BigGyro09

Date posted: 33w

How do you know if you're ready for a relationship

Adults only please There is this woman that I really want to talk to. I just want to get to know her, spend time with her, and just have a good time being with who she is. I think about her all the time and I just wish I could have the chance to talk to her. I don't see her a lot because we're both really busy. But I also don't feel like I'm ready for a relationship, even though I badly want to talk to her and eventually ask her out. What do I do? I just hate that I'm held back by my past and my bad habit with pornography. If that wasn't a problem in my life, I think we'd be dating by now. I haven't watched it and I don't want to watch it. I also feel anxious about it all thinking I'm going to mess it all up and hurt her when that's the last thing I want to do. When will I ever be ready? How do people know they can commit to someone?

KhloehasOCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 33w

To be honest I’ve been thinking the same thing, I turn 19 in march and it’s hard to feel like I’ll ever be ready. I think overthinking if you’ll ever be ready is a big thing too, especially for me. I think it’s less about commitment and more about spending time with someone you enjoy being around.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 33w

Maybe you're right. I do know that I have something for this person though. I know that genuine, but I just don't know if I'll ever be ready to do this. Would just trying to be friends with her be a good idea? I just feel dishonest about it

KhloehasOCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 33w

@BigGyro09 I think doing things even if you aren’t ready is ok, but if you genuinely feel you aren’t ready , then don’t, because you don’t wanna lead her on. If you believe it’s something you can work through, then don’t it. Although ocd does make relationships hard, it’s never impossible

BigGyro09

Date posted: 33w

@KhloehasOCD It's hard to tell honestly. There's only that one reason I don't want to try anything, but I just don't want to miss this opportunity. But I feel that's just selfish of me. I guess I'll ask my friends about it. They'll likely say don't try it. I guess I shouldn't.

KhloehasOCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 33w

@BigGyro09 If the issue with pornography is something you still deal with, then I’d advise against it until u can go without it, but if that’s better, then I’d say go for it!! Just because of past things that happen doesn’t mean u shouldn’t let yourself be happy now

BigGyro09

Date posted: 33w

@KhloehasOCD I just don't know how long that would take. I guess it's something I should address with my therapist

KhloehasOCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 33w

@BigGyro09 Definitely! It would help I think

LGood

Date posted: 33w

If pornography is something that is a present issue or you are newly weaning off, I would advise against entering a relationship. Porn use in a relationship could pose harm for each individual and lead to feelings of unworthiness or emptiness. It could take a while but it is a form of protection for the relationship. Developing a friendship could be best, the person you date should be your best friend. This is an opportunity to grow in vulnerability and understanding of one another

BigGyro09

Date posted: 33w

That's the absolute last thing I would want to do. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for hurting her with my own issues. It would bother me for a really really long time. I just don't know when my problem with this will end. It's putting a halt on my potential love life and I don't know when it will stop.

LGood

Date posted: 33w

@BigGyro09 I can understand your concern, it could put a pause, but you owe yourself the patience and time to heal in this area. Some problems can be healed while in relationships, others, not so much. When you look at things like addiction, the intensity and frequency is much more than some other problem areas. Everyone has a past and it’s not realistic to expect that some things won’t come up anymore or pose a problem later, but when it’s something you have grown in awareness of and it’s easier to resist and not feel tempted to engage in, it saves a lot of hurt. I know all too well the negative effects of dating someone who struggled with lust and I can say that it had a huge impact on my mental health and stability in relationships.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 33w

@LGood You said it perfectly. I don't know how long this will take but I guess I just have to wait until I'm comfortable with it being put behind me fully. I just don't know when that will happen

vincenzokeez

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 33w

Life is a risk and no certainty

Sillyguppy

Date posted: 24w

Strange relationship craving

Lately i've been feeling a deep urge to be in a relationship, yet at the same time I feel as if it would be too exhausting to deal with. I don't know why. It may be due to one or two of my past relationships being.. "abusive" or toxic? I'm not exactly sure if I can call it that though, I was never physically hurt, because they were online. I'm just feeling rather lonely and would like to spend time with someone who likes things that I do and who wants to cuddle and hold hands. I crave affection a lot, but at the same time I get so exhausted when I have to try to meet people. Maybe I just have to get over that part of it.

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

Advice

As someone who has never been in a relationship it’s hard for me to envision myself in one and know what it will feel like. I feel like being 21 I’ve protected myself a lot due to insecurity. I want a boyfriend and yet I don’t it’s just all really scary for me. I never had the stupid relationship to break the ice and now I’m putting so much pressure and emphasis on things and finding the RIGHT person. Also have hocd definitely doesn’t help. I’m working on myself and doing my best. But my current feelings are: I don’t like the way I look, I can’t imagine myself with someone, and I’m never going to find someone I click with and feel good with. Any advice??????

thebookgirl

Date posted: 9w

Worrying About Giving Partner the Wrong Idea

I'm 30 years old and in my first official relationship. We've been talking for three months and dating for two. I like this man very much. He's kind-hearted, thoughtful, incredibly smart, and very sweet to me. On our most recent date, we had a heart-to-heart about intentions. We've only slept together once. Circumstances haven't been ideal for both of us, but I was worried there was something wrong with me (story of my life). He assured me that there isn't anything wrong with me and that he is attracted to me, there's just been a lot going on that's gotten in the way of being that intimate. He also told me he wants me to know that this is more than sex. I was very relieved to hear this, and very happy to know that he wants a deeper relationship, as I want this, as well. I just keep worrying that he thinks all I want is sex, which is not true. I told him as much, but the OCD part of my brain just can't let it go and can't accept that things are good, which they are. We show affection in other ways, like holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling at the movies. I just keep feeling like I've ruined things. Can anyone give me any advice?

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How do you know if you're ready for a relationship

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