Finding comfort in Reformed Theology

@Cantal I have really been enjoying listening to John Piper. He doesn’t address issues like OCD, but he does make Calvinism so clear. He knows the Scriptures really well.

@Cantal You might also enjoy Mark DeJesus on YouTube. He has OCD, and he talks about what he has learned regarding the love and grace of God.

@Tea and Honey Thank you very much. I love Piper and Sproul. I’m praying for you in your struggle with OCD, sister

@Cantal Thank you! I need it

@Tea and Honey if you’re interested, I run a Christian server on Discord with a lot of Calvinists. I can extend an invite to you once I speak with the other admins

@Cantal Thank you, but I don’t do discord , but thanks!! :)

@Tea and Honey Just figured I’d offer, friend. I’m praying for you that God would work His will through your OCD and heal you

@Cantal Thank you! I have been stuck all afternoon. Can’t move forward. Very frustrating.

@Tea and Honey I completely understand that. I get like that sometimes. It’s especially hard when the OCD attacks at my job

@Tea and Honey How was it yesterday, friend? How is it this morning?

@Cantal Today’s been a bit better. Thank you so much. I feel so broken in general though

@Tea and Honey OCD does that. Certainly did it to me in the first bit of dealing with it. You’ll learn to manage it. You’re in therapy, yes?

@Cantal Not at the moment. I have been in therapy in past years. Right now, it seems easier to do ERP in my own. How about you?

@Tea and Honey Some days are better than others. Just taking it one day at a time.

@Cantal That’s good for me to hear right now

@Tea and Honey How can I pray for you?

@Cantal Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I need it. This is my prayer request: I know what God wants me to do. I need to live each day exercising my faith. But here’s the problem. I am really struggling to obey here. It’s like I know what I need to do, but I can’t do it. :/ I am trying…but it’s not good enough!!

@Tea and Honey You need faithful accountability and a community of Christians to fellowship with outside of church.

@Cantal I would love to have that!!!!!!! I feel like I would burden people if I asked them to pray for me (and support me and answer my questions) to the degree that I really need it.

@Tea and Honey A community of genuine Christian’s wouldn’t view you as a burden. I certainly don’t. We’re in this mutual struggle together. 🙂

@Tea and Honey The obsessiveness comes and goes but the Lord is faithful even through OCD. ❤️

@Tea and Honey Checking in. How’re you feeling today so far?

@Cantal Thank you so much. I am still trying be obedient, and I know I am still failing some of the time. I need to learn what it means to rely on God to get me to a place of obedience, but also not overdo my expectations of myself through the OCD. I am working through that right now. I don’t feel like I am doing a great job overall.

@Tea and Honey You’re living and resting in the promise of God. You’re doing amazing even if you don’t feel like it.

@Cantal That refreshes me. I am sitting here worrying about how well I am doing. I’ll try to remember that 😀😀😀🎈🌻

@Tea and Honey Be refreshed by the Lord and not my words, my friend. Rest in Him and His promises.

@Cantal Check in, my friend. How’re you?

@Cantal Thank you for checking in!!! This morning i am struggling. If you could pray, I would appreciate it. Things aren’t going horrible, but I am struggling this morning. I don’t really know how to go forward.

@Tea and Honey Completely understand that. I struggle here and there - mainly with different OCD themes popping up. Go forward in the strength that Christ gives.

@Cantal I am going to try to do that and not keep myself stuck

@Tea and Honey You need community. Christian people who can uplift you. You’re actively involved in church yeah?

@Cantal Yes, I would love that! But I don’t know how. Here’s what is happening now. Sometimes I text people to pray for me. But I really don’t want to burden people, so I am careful. I would love to text a couple people every day to pray with me that I can stay on track in my OCD journey. (I like to pray over text . And I struggle on days when I just pray on my own. When others pray for me, I have success.) A long time ago a friend of mine said that I could talk to her whenever I was struggling and that her small group would come behind me in prayer. But I think we didn’t really keep that up. That small group had disbanded since then. I don’t tell ANYONE about the content of the religious questions. Sometimes I spend hours and hours trying to get to the answers. I don’t fully open up to people because I am worried that I will cause someone else to blaspheme. (My whole OCD centers on blasphemy, and I am obsessively careful about it. And I am always worried that other people will be less careful than I am— and that my very questions would lead to blasphemy on their part when they try to answer me.) Therefore, I don’t always share content when I am struggling. However, I do have questions that others might be able to answer. I could be really nurtured spiritually by the right mentor. I long for mentorship, but I really don’t see how that could happen. I have wanted mentorship for years. My-mother-in-law fulfills that role for me a lot. But I wish I had someone who could answer the questions I haven’t told her about. So, I guess to sum up, I do have a a good church and lots of people who will pray for me. I try really hard not to overuse them. I do a lot of my journey alone. I wish I had mentorship that was 24/7 from a person who could answer my questions. But I am not sure life is going to be like that. I probably need to lean on the people I have in a balanced way. I really want to pray EVERY DAY with maybe one or two other people that I can walk in obedience when it comes to the OCD. (I often fail when others do not pray for me.) But I don’t know if I should ask other people to do that. I do have two friends who agreed to hold me up for things like this. But I don’t know if I should ask them to consistently accept a text prayer from me every morning.

@Tea and Honey I know how hard all of this is - but reach out to people you know, your Pastor, your church, your spouse. They can help plug you in also. Therapy is also good. Your questions are hard - and OCD makes them harder - but persevere in faith. I’ve gone through several “dark nights of the soul” thanks to OCD - but I always come out in faith.

@Cantal Thank you so much. And thank you for checking in. I really needed that the other day

@Tea and Honey Of course my friend. I can tell you need the community and friendship.

@Cantal I do!!!!

@Tea and Honey Then count me as friend, and know that you’re being prayed for.

@Cantal Can’t tell you how much that means to this me. So refreshing to hear this. Thank you! I will do that

@Tea and Honey Be refreshed by Jesus first and foremost. ❤️

@Cantal Can you please pray for me today that I can be obedient to God without overdoing, overthinking, or obsessing? I need to live my life with obedience—but with freedom. Thank you so very much, friend

@Tea and Honey I’ll absolutely pray for you, my friend. Rest in the Lord and delight in the Sabbath He gave us

@Cantal I had a successful day!! God is good!!

@Tea and Honey God is very good! I had a great day yesterday as well! Praise God for His blessings

@Cantal Yes, praise God for his goodness to us

@Tea and Honey If you need anything today, don’t hesitate to reach out to me on here, my friend

@Cantal I am having another good day!!!!! I have not had such good days in a really really long time

@Tea and Honey The Lord is good! You are blessed! I’m so glad to hear that you’re doing great today! I’m okay today myself, have been better lately.

@Cantal Can you pray that I can walk in obedience to God today? I can’t do this on my own. My doubts are always chasing me.

@Tea and Honey I absolutely can pray. How often do you communicate with your spouse about this?

@Cantal He knows I struggle. But we don’t talk about it much. It’s like living with a handicap, which is okay.

@Tea and Honey It is okay - but your spouse, church, etc, is the first line of defense too! I talk to my partner about my bad OCD days

@Cantal :):):):)

@Tea and Honey Check in, sister. How are you today?

@Cantal To start with, yesterday was another really good day. I wasn’t obsessing over anything. I was going through my day without overdoing or overthinking or obsessing (just like the other good days I had when you were praying). I think this is a big answer to your prayers, and I praise God for that. Usually my days are full of obsession, so this was a welcome change. Today, I am just in a grumpy mood. Nothing bad is happening; I’m just aware that I am mentally and spiritually tired from all of the OCD struggles that I have had since age 14. They make life so much harder than it otherwise would be. I always feel like I am slightly on the edge of burnout and in survival mode to a certain degree. But that’s okay!! I’m also very thankful for all the progress over the years.

@Tea and Honey Progress is progress no matter how small. You’re getting up in the morning by the grace of God and pushing forward. For that alone, you’re strong

@Cantal It’s very useful to have that perspective!

@Tea and Honey it is good perspective to have! I’m praying for you today!

@Tea and Honey Checking in! How was your weekend?

@Cantal Thank you!!!! I had a big episode over the weekend where I was worried that I had lost my salvation. It caused anxiety to really rise. The next day, I was reading a couple of devotionals that talked about CHOOSING God’s word and his promises. Was I going to believe my OCD? Or was I going to believe God? I wanted to choose God’s promises. So when I started doing that, the anxiety went away, and I could enjoy my day. I am praying that I can STAY ON TRACK with this. I tend to learn these lessons and then get tripped up by doubt over and over and over. My brain truly does not understand that I am safe in my spiritual life. My brain truly believes that I am in constant danger of losing my salvation (and it’s my responsibility to protect it from any tiny weakness or mistake). I really can’t fathom what it would feel like to live in grace—a grace that meant that my eternal salvation was secure despite my weaknesses, and also that my mistakes on earth were not devastation (but could be used for good). I don’t know what it means to live in that kind of grace. I almost can’t imagine it. Every moment of my day is filled with self-protection and feeling like I am responsible for presenting myself from losing my salvation

@Tea and Honey *I meant to say “protecting,” not “presenting,” in the last sentence.

@Tea and Honey Ephesians says the Spirit seals us for the day of redemption. Trust in that. You have eternal security.

@Cantal Yes!! I need to grow in the truth

@Tea and Honey It’s difficult to do sometimes, but sanctification is a process. I forget who said but I like the quote “I am saved, I am being saved, I will be saved.”

@Cantal !!!!!!!!:):):):):)

@Cantal Would like to ask you some questions, but first, I need to find out if you are triggered by the somatic OCD, the theme that has to do with breathing and swallowing, etc. I would feel so TERRIBLE if any of my discussions triggered that theme in you, and then you started struggling with it. So do you think that is a possibility? Tell me honestly!!!

@Tea and Honey I don’t struggle with it - and even if I start to I’m sure I’ll handle it well. Please ask away.

@Cantal Are you sure? Do you often start new and different themes? This one of different because it has to do with noticing your own self, like swallowing, breathing, etc.

@Tea and Honey Oh I’m hyper aware of my own self all the time. I start new themes constantly but being hyper aware is a big one

@Cantal How do you handle it?

@Tea and Honey I just push through my day. It’s hard to do sometimes but I just do it, despite the increased anxiety.

@Cantal Gotcha, thank you my friend

@Tea and Honey Of course, Tea. I’ll help however I can. ❤️

@Tea and Honey Happy Resurrection Day, Tea! Rest in the Lord Jesus today and know that by His strength you can overcome!

@Cantal Thank you. So glad to hear from you. I am struggling. I am so so worried that I am not really walking in obedience when it comes to my OCD journey. :(:(:(

@Tea and Honey It’s a very hard process - one that we’re both having to learn. God will not condemn you for OCD, nor will He forsake you in this time.

@Tea and Honey Praying for you today my friend.

@Cantal So so glad to see you posted today. Today my level of suffering is pretty high. I haven’t been functional all day. :(

@Tea and Honey I know how that it is. I have those days. Force yourself to get up and do something. Spend time your with spouse, watch something, read the Bible, do any number of things.

@Cantal Been such a bad day. Ruminating so much, not functional, been in a lot of mental pain. Yes, I’ll go do some things now. That will be really good

@Tea and Honey It’s the best thing you can do for yourself. I make myself go to work daily. I make myself do my hobbies like dungeons and dragons tonight, I make myself enjoy life despite OCD. It’s hard, but it’s fulfilling.

@Cantal I hear you!! I am shopping right now:) glad I am here:)

@Tea and Honey I’m proud of you, sister. Keep it up. ❤️

@Cantal Thank you!!! 💙❤️😀👍😀

@Tea and Honey You’re so welcome. I’m praying you get a better day today

@Cantal Thank you. It’s starting off well so far :):)

@Tea and Honey I’m so glad to hear. If you need anything give me a shout.

@Cantal I will!!!!

@Tea and Honey Hey my friend! How are you doing this weekend so far?

@Cantal Had some really hard days. Thank you for writing

@Cantal Trying to obey God by holding onto faith that I am never going to lose my salvation.

@Tea and Honey Ephesians tells us that the Spirit seals us for the day of redemption. Trust that.

@Tea and Honey I’ve had some incredibly hard days too lately. I feel you.

@Cantal How are you doing this morning? I hope you’re spending your time in church this morning.

@Cantal I had a good evening last night! That was good! Yes, going to church this morning too

@Tea and Honey 😀😀

@Tea and Honey Presbyterian, Baptist?

@Cantal Church of Christ :):)

@Tea and Honey A bit surprising from a Calvinist but hey I’m glad you’re in church!

@Cantal lol, 😂 I dearly hold many Calvinist views. So comforting to my OCD soul. Proud of my Calvinist parts. :):)

@Tea and Honey It’s very comforting. My OCD focuses on some parts of it - but God is good despite my OCD.

@Cantal Yes, He is!!!!:):)

@Tea and Honey Pray for me, dear friend. I’m having an eh day.

@Cantal I will pray right now. Thank you for letting me know

@Tea and Honey Thank you so much ❤️ Glad we have each other for this

@Tea and Honey Hey dear friend. How are you doing lately?

@Cantal Been doing better! Not perfect, but definitely better. How are you doing?:)

@Tea and Honey Lots of anxiety over here lately but these past two days have been better

@Cantal Past few days have been better for me too!!

@Tea and Honey I’m so glad. God is good.

@Cantal Yes, He is!!!!

@Tea and Honey Hey Tea! Check in time!

@Cantal Having a good day!! 💙

@Cantal How about you??

@Tea and Honey I’m doing okay. I’ve had some OCD flare ups lately but I’ve been managing them.

@Cantal I so hear you

@Tea and Honey I’m glad you do. Do you need prayer today my friend?

@Cantal Doing pretty well today, and thankful for that. Always need prayer though. :) How about you?

@Tea and Honey OCD can be hard sometimes for me - dealing with the various intrusive thoughts of different themes. Mine swap like crazy often and it’s just irritating. Pray that I’d have some peace.

@Cantal I will do that. :)

@Tea and Honey Hey Tea, sorry it’s been so long but I wanted to check in! How are you my friend?

@Cantal This was a good day to check in. I am having trouble connecting to God's promises today. I know his promises. But I am having trouble connecting. Please pray for me

@Tea and Honey I’m absolutely praying for you my friend. I know how that is, I have trouble concentrating frequently.

@Cantal I am struggling big time

@Tea and Honey I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you and praying that God would grant you healing. Love you, friend

@Cantal I know what I need to do. The answer is clear. But I have to put it into practice. I see the end, though, so that is good. Love you too, my friend

@Tea and Honey Trust in Christ.

@Cantal Yes!!! I am struggling. When I say the truth out loud, I have comfort. But when I go back to my day, the fear comes back. It's a very physical fear that can run through my whole body.

@Tea and Honey Completely understand that - but in our weakness, Christ is strong.

@Cantal So true. So you understand the physical feelings of fear that radiate through your whole body??

@Tea and Honey Absolutely. It kinda freezes you.

@Cantal Yes!!!!!

@Tea and Honey For me it’s the dissociation that comes with it.

@Cantal I don't have that. It's just fear running through me

@Tea and Honey Then you’re blessed to not experience it. I’m praying that God would calm your mind.

@Cantal My son is at the doctor right now. I am trying not to freak out

@Tea and Honey Is he okay?

@Tea and Honey Check in, Tea. You okay, friend?

@Cantal Yes!! He is doing great now

@Tea and Honey What was wrong?

@Cantal My OCD was going into a huge tailspin. He had a cold, but my OCD was saying that I had lost my salvation and that was why he was sick.

@Tea and Honey That is not what Scripture says. You are eternally secure in the Lord Jesus. He was just sick, my friend

@Cantal I like thinking about that

@Tea and Honey This is a Scriptural truth. Christ will not let go of you.

@Cantal I really need to hold onto that

@Tea and Honey How are you today, Tea?

@Cantal Good!!!! How are you doing?:)

@Tea and Honey I’m alright. Going through a season of depression but I’m alright

@Cantal I hear you. I can't stop my ruminating habit lol, these are just common OCD struggles!! We will get better!!

@Cantal I hear you. I can't stop my ruminating habit

@Tea and Honey These are common, very much so, but God is faithful

@Tea and Honey Hey my friend. Have you been okay?

@Cantal Things have been going well lately! Taking steps forward. How are you?

@Tea and Honey OCD was in remission for a few weeks - but I’m going through a rather saddening break up, so it’s back and it sucks all over again

@Cantal I starting to struggle this afternoon quite a bit. We will pray for each other :)

@Tea and Honey Amen. You’re in my prayers my friend

@Cantal Praying for you too

@Anonymous Lol, OCD is just the worst!!!

@Cantal I am worried that I am not obeying God enough.

@Tea and Honey In what way?

@Cantal Every day I struggle with a constant great fear that I am going to lose my salvation through a little mistake, at the drop of a hat. So I go through my days feeling really insecure about my salvation. It feels I’ll probably just lose it today or tomorrow or next week, etc. All the little OCD things that come up in the day tell me that my salvation is in danger. Therefore, I feel like I am in constant danger all day, never secure, never safe. This is all wrong because God promised that I wouldn’t lose my salvation. And I know that he wants me to put faith in that promise and live my days with faith in his eternal security. However, it takes mental energy for me to switch over from my default mindset of fear/doubt to a mindset of faith. A lot of times, I don’s want to put that energy in. I am learning that I won’t be successful in my own effort anyway, and that I have to lean on God for the grace to obey him here. And I am struggling to do that. Every day that I remain stuck in my worries about my salvation is a like a day wasted. It means that I am looking depressed and worried around my kids and family, instead of living with more joy around them. I don’t want my kids to have a depressed mom all the time:( When I am stuck worrying about my salvation, it keeps me from being productive in my life. I need to trust God enough to stand on his promises, but my obedience in this matter is shaky. I can choose to walk in more freedom. It involves choosing joy and to think on the Scriptures that speak against my fear. However , like I said, that takes some effort, and I keep failing. :(

@Tea and Honey I 100% know how that is and I can relate, but Scripture promises eternal security for those who are in Christ. Trust in Jesus and what He did for you.

@Tea and Honey God is gracious and He is with you, yesterday, today, and the days to come.

@Cantal I love to think about that

@Tea and Honey Then let it occupy your mind. Consider the things of the Lord Jesus and be in the Word.

@Cantal Yes, that would be good

@Tea and Honey And don’t worry about losing your salvation. Ephesians says we are sealed for the day of redemption. Romans says we are foreknown, predestined, and justified. Scripture speaks of eternal security. Rest in that. ❤️

@Cantal Thank you so much

@Tea and Honey Of course! I’m praying for you today