't be a big deal and what should be a big deal, what I need to clean. Specifically, in the situation I mentioned above; it is often hard to let the moment pass.

baseballc

Date posted: 33w

@Tmack502 That’s definitely a hard part of OCD is the disengagement of reality. I’m always wondering “would someone without OCD do this in their normal day?” It’s like I need to relearn everything from scratch again. Try and look at two extremes. Cleaning every time after intimacy and not cleaning for several months both seem to be on either side. The first commenter touched upon it a bit but it seems general guidance is to change your sheets every week or two. I think any assumptions about intimacy/sweating/hygiene are considered in these arbitrary “rules of thumb”. Maybe this is a good place to start?

Tmack502

Date posted: 33w

@baseballc Yes that's very true. Idk it's just hard for me because my ex boyfriend was a little bit cleaner and would wash the sheets after we would be intimate with one another. But now I'm trying to get used to waiting a little bit in between. Thank you for your help and kindness! I hope you take care.

baseballc

Date posted: 33w

@Tmack502 Of course, and same to you! It’s ok that it’s hard, if it was easy then you aren’t challenging your OCD enough, so hope you can find a bit of solace in the struggle!!

blorbo

Date posted: 23w

OCD and intimacy: under-discussed?

This is the one topic I don’t find much discussion about online, and I’m wondering how many of you have experienced this. Have any of you been prevented from engaging in intimate acts by your OCD? Has your OCD affected intimacy between you and your partner/s? I’m discovering that this is very much the case for me, and I know it’s probably the same for lots of folks out there!

c0dfish

Date posted: 18w

How to keep contamination ocd from taking over?

(long read ahead, sorry lol) I’ve struggled with ocd for as far back as I can remember. I find that it gets worse with stress, and recently I’ve really been struggling with the contamination aspect of my ocd. I’m worried about it becoming unmanageable and negatively affecting my relationship with my partner. I’ve been living with my boyfriend since January (got kicked out of my house a week after I turned 18, it’s for the better though my house is toxic as hell) and I love living with him, but him and his family aren’t as concerned with cleaning as I am used to. My boyfriend and I have been together going on 2 years and there’s been many times throughout our relationship that his struggle with depression severely impacted his ability to keep up with cleaning his room. This is something I completely understand because I’ve struggled with it too so i’ve often helped him clean, and since i’ve moved in he’s done so much better at keeping up with cleaning (especially because he knows about my issues with clutter, mess, germs, etc.) He is really good at being accommodating towards my needs (not overly so, i’m aware that recovering includes accepting being uncomfortable), but it’s so hard for me to differentiate between what is the normal standard for cleanliness and hygiene and what’s excessive and unhealthy. I get so stressed out every single day over the thought of how dirty everything is. He has 3 cats that mainly stay in his room (he has a catio attached to his window/side of the house) and dogs which stay on the opposite side of the house and backyard, so there is fur everywhere constantly (i’m also allergic to cats but it’s not severe). I can’t stop thinking about how they are getting germs from their litter box all over everything. They also used to piss under his bed and in his closet when his room used to be a mess and it’s soaked into the floor so no matter what it stinks. It’s so hard to bring myself to walk around the house without slippers because my feet will get visibly dirty and my socks would get covered in hair. I always think about how my boyfriend sometimes walks on the rugs in the bathroom in shoes and all the germs that spreads. There’s so many more things but this is already getting long and I am shaking just thinking about how unclean everything is. I want to deep clean the entire house myself so I can get it to where It’s not like psychological torture everyday and it’s easier to maintain but I have been so busy I don’t have the time. I am worried about my boyfriend thinking I don’t like living with him or that I think that’s he’s dirty but i don’t. We have had several conversations about this and he’s reassured me that he knows none of my obsessive thoughts are personal but I still feel so bad about it. I would like to get therapy to help work through this but currently that is not an option for me. I know things will get better once I get through the main things in my life that are causing a lot of stress and therefore making my ocd flair up, but I need advice on what to do in the mean time. I keep having moments where all I can do is shake and cry and clean and I feel bad for my poor boyfriend who can only sit next to me and try to comfort me or help me clean. I also don’t want to make him worried that nothing he does is enough for me (i’ve also already talked to him about this and told him about how I can never even be clean enough for myself and that I don’t think he’s dirty). There’s been many times where I want to tell him to do things that I think might be my own unhealthy compulsions (ex. not wearing shoes in the house or in our room, not getting into bed with socks on, making sure to completely dry off before getting out the shower, put makeup and jewelry back where they belong right after using them, etc.) but i can’t tell if they’re reasonable or not and i try to not tell him unless it’s something that severely distresses me. I’m aware that everything is going to have germs no matter what and have been using NER’s to help manage my thought spirals/rumination. I know that I shouldn’t keep doing compulsions because it just offers temporary relief and makes the problem worse because nothing will ever be enough. I just feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless and exhausted and want some feedback.

Anonimus ME 🦋

Date posted: 16w

Sex and ocd!

What irritates me the most is that during intimacy with my husband, it happens that OCD puts an image and scene in my head, my sister or someone for whom my OCD is attached and it's literally as if that intimacy is happening with that person, and it seems real that I can and it's exciting! I'm working on ERP during that, but it's still hard to digest... I don't know if it's the same for you?

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