I have made multiple mistakes in my past that lead me to believe im a bad person. thinking about them often sends me into a panic attack. i cant help but feel i need to be punished. i hate this feeling, what should i do?
This is something I am struggling with currently is I am not perfect and I know this, but I’ve made mistakes that I am not a fan of. The thing that makes me cope with that theme is that even if I slipped up yesterday that doesn’t define who I am today, because today I will chose to do my best. Without mistakes we don’t learn.
@Jess thank you, its nice to hear these things
I feel you, I made some repeat mistakes when I was younger and they disgust me, especially because I intended to do the thing. It was my biggest barrier to opening up to proper therapy because I felt like I didn't have OCD if I had basically listened to my intrusive thoughts. I remind myself that I was in a bad place back then, and that part of the reason I did what I did was because I had OCD and didn't know it. Those intense feelings of shame or fear still happen, but I let them pass and then I'm fine. But yeah, it sucks having those memories and it sucks when they resurface. It makes me less confident and loving of myself sometimes. Self compassion is important, and so is using ERP to quell the obsessive response
@Tyconia thank you for sharing your experience, i appreciate it! ❤️
I heavily relate to obsessing over past mistakes and it’s brutal. It might help to keep in mind that our background, experiences, circumstances, beliefs, and upbringing all lead to the mistakes we make. What that means is, we are influenced by forces completely outside of our control. We are all a reflection of our unique circumstances. Realizing that can help you detach from your biggest mistakes. Another thing that can help is to question the idea of a core “identity”. It is a good feeling to have one when you’re happy with who you are, but when you’ve made mistakes, feeling like you have an identity can be harmful. Because here’s the truth, no one has an “identity”. We are always, always changing, sometimes in ways we do not even notice. And who we are is influenced by things outside of us. If someone else were in your shoes, they would likely make similar mistakes. No one is born good or bad, we are constantly doing being pulled in either a good direction or a bad direction by our surroundings. Instead of viewing yourself as a “good” person, or a “bad person” you could try referring to yourself as a person who has had some bad actions but also some good ones too. And no one deserves to feel guilt and shame forever. There’s no real reason why they should if they have already grown. I wish you happiness and healing no matter what you’ve done.
@andrewt_ thanks so much for the response. i appreciate the advice ❤️
i did something not very good and i cannot move on from it because i truly don’t feel i deserve to. it’s like inhumane and i don’t feel like i should ever be happy. trying to forgive myself and move on is the hardest thing to do.
anyone else feel like theyve made too many mistakes in their short time being alive, to the point you just feel like *you* are the mistake? i sit and obsess all the time about the mistakes ive made growing up (im only 20, suffered with ocd since i was 15). i just feel like i used to always make these mistakes and i know most of them came from ignorance as a child but it makes me question everything about myself. it often makes me feel suicidal, that the world is better off without me. i come on here to try and make people feel better and offer support and advice when in reality, i have no grasp on my own ocd. i sit and obsess 24/7, i struggle with mindfulness, and my head is the worst place to live. its just the idea that my mistakes have impacted people, any lies i came up with, how thats impacted people (its probably not even a lot but the possibility is terrifying). ever since i was diagnosed, i have a thing for responsibility, i take on so much of it, and punish myself excessively. im very tired of fighting with myself. im tired of obsessing and doing compulsions to stop the anxiety. i just want it to stop.
OCD makes me feel like i am the scum of the earth and i believe it is true. i’ve done horrible things in the past when i was younger that i am not proud of. i know people say that we have to forgive ourselves for our past mistakes/know that our mistakes don’t define us or what not, but i feel like what i’ve done is irredeemable. although i was young back then, it dosent make it an excuse bc i am old enough to know it was wrong. why would i do that?? i’ve tried to forgive myself, but i keep going back in a loop bc of my OCD. what if i am using my OCD as an excuse? i don’t know what to do, please help.
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